More Than It Hurts You
by M.E Blayn
Summary: Emily scoffs at his question. "He would not put me through this much pain...," she says harshly. "...He does not give us more than we can handle," he replies. "I beg to differ." Emily tries to navigate the struggles of parenthood, her relationship with Andrew and demons from her past while being BAU Unit Chief. Can family conquer all or will they crumble in the face of disaster?
1. Chapter 1 - Waiting Game

**I don't own Criminal Minds or any of it's characters. **

* * *

Emily pockets her phone and sighs; _so much for having the night off_, she thinks to herself as she places a pasta filled Corningware dish in the oven. She sets a timer, then quickly cleans the kitchen and finishes the last of the dishes. She dries her slightly pruned hands on the tea towel that was hanging over her left shoulder.

She makes her way to the back of the apartment where the bedrooms are, but she stops to take a deep breath before stepping into the open doorway.

A young girl, Emily's daughter Anna, is laying stomach down on the bed; her arms are bent and her head is resting in her palms. She is wearing a baggy black hoodie and comfortably fitting track shorts. Her wavy, shoulder-length, auburn hair is pulled up into a high ponytail and secured in place with a grey scrunchie. Some scraggly wisps of hair are framing her face. She has earbuds in her ears and is fixated on the laptop that is sitting in front of her face; she doesn't notice her mother at the door.

Emily knocks on the wood of the door frame and watches as Anna removes one of her earbuds.

She turns and gives her mother a freckle filled smile.

"Hey, love. What are you working on?" Emily asks as she tries her best to smile back. She takes a few steps into the room.

"Nothing, just watching Netflix," Anna informs her as she taps the spacebar to pause her show.

She pushes herself up so she is sitting on the edge of the bed. "When's dinner?" she asks promptly.

"I just put a casserole in the oven but…" Emily pauses, not wanting to say what they both know is coming. Emily feels pain in her chest as she watches the teen's smile fade.

Anna drops her shoulders and goes back to laying on her bed.

"You have to go to work," she finishes Emily's sentence, sounding annoyed and disappointed.

"I'm so sorry, I know we had plans to go to the movies tonight," Emily apologizes. This is becoming a habit for them to make plans and then have to cancel because work gets in the way.

"It's fine," she replies dryly before playing her episode.

"We can try to go next week," Emily bargains, although she knows not to make any promises.

Anna doesn't reply.

Emily takes a seat on the bed and runs a soothing hand across Anna's back.

"Hey, look at me for a second," Emily says as she tilts her daughter's head up and away from her screen. "I am so sorry that I keep doing this to you."

"Where are you headed this time?" she asks, not willing to acknowledge the apology.

"San Francisco," Emily replies.

Anna nods. The farther away her mother went usually meant the longer she would be gone.

"When do you leave?" she asks next, biting at her lip.

"Right now. I need to go brief the team, but Andrew is going to come have dinner with you and spend the night."

"Okay," she agrees in a sorrow-filled tone.

Emily leans over and brushes Anna's baby hair out of her face before planting a kiss on her forehead. "I promise I will make this up to you and I will call as soon as I can."

Anna shrugs, "Don't worry about it." She inserts her earbuds and turns back to her show.

"I love you," Emily says softly before getting up.

Emily curls her lips into a thin line and bows her head in despair as she leaves. She feels like the relationship she has fought so hard to build with Anna is starting to crumble and it is breaking her heart.

* * *

Emily is the first to arrive at the BAU so she can review the case files before briefing the team.

She is sitting at her desk in her dim office light, trying to go over the information that Garcia has left for her but she is distracted. Her eyes are fixed on a picture on the corner of her desk of Anna lounging in the grass under a tree. The picture is roughly a year old and was taken at a team brunch at Rossi's house the day her adoption was finalized.

Emily remembers that day fondly. A melancholic smile crosses her face but it quickly fades when she recalls the sadness in Anna's eyes when she left today. She begins to bite at her nails, a usual bad habit that pokes its nasty head out when she's stressed.

She doesn't see Tara standing in her doorway.

"Hey, I just wanted to drop these off before everyone gets here," Tara says with a smile as she hands Emily a folder and a fresh Starbucks coffee.

Emily reaches out to grab it before flashing a small smile. "You are a savior. Thank you."

Tara pauses before leaving; she can tell that something is wrong. "Emily, is everything alright?"

Emily sighs and shakes her head. "No matter how hard I try, I continue to let Anna down. She has been so upset lately, her behavior is all over the place and I think I'm to blame."

Tara takes a seat opposite Emily, letting her know that she has time to listen. The entire team has noticed her stress levels seem more elevated than usual. They are worried.

"I think you're being a bit hard on yourself. You took Anna in as a foster child about two years ago right?" Tara asks.

Emily nods and relaxes back into her chair. "Almost three. I adopted her in September so she's been legally mine for about a year now…"

Tara smiles and tucks her hair behind her right ear before taking Emily's photo of Anna off her desk. She admires the image thoughtfully.

"Time flies," Tara says thoughtfully. "Nonetheless, you've done a great job raising her. She's an amazing girl and well adjusted considering her trauma. You should be proud," she continues before putting the photo back in its place.

Tara was there when they first met Anna. She had helped council her in the hospital after she was rescued. She was untrusting, unstable and riddled with anxiety. At that time, Tara's assessment suggested that Anna needed significant psychological therapy and had a long road ahead of her. But, with Emily's unrelenting support and commitment to Anna's recovery, her pain was eased. It is rewarding to watch Anna grow up and move past her dreadful experience.

"Thank you, I appreciate that," Emily says graciously; she is flattered but she cannot overlook the toll her efforts have taken on her. "This past year has been very eye-opening for me. I never truly understood the sacrifices we make for this job until I had someone waiting for me at home," she confesses.

"I don't know how you do this. Both you and Hotch led this team while trying to be there for your kids," Tara remarks.

"He had a hell of a good support system and when he wasn't working; his only focus was Jack. Ultimately, he walked away because it was hard doing both and he knew he needed to put Jack's wellbeing first. I'm trying my best to do the same without sacrificing my career, although I'm starting to realize that it's not possible," Emily explains.

Sometimes Emily wishes she wasn't chief, she wishes she was someone's responsibility instead of being the one responsible for everything and everyone.

She reaches for her coffee and throws back a swig.

"It's all about balance, you'll figure out how to manage both. I'm sure that things will get better once work settles down," she offers her best advice and encouragement.

Emily sighs and runs her hand through her hair. "I really hope things start to turn around. Speaking of work, it's time to go over the case."

"'I'll see you in there" Tara nods and stands up. "and Emily?"

"Yes?" Emily replies. She looks up, eye's meetings.

"If you need anything, even if it's just finishing up some paperwork for you so you can get home early, let me know. I don't mind." Tara says with a warm smile.

"Thank you Tara" Emily replies sincerely.

* * *

The team has been in San Francisco for 15 hours. Emily is standing at a crime scene, discussing theories when her phone rings. She excuses herself from the group for privacy and puts the phone up to her ear when she is no longer within earshot.

"Hey babe," she hears, and a slight grin tickles her cheek.

"Hey, how are things on the home front? I presume you made it through dinner," she replies.

"If that's your way of asking how Anna is doing, she's good," he says as he chuckles softly at her formality. He finds her constant need to sound formal to be a humorous quality.

She can hear phones ringing and keyboard tapping in the background. He's at work, probably in the break room because his office is much quieter.

"There were no problems last night?" she asks, sounding surprised.

"She was a bit upset, but no. We went for ice cream and caught a late movie," he explains.

"Not too late I hope," Emily says snidely.

"We were home by 10, lights out at 10:30," he assures her.

"That sounds like a nice date," she says sounding disappointed.

"It was, I'm sorry you couldn't be there," Andrew says, expressing his regret.

"I am too…" She trails off and pauses for a second before continuing. "Can you do me a favor? I was going to text you about this but I might as well ask now."

"Of course, anything you need," he says.

"Can you pick Annie up from soccer tonight and drop her off at Georgetown Hospital? She's staying with my friend Sarah but Sarah is on evening shifts this week," Emily says.

"Em, you know I'd be happy to stay with her while you're away. I really enjoy spending time with her," he offers.

He had dated Emily for an entire year before she allowed him to get to know Anna. He understood why Emily didn't want to risk the relationship falling apart and having her daughter be heartbroken if she had gotten close to Andrew. She needed to protect her daughter but after a while, she realized that he was not leaving anytime soon and slowly introduced them. Andrew had learned to love Anna as much as he loves Emily.

Emily bites at her bottom lip, unsure of how to answer without seeming rude. She appreciates his help but she doesn't want to rely on him too much.

"Oh Andrew, it's so nice of you to offer but she's not your responsibility," she finally says.

He sighs, not wanting to push but knowing she needs a nudge. "I know she's not but, I've thought about this a lot lately and I want to help more."

Andrew has been trying to convince Emily that they should move in together but every time he proposes the idea, Emily uses Anna as an excuse. He wants to show her that he is committed to both of them.

"I could make sure her routine stays more regular. I could stay at your place when you're gone, I can take her to school in the morning and pick her up from her extracurricular. Anna might benefit from consistency," he continues.

"That's too much for me to ask of you," she protests in stubbornness.

"No, it's not. I don't understand why you won't let me do more." He's sounding frustrated.

Emily notices J.J. waving, trying to get her attention.

"Andrew, I need to go. Can we please talk about it when I get back?" she begs. She's not willing to start this fight again.

"Of course," he says sounding more annoyed than he means to. "I'll text Anna and let her know that I'm picking her up."

Emily nods to herself. "Thank you. We'll talk soon. Love you."

"I love you too, stay safe."

* * *

Anna is sitting on the wooden bleachers beside her high school's soccer pitch, chatting with her friends while they remove their cleats and shin guards.

Andrew walks over to her, only approaching after the other kids have said their goodbyes.

"Hey, Kiddo," he yells, getting her attention. "How was practice? You looked a little sluggish out there."

Anna slips on her sandals, sits up, and throws her soccer bag over one shoulder and her school bag over the other. She looks encumbered so Andrew takes a bag from her.

"Maybe if you hadn't kept me out so late I wouldn't be tired," she jokes.

"If your mother asks, we were home by 10," he replies, sounding a bit nervous.

"Your secret's safe with me. I get it, it's hard being the fun one," she says.

He laughs and proceeds to ruffle her hair, making her giggle.

"How long have you been here?" she asks as she follows Andrew up the hill to his car.

"About 20 minutes," he replies.

"Creeper." Anna laughs.

"I like watching you play, is that a crime?" Andrew defends, dramatically throwing his hands up.

"I don't know, you tell me, SSA Mendoza," she jokes.

He takes her teasing with a grin. She has a sassy and sarcastic sense of humor, something she has picked up from Emily over the years.

They reach the car and Andrew throws Anna's school bag on the back seat. He then opens the driver's side door.

"Throw your bag in the trunk, I don't want your gear stinkin' up my car again," he says before bending down to pop the trunk.

He drives a bullet gray Jaguar XF. He loves his car because it gives him a taste of luxury; it was a Christmas present to himself this past year. Anna can recall him rolling up to their apartment in his new car to take them to Rossi's Christmas Eve party.

Anna rolls her eyes but complies. Then, she walks around the car and climbs into the passenger seat. They drive off.

"Do you have a lot of homework?" Andrew asks. He has a relaxed hand on the wheel but he is alert. He is a more cautious driver with Anna in the car.

"I have a chapter to read for English and a quiz in history tomorrow."

"That sounds like a lot," he remarks as he glances at Anna.

She shrugs. "I'll be fine."

It had taken Anna a long time to warm up to him but they have built a strong bond over the last year. She is very comfortable with Andrew now and considers him family because he is the closest thing she has ever had to a father. She values their relationship.

"What time does Sarah get off work?" he asks.

"8, I think," she replies. She dreads having to sit in the hospital alone but it's not the first time and she knows it won't be the last.

Her stomach growls loudly and she reaches into the back to grasp her bag. She opens the small front pocket and feels around with her hand.

"Fuck," she mutters as she pulls her hand back.

"Hey, you know how your mother feels about swearing," Andrew scolds her.

Anna huffs, "Emily swears all the time," she growls.

He furrows his brow, "That doesn't mean you can."

She crosses her arms and pushes herself into the seat. She's not usually this irritable. He had noticed her short temper last night but attributed it to Emily being gone.

Andrews notices her biting her lip. "What's wrong?"

"I forgot my wallet. I was supposed to buy myself dinner tonight," she explains.

Andrews takes a hard right onto a street that is unfamiliar to Anna. The hospital is in the other direction.

"Where are we going?" she asks.

"Text Sarah and let her know that I'll drop you off at the end of her shift," he tells her.

"That doesn't answer my question," Anna, says firmly.

"Have you ever been to Johnny's?" he asks with excitement.

"I don't think so."

"It's a 24-hour diner on the other side of the city but they have the best burgers and shakes around. It's the first restaurant I ever took your mom to... " he explains.

"Your first date was at a 24-hour diner?" She turns and makes a face.

Andrew laughs."It wasn't our first date. I was trying to be spontaneous and it was the only place that was open at 3 am. She had just come back from a rough case."

"Typical." Anna rolls her eyes.

* * *

**_3 years ago._**

_Emily trudges up the stairs to her apartment with her go-bag in tow. She can barely keep her heavy eyelids from falling shut and her stomach is filled with burning emptiness. She's focussed on getting a snack and getting to bed._

_She reaches her floor and stops when she sees a figure sitting against her door. She rubs her tired eyes trying to make sure that she is actually seeing him. As she gets closer, she smiles at the familiar man._

_"What are you doing here?" she asks as she looks down at him. She's surprised to see him at her door considering the late hour._

_Andrew pulls himself off the floor, brushes the dirt off his pants and hands her a bouquet of colorful flowers._

_"You said you were hungry so I'm taking you out," he replies._

_"Andrew, you are too sweet but you don't need to do this. We can go out tomorrow night," she suggests._

_"We can do that too but you're starving right now," he protests._

_"I have food," she defends herself. She scoffs at his accusation._

_"If you can honestly tell me that your fridge is not empty then I will leave you be."_

_As if on cue, her stomach growls loudly. They both laugh._

_She throws her hands up in defeat. "Okay, you've got me. Where are we going."_

_—_

_They are in a retro-style diner, sitting across from each other in a booth by the window. It's quiet; they are the only customers._

_"God this is good!" she exclaims before taking another large bite of her burger._

_"You've got a little sauce on your chin," Andrew informs her sheepishly._

_Emily's eyes widen with embarrassment. She puts her _food_ down and pulls her hand up to cover the bottom half of her face while she reaches for a napkin. Andrew is faster, however, and he takes a napkin and reaches across to clean her chin._

_She beings to blush._

_"How was your case?" he asks, trying to start up the conversation. They're both unit chiefs and face similar struggles at work. They often discuss things they don't know how to talk to their teams about._

_Tonight, however, Emily does not feel like it. "Let's not talk about work. We're on a date, ask me about something else," she says._

_He nods, "What are you doing tomorrow?" he asks before biting a chunk out of a fry._

_"Sleeping in and then I have to head to New York for a bit," she explains nonchalantly._

_He laughs, "You say that like it's right around the corner."_

_"It's not like I'm heading to LA for the afternoon. New York is 4 hours away," she protests._

_"So what? You get a few days off and you spend them in another state?" he asks curiously as he wipes his hands on a napkin._

_"I'm meeting with a lawyer," she confesses before taking a sip of her milkshake._

_"Ah that explains everything because there are no lawyers in DC," he replies sarcastically._

_"Not in this situation. They're an old friend, they specialize in child advocacy and the case is in New York," she explains._

_"Are you in the middle of a custody battle? Do you have a kid that you didn't tell me about?" he asks, half-joking. They are still in the honeymoon phase of this budding relationship. Everything is fresh and exciting but there is still a lot that they don't know about one another._

_"No, nothing like that," Emily assures him as she shakes her head._

_She finishes the last bite of her burger then pushes herself back in her seat. She's stuffed but happy._

_"I'm trying to help a little girl move to a foster home in Washington. I need to check on her more often and I can't when I live so far away," she shares. She knows that this cannot stay a secret forever._

_"How do you know her?" he prods._

_"Honestly I don't know her very well but she was a victim in a case a few months ago. When it was over, I promised her that I would look out for her," she explains, sounding guilty. She feels like she has not done enough so far._

_"What happened to the kid?" he asks._

_Emily leans forward, resting her elbows on the table and sighs._

_"Her name's Anna, she's 12. She was kidnapped by a man who was having a dissociative break. He held her for three days, he brutalized her and starved her. I was the one who carried her out of his apartment after she watched him commit suicide." Emily nods, trying to push her memories of that moment away._

_Andrew reaches across the table and takes her hand in his._

_"Where are her parents?" he asks._

_"They're gone. Her mother was an addict and her father's unknown. The mom OD'ed the night they let Anna out of the hospital. She lost her childhood and her mother within a matter of days so I can't walk away from her," she says as she shakes her head._

_He rubs soft circles with his thumb on the back of her hand._

_"That's a hell of a trauma. How is she coping?"_

_"She's not doing great but it's understandable considering what she's been through. She is in a group home right now but she's not getting the resources or support that she needs. If she's in DC I can do more to help," Emily says with a soft smile._

_"I'm happy she's got someone like you on her side," he says as he squeezes her hand._

_"I haven't told my team about this. I haven't talked to anyone about it yet," she admits._

_Andrew smiles softly, he likes that she feels comfortable to confide in him._

_"I don't think they would have a problem with you helping a victim," he assures her. He knows how close the BAU is and he knows that they would support her decision._

_"They might if I tell them that I'm trying to become a foster parent for her," she reveals anxiously. She bites at her lip nervously._

_He nods. "That's a big responsibility."_

_She looks away, seeming embarrassed. "See, the way you're looking at me right now, that's why I can't tell them."_

_"They should know, that's a lot to take on by yourself." He worries about her trying to do too much, putting too much pressure on herself._

_"I will tell them, once I know for sure. This is a long shot. There is a good chance that they won't give me a foster license." She pulls her hand away and pushes her hair behind her ears. She feels uneasy about how much she has shared but she's happy he knows._

_"So for now, you're waiting," he says as he leans back and then takes a sip of his cola._

_"I am waiting" she replies softly._

* * *

**_Present_**

"Since when have you gone back to calling your mom Emily again?" Andrew asks casually. He knows that she still struggles to open up.

Anna shrugs as she sinks further into her seat. "I don't know. She's not my real mom, it doesn't feel right anymore."

"That's okay, you're allowed to feel like that," Andrew assures her although it hurts him to hear this.

They stay silent for a while but Andrew knows that this is his chance to get Anna talking."Can I ask if that's why you went missing a few weeks ago?" He says suddenly.

Anna turns, eyes wide.

"I wasn't running away. I was at the library." She replies frantically.

"I never said you were but you were gone for a very long time," He tells her calmly. She tends to overreact when she feels pressure and he does not want to upset her.

"Look I had a paper to write. Did Emily ask you to interrogate me? I already spoke with that therapist." She snaps.

"No, she doesn't talk to me about your personal life but I can tell she's worried about you. You really scared her," he explains.

"Well then she worries too much because I was fine." she retorts angrily. She turns to look out the window and she watches the building go by with a scowl on her face.

Andrew signs knowing that the conversation is not going anywhere. "That's what mom's do. They worry." He finishes.

She responds with a low groan.

"When is your post-placement check-in?" Andrew asks.

"It was supposed to be 3 months ago. Emily needed them to reschedule a few times. I think she said they're coming back in a few weeks."

"She does everything she can to give you a better life. Try not to be so hard on her. She loves you," Andrew places a reassuring hand on Anna's leg, squeezing her knee slightly.

She flinches and pulls away.

Andrew mentally reprimands himself for his actions. He knows how sensitive she can still be to touch.

"Can we talk about something else," she whines.

* * *

**Thank you for reading chapter 1. Please feel free to leave a review if you have anything you'd like to share with me any this story.**


	2. Chapter 2 - Rachel C is a T

The team is sitting around a small round table in the San Fransisco precinct that they have been stationed at. The table is littered with empty delivery food containers, mugs of cold, burnt coffee and case files. They are discussing leads so they can deliver the profile, but they're having trouble coming to a concrete conclusion.

"I'm not saying that, Spence. I just think that we should reconsider the possibility of multiple unsubs," JJ argues.

"I think we need to revisit the dumpsites," Rossi says.

He notices the tension in the room; none of them have slept since they arrived in the city and they are starting to take their sleep deprivation out on each other.

A detective pokes his head in the door.

"Agents, Ladies," he greets misogynistically.

JJ and Tara exchange a look of annoyance.

"What do you need Stevens?" Emily asks. She does her best to act professionally.

"Another teen just went missing. I'm sending my men, you should do the same," he informs Emily.

She takes a deep breath as she contemplates her reply. She lands on a simple 'thank you' and he nods back then he leaves. The door shuts behind him.

JJ rolls her eyes once he's gone.

"You're gonna let him treat us like that?" JJ snarls. She's not mad at Emily, she's just tired of being overlooked.

Emily's phone rings and she pulls it out of her pocket.

"I'll talk to him," Emily replies before putting her phone up to her ear and stepping away.

"Prentiss," she greets.

"Hey, can I go to Rachel's house tomorrow night?" She is surprised to hear Anna's voice on the other end of the line.

"One sec, Annie," Emily says before she covers her phone with her hand to muffle the speaker. She turns back to the team to assign jobs.

"JJ, Luke, head to the latest abduction. Rossi and Matt, check out the dump site again, make sure we didn't miss anything. And Reid, I need you to reevaluate the geographical profile considering the likelihood of multiple unsubs. Tara and I are going to meet with Jane Colter's parents," she instructs.

Everyone nods and gets up from their seats. They put on their coats, team up with their assigned partner and scatter.

Tara and Emily step into the hallway.

"Tara can you give me a second?" Emily asks.

"Of course. I'll go see if the Colter's would like something to drink while they wait," Tara suggests.

Emily smiles."Thanks."

Emily finds a quiet place to take her call and leans up against the wall.

"Sorry honey, what were you saying about Rachel?" Emily says.

"She invited me over for a sleepover tomorrow night."

"I thought you and Rachel were not on speaking terms." Emily chuckles. She remembers being 15 and how easily friendships fall apart and are repaired.

"We worked things out. Please, I hate staying at Sarah's. She's boring," Anna whines.

"You stay there all the time. I thought you liked her. Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this?" Emily says sounding disappointed.

"I didn't want to make things more difficult for you."

"Anna, that is not your job," Emily says firmly. "I need you to talk to me when you're not happy about something. I can't fix anything if you don't tell me."

"How am I supposed to talk to you when you're never here?" Anna fights back.

"On Monday I was home all afternoon. You could have talked to me then but instead you locked yourself in your room," Emily says, her voice raising with every word.

Emily hears a bell ring on the other end of the line which she presumes is the warning bell that class is about to start

"Can I go to Rachel's or not?" Anna snaps.

"Fine, do whatever you want," Emily snaps back as she gives up in frustration. She's been pushed around enough for one day.

"Thank you," Anna replies cheerfully.

Emily shakes her head. "When I get home we're talking about this."

The line goes dead before Emily can tell Anna she loves her. Emily lets her head fall, not noticing that Tara has approached her.

"Everything okay?" Tara asks as she furrows her brow.

"Oh yeah, everything is great," Emily replies sarcastically.

* * *

The team had landed and Emily waved goodbye before driving herself and JJ home. They chatted about the sexist detective they worked with and chose to avoid talking about the gruesome case. Once she is home she removes her coat, kicks off her shoes and finds her way to the living room with her go-bag over her shoulder.

Her apartment is empty and quiet, almost eerie. Moments like this remind her how lucky she is to have her makeshift family around.

She flicks on the hallway light and wanders down towards her bedroom. She pauses when she reaches Anna's room. She stands in the doorway and longingly stares at the empty bed. She wishes her daughter was home, she misses her. After a moment, she continues towards her room. She throws her bag on the floor and changes into sweatpants before slumping down on the bed. She lets her head fall back and closes her eyes. She's not used to being alone.

She sits up quickly when she hears the door open. She cannot remember if she locked it behind her. Emily isn't expecting anyone so she stands up quickly. She contemplates grabbing her gun but decides to go without, she presumes that it's either Andrew or Anna.

She heads down the hallway and smiles when she sees the familiar man standing in her kitchen.

"Hey there," she greets loudly.

Andrew jumps, almost dropping the bottle of red wine in his hand.

"Oh hey! What are you doing here?" he replies frantically.

"I live here," she says as she tilts her head.

He laughs at the confused expression on her face. "Right sorry, I thought this was my other girlfriend's place," he jokes. He makes his way over to her and wraps his hands around Emily's waist.

"Busted," she whispers as she bites her lower lip, trying to conceal her lascivious grin.

"I missed you," he says before giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

He pulls her into his chest and slowly places soft kisses on her neck.

"Mmm I missed you too," she replies softly as she closes her eyes.

He reaches her collar bone before letting go.

"I figured with the place to ourselves we could have a little date night. I was going to surprise you," he says. Andrew moves back to the kitchen and pulls three movies out of a bag along with a bag of chips.

"I hope at least one of those movies is R rated," Emily says with a wink.

"You know, you're a little kinky," he teases.

Emily also moves into the kitchen and puts a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

"My kid isn't home so I'm going to watch an R rated movie with sex and violence and I am going love every moment of it. None of this PG-13 crap," she explains.

"I guess Anna never told you what movie we went to see." He laughs. He picks up the only movie that is not family-friendly and puts it in the DVD player.

"I can't remember. Want to tell me about it?" she replies, sounding curious.

"Yeah, it was a Disney movie. Just kid-friendly, very appropriate fun," he answers. He knows that she's trying to trap him, but she's only joking.

She puts her hand on her hip and gives him a phony, disapproving look. "That's funny, I could have sworn she said Deadpool."

"Did she? Ya know, Disney, Deadpool. What's the difference?" Andrew plays dumb as he shrugs.

She laughs. She loves their witty banter, it always cheers her up.

She makes her way into the living room and finds a comfy place on the couch.

"Where is Annie anyway?" he asks as he grabs the remote off the coffee table and sits down next to Emily.

"She's at Rachel's house for the night," Emily says.

"Rachel K. or Rachel C.?"

"Rachel K." Emily nods giving him a confused look. She doesn't know why he cares.

"Good because Rachel C. is a twat," he admits.

"Andrew, honey, I don't think you're allowed to call other people's kid a twat," she warns with a soft laugh and a shake of her head. "But you're not wrong."

She pulls a blanket over their legs and lets her head fall onto his shoulder. Andrew wraps his arm around Emily's shoulders as she snuggles in closer.

* * *

The movies ends, but Emily and Andrew are too busy making out like teenagers on the couch to notice. Emily reaches under the blanket and begins to unbuckle Andrew's pants.

She's about to pull down his pants when he stops kissing her back. He sits up straight and gently pushes her off of him so they are both sitting on the couch.

She stops and looks at him with worry in her eyes. "Did I do something wrong?" she asks fearfully.

He shakes his head 'no'. He hates how sad she looks.

"I know we've talked about this before but I can't keep going if we're not on the same page," he admits.

"Umm what are you talking about?" she asks.

"Emily, I want to do more. I want to be here more but you don't seem to want that." He's disappointed that she won't trust him.

Everything related to Anna has been a struggle for them. Emily took her time to introduce Anna to Andrew. She went out of her way to keep them apart for a year, and Anna did not know about Andrew for most of that year. When they finally met, Andrew felt like he was on parole. Anna was flighty and unstable on a good day and more than anything, she was afraid of men. His every move around Anna was scrutinized, but he understood that Emily was only trying to protect her daughter. That first year almost broke him, but he worked with Anna and slowly she became more comfortable.

It wasn't until Emily had no one else to turn to that she asked Andrew to watch Anna. He still doesn't feel like Emily thinks to ask him when she's in a pinch.

"Hey, I want that too," Emily says as she turns and places her hand on his chest.

"Really?" He furrows his brow and gives her a confused look. "Then why don't we move in together?" Andrew suggests.

She looks at him speechlessly, her mouth hanging slightly open like she can't find the words.

"Damn it Emily," he says after she still doesn't answer him. "Don't go silent on me!" he exclaims, the anger in his voice surprising both of them. Andrew leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He can't look at her because he's ashamed of letting his temper get the best of him.

"I can't do this," Emily mumbles, not quite sure what to make of the conversation. She certainly did not expect it to be this topic again.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asks. Andrew is taken aback by his girlfriend's sudden reluctance.

"No!" she exclaims fearfully as she registers his words. "Andrew please, that's not what I want," she begs as she places her hand softly on his back.

"Then tell me what you want! I need to know because I can't keep putting all my energy into this if you don't see a future with me," he says.

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes and it really hurts. I love you and Anna so much. I'm at a point in my life where I am ready to settle down and when I think about my future you are it. It's you and Anna all the way."

"I love you too, so much, but I'm scared," she admits as she bows her head.

"What are you scared of?" he asks with genuine concern.

"That I'll screw this up like I do with everything in my life." Emily looks up at Andrew, teary eyes meet teary eyes. Her lower lip quivers ever so slightly as she tries to keep from sobbing.

He sighs. "Babe, you're not screwing things up."

"I'm distracted at work, I'm neglecting my daughter and now I'm messing this up too," Emily lists her problems, counting them on her fingers as she goes, feeling overwhelmed by the magnitude of them.

He takes her hands and closes them in his. "That's not true."

"Anna hates me," she cries. She knows that's not true but it feels that way.

Andrew shakes his head once again. "She's 15, she hates everything," he jokes.

"Andrew! I'm serious. She was happy. When did that change?" she asks sincerely.

"She's been through a lot. It's going to get better, she just needs a bit of time to adjust. Maybe I could help a bit more."

Andrew wraps his arm around her and places a soft, affectionate kiss on her forehead.

"You realize that if you move in permanently you would be here with Anna when I'm away, and I'm away a lot," she says. This reminds her how much she misses. She only has a few years left with Anna before she goes to college. Part of her is jealous that he would be with Anna more than she would.

"I know that, I want this. I told you that I want to wake her up in the morning and make her breakfast and take her to school and pick her up from practice every day. I want to do it all if you'd just let me."

"I'd appreciate that but…"

"But what? I can handle this," he reminds her.

"I don't want things moving too fast and you're not her father." She instantly regrets saying this.

"I know that. I know I'm not. That doesn't mean I can't be a part of her life," he says. He's doing his best not to take what she's said to heart. He does feel like Anna's father though, he wants to be her dad.

Emily sighs. She doesn't know how to explain her fear in a way that will not make Andrew feel guilty.

"You are a huge part of her life. She still has nightmares about David Miller. She wakes up screaming because she thinks he's hurting her again, she thinks he's in her room. You moving in would be a big step for us but an even bigger one for Anna. I know she trusts you, she really does, but, in the moment she might think you're going to hurt her," she says.

"I would never hurt her," he assures her.

"That's why I can't let things move too fast," Emily admits.

"If we let things move any slower between us we will stop," Andrew says with a chuckle as he tries to lighten the mood.

Emily glares at him.

"Look, how about we do a trial period. I stay over for a week and if that goes well we try another, then a month. If the next month goes well we can talk about selling my place. We don't need to make a big deal out of it. We'll take it slow and if you aren't feeling it or Anna isn't handling it well we stop."

"I can handle that." Emily nods thankfully.

Andrew is a good man, he's respectful and understanding. Emily knows that none of the other men she has dated would put up with her situation.

"Good," he says, kissing her forehead again.

Emily moves to kiss his lips.

She yawns and stretches her arms. "I'm tired. Would you like to help me test the bed, ya know, to make sure we don't need a new one now that you're moving in?"

He tilts his head at her lustfully. "That's a good idea. I was thinking we could try out the shower while we're at it."

"Now you're thinking," she says as he pulls her off to couch and drags her down the hall.


	3. Chapter 3 - Band Nerds & Salami

Emily and Andrew lay snuggled under a thick duvet cover. His arm is wrapped around her shoulders and her head is resting on his chest. Soft beams of light are beginning to break through the blinds as the sun slowly rises.

Emily's phone rings and she groans in response before rolling over. She feels around on the nightstand, her eyes still closed.

"Hello?" she greets groggily when she finally grasps her phone. She does not bother to check who is calling, she can only assume it's related to work.

"Good morning, Emily. I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Emily recognizes the voice to be that of her mother.

Emily sits up quickly and rubs the sleep from her eyes. Her sudden movement has now woken Andrew as well.

"No, it's 6 am. I was only sleeping," she says sarcastically as she gives Andrew an unimpressed look.

He returns a quizzical look as he pushes himself up so that he is sitting against the headboard.

"I was hoping you and Anna would join us for dinner tomorrow night," Elizabeth replies.

Emily's eyes widen and Andrew mouths 'who is it."

She waves him away before she gets out of bed.

"I'll have to see, you know how work is," Emily answers as she tries to find her robe.

"Now that I am back in DC I expect to see you more often. Families spend time together," Elizabeth says.

"Yes, but we have a different kind of relationship. It's good. I like it. I see you on major holidays and use the rest of my time to recover," Emily explains as she heads down the hallway and into the kitchen.

Emily begins to make a coffee as the ambassador continues in her usual condescending tone, "Emily don't be ridiculous. Dinner is at 7, please do not be late again."

"Like I said, I need to check my schedule," Emily reminds her mother as she leans over the island and sips her coffee.

"Are you seeing anyone?" Elizabeth asks.

"Yes, Mother," Emily replies as she rolls her eyes.

"Very well then, bring him along." Elizabeth is desperate for her daughter to find a man and settle down.

"How do you know they're a _he_?" Emily says, looking to get a rise out of her mother.

"Well are they?" Elizabeth asks, unimpressed.

"Yes," Emily replies shortly.

"Then that's settled, we'll be seeing the three of you for dinner. Please wear something nice," Elizabeth says cheerfully.

"We'll wear our finest suits and gowns," Emily jokes.

"Goodbye Emily," Elizabeth signs off.

Emily groans and throws her phone onto the counter. She takes a mouthful of coffee and holds it in her mouth for a second before swallowing the hot liquid, wishing she hadn't answered the phone.

Andrew enters the kitchen and laughs at his girlfriend's state. "So what time is dinner?" he asks as he chuckles.

She slumps down onto the countertop and buries her face in her arms. Nothing good ever comes from dinner with the parents.

* * *

Anna sits in her final class of the day, wallowing in boredom; she hates English literature. She watches her teacher pace around the classroom, lecturing on the structure of iambic pentameter; they have been studying Shakespeare for the past two weeks. Anna does her best to stay focused on taking notes but she finds herself doodling aimlessly.

The teacher stops her lecture when Headmaster Chandler enters the class. He's a well-dressed, tall, round, middle-aged man, with a neatly kept beard and short grey hair. All the students straighten in their seats at his presence.

Anna's best friend—Rachel Kim, who is sitting next to her―leans across the aisle. "Don't look now but I think someone is in trouble," she whispers.

"What did Marshal do this time?" Anna replies, referring to the sophomore class clown.

Rachel snickers. "Who knows, he's a delinquent."

Anna sighs. "Aren't we all."

The girls are no longer paying attention to their teachers as they converse.

"Miss Carter." Anna hears her name and turns her attention back to the front of the class.

"May I have a word with you?" Headmaster Chandler requests and colour drains from her face.

"Yes sir," she replies nervously.

All the students turn to look at Anna as a soft rumble of gossiping begins to overcome the classroom.

"See ya later delinquent," Rachel jokes but Anna does not find it amusing.

Anna grabs her books and exits the classroom, following her headmaster anxiously.

"How is the 10th grade treating you?" he asks, trying to exchange pleasantries as they make their way to his office.

"It's going well, some of my classes are challenging but I'm putting in the work," she assures him.

"I certainly hope you try a bit harder," he says bluntly.

Anna frowns; she feels like she is working herself into the ground to keep up with her course load, so his comment throws her.

They reach the doors to his office. He enters first and asks Anna to close the door behind her and take a seat.

"Miss Carter, do you know why we are speaking today?" he asks, finally noticing her confused expression.

Anna shakes her head 'no' as she gulps.

"As I'm sure you know, we hold our students to a high standard, especially our athletes, and frankly, I am concerned with your recent performance," he explains as he leans back in his enormous leather chair.

"How so? I'm not failing any courses." Anna narrows her eyes as she speaks, trying to figure out what brought on this conversation.

"No, you are not but there is a distinct difference between _doing well_ and _not failing,_" he replies as he stares at her, unimpressed.

"I'm doing my best. I study all the time," she says defensively.

He chuckles at her self-justification."I don't doubt that."

He reaches into a drawer and pulls out a thick brown file folder with Anna's name on it. He opens it and pulls out a singular page. "You've come a long way in the past two years, but that does not change the fact that your GPA is 2.68. As a student-athlete, you signed an agreement that you would keep your sessional GPA above 3.0, however, you have failed to do so."

He slides the page across his desk so Anna can take a look; it is her transcript from her time at Maret. She studies it before looking up at him, bewilderedly. "I've played soccer for the past two years and I've never had a GPA above 3.0."

"Yes, that is true. We have made exceptions to accommodate your unique situation in the past. We felt that letting you play sports was more important for your confidence and psycho-social development, but, now that you have found a place at this school we feel that it is only fair to treat you like we treat all our students."

Anna's heart sinks; she was not aware that they had made an exception for her, she wasn't even aware that she had signed that agreement. Had she known she had to keep her GPA above 3.0 she would have worked even harder than she already was.

"I do not want special treatment, Sir," she says sadly. "But had I known about this GPA agreement, I would have made sure to follow it."

He nodded before telling her, "We have no choice but to put you on academic probation. You are not off the team and you are encouraged to continue attending practices, but you will not play games or travel with the team until you're GPA is in good standings."

Her sadness turns to anger as she hears the consequences. "That's not fair. We've only had a few assessments, and I didn't know about the agreement. It's not fair of you to bench me without warning," Anna protests. She hands the page back to her headmaster, not wanting to see it anymore.

"Consider this your warning," he replies. "Your scores do not reflect well on you, and if you can't get your grades up-"

"I'm not a slacker," she cuts in, trying in vain to defend herself.

"I never said you were," he says, sounding annoyed. "Do not see this as punishment. This is an opportunity for you to create better study habits and learn more, which is what we are all here to do."

He doesn't sound sincere in the slightest, which only makes Anna angrier, but she knows she isn't going to win this battle. "Is that all?" she asked, her voice flat.

"Not quite," he replies as he takes another piece of paper from her file. "I have arranged extra credit projects for you, and I took the liberty of setting you up with a peer tutor. His name is Brandon Holmes and he is an 11th-grade student. He will meet you in the library after school to discuss study times." He hands her the page, which details the lists of extra credit work.

"Is a tutor necessary?!" she exclaims, surprised that all this extra work is being dropped on her.

"No, but I hope you accept the help. I would hate for you to be kicked off your team." He smiles but it doesn't meet his eyes.

"I don't want that either," she replies, swallowing more words of protest with a tilt of her head.

"Good. I hope to see your grades improve soon." Chandler stands and gestures towards the door. "Now that is all. You know that you can set up a meeting at any time if you have concerns. I will have my secretary write you a note so that you are not penalized for missing class."

"Thank you, Headmaster," she replies as she rises from her seat, refusing to make eye contact.

The bell rings as Anna leaves the headmasters office and she mindlessly meanders to her locker. Her head is spinning over the idea of losing her place on the soccer team. She loves her team but more than that, she loves playing soccer. It is the only thing in her life that she feels is consistent, the only place where she feels like she's good enough. She fears the embarrassment of other students knowing that her grades are not as good as theirs and just the thought of it overwhelms her.

Anna opens her locker and grabs her books and homework. She's startled out of her thoughts when she feels a tap on the back of her shoulder.

"Oh hey," Anna says when she sees her best friend standing behind her. She tries to muster up a convincing smile.

Rachel frowns. "Hey? I've been calling your name for five minutes. What did Chandler want?"

"Oh nothing, he just wanted to talk about my grades," Anna explains.

"Are they bad?" Rachel asks fearfully. Rachel is academically gifted and finds it hard to empathize when it comes to grades.

"No, they're good. He said he's proud of my improvement," Anna says, hoping her lies fool her friend.

Rachel moves so she's leaning up against the other lockers. "Good because I would hate to see you hanging out with one of those peer tutors. All of them are geeky band dorks. They have no social skills and they smell like salami!" she says frankly.

"All of them?" Anna gives her friend a look.

Rachel shrugs. "Most. Are you coming over again today?"

Anna shakes her head. "I can't, I have study hall and Emily is coming home tonight," Anna lies.

"Well, that's good right?" Rachel nods. She likes Emily a lot, sometimes more than her own mother. Emily is her ideal parent, she's more relaxed and Rachel loves her sense of humor.

Anna shrugs in agreement. "Yeah, I guess it is. Maybe she'll let you stay the night on Friday."

"It's really the least she can do," Rachel says sarcastically.

"I'll make sure to let her know you feel that way." Anna grins.

"Please don't, anyway, homework calls. I'll see you tomorrow," Rachel says before waving goodbye and running off to catch her bus.

"Bye Rach," Anna calls after her friend as Rachel hurries down the hall.

* * *

Anna sits solemnly in the group study area of the school library. She watches students come in and out as she waits for her tutor.

A tall boy with curly dark hair approaches her confidently. This must be Brandon.

"Hey Anna." He smiles as he reaches her table. He takes off his bookbag and sits down.

"Good guess," Anna replies with a grin.

"I'm sorry?" he says, seemingly taken off guard.

"You walked in here, looked at every girl and chose me. You either knew what I look like or made a good guess," Anna explains. She's picking up some minor profiling skills from her mother.

The Brandon shrugs. "I wasn't guessing, I've noticed you around," he admits sheepishly.

Anna cringes. "That's a little stalker-ish don't you think?"

"You're hard to miss," he says. He watches as her expression becomes more uneasy. "I mean, there are not a lot of redheads at this school," he defends frantically.

"Right…" Anna pauses making Brandon sweat. "So you're my peer tutor."

"Yep, Brandon Holmes at your service," he says matter-of-factly before offering a hand, but quickly pulls back when Anna refuses to shake his outstretched hand.

Anna does her best not to roll her eyes at his dorky comment. "Are you in band?"

"Jazz Band," he says proudly.

"Rachel wasn't kidding," Anna mumbles to herself.

"What?" Brandon asks.

Anna shakes her head. "Nothing, can we get this over with?"

"You were the one asking all the questions," he reminds her snidely.

"Pardon me for trying to be polite," she sasses back.

"Look, if you don't want my help, I don't need to be here," he says with frustration.

"I don't want a tutor," Anna tells him. "Actually, I don't _need_ a tutor."

"Chandler begs to differ," he reminds her.

"He has his opinions and I have mine," she counters, her annoyance spilling over.

"Do you want to play soccer or not?" he asks shortly.

Anna huffs. "Fine."

"Alright," Brandon says as he pulls out his planner and opens it to September.

Anna leans across the table to take a look. Every day looks to be booked solid; she's amazed by his hectic schedule.

"I was thinking we would meet for two hours on Monday, Wednesday and Thursdays. I have band at 5:30 on those days so this gives me something to do in between," Brandon informs her as he beings penciling her into his calendar.

"Okay, so since today is Thursday, what should we work on?" Anna asks keenly. She begins unpacking her bag.

Brandon stops filling in his planner and gives her a look. "Oh, I figured we would start on Monday. My dad is picking me up soon because band was canceled."

"Well there's no time like the present," Anna doesn't stop unpacking.

"I can ask him to pick me up later," Brandon offers. He can tell that she will not take no for an answer.

"Definitely do that." He chuckles to himself and pulls his phone out of his pocket.

"I'll be right back." Brandon steps away to call his father.

Anna continues emptying her bag. Once everything is taken out, she pauses because something is missing.

"Damn it," she mutters when she realizes her math textbook isn't here.

"What's wrong?" Brandon asks upon returning to the table.

Anna looks up, smiling awkwardly at him. She pauses. "How do you feel about moving this party to a coffee shop a few blocks down? I forgot my textbook at home so we could swing by my place and grab it on the way."

Brandon smiles and shrugs. "I could go for coffee, only if you're buying."

"Sure, my treat." Anna smiles.

* * *

The teens are walking side by side down the busy sidewalk, dodging adults in suits who are paying too much attention to their phone to watch where they're going.

"So you said you're in the band?" Anna asks.

"Jazz band," Brandon corrects.

"Sorry, my bad." Anna laughs, holding her hands up in a mocking apologetic way. "What instrument do you play?"

"Piano. I'm not really into the whole orchestral scene but it looks good on my college applications. I'm more of a soloist." Brandon smiles. He loves music.

"I'm going to pretend I know what that means," Anna jokes.

"Then I'm going to assume you don't play anything," Brandon counters with a laugh.

Anna tucks her hair behind her ear and blushes. "I always wanted to but never got the chance. My mom used to play the guitar."

"Used to?" He raises his brow quizzically.

Anna looks away. "She passed away a few years ago," she says softly.

"I'm sorry." he apologizes. He's kicking himself for not knowing that was what she meant.

"It's okay." Anna shakes her head, understanding that he didn't know better.

Brandon moves on quickly as he notices Anna's mood shift at the mention of her mother.

"So how long have you been at Maret?" he asks.

"This will be my third year. You?" she asks back.

"I started in first grade. My dad went here and his dad, it's tradition."

"Is you're grandfather William Holmes?!" Anna stopped in her tracks, staring at him in disbelief. "Like the guy they named the auditorium after?"

"The one and only," he replied. "He paid—sorry, sponsored—it."

"Maybe you should be the one buying coffee." Anna laughed.

"How far do you live from here?" Brandon asks, changing the subject.

"About a block. I live in those apartments on the corner of 21st and O. Why?" Anna points down the block at a large brick complex.

"I'll race you, whoever loses, buys," Brandon suggests.

"You're on but I hope you're ready to lose," Anna teases competitively.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Brandon says before shoving Anna playfully and running off.

Anna regains her balance quickly, but still pauses in disbelief. "Hey!" she yells after him as she sprints in his direction.

* * *

Anna runs up the stairs as she laughs at Brandon who is gaining on her. He grabs and pulls at her bookbag, trying to slow her down, but it doesn't work. She reaches her floor and sprints towards her door, looking over her shoulder once she gets there to see how close he is as she digs around in her pocket for her keys.

"You're gonna have to be faster than that." She giggles as she unlocks the door.

"I let you win," he says as he tried to catch his breath.

"Sure you did," she jokes with a wink as she pushes the door open.

They step inside and Anna drops her bag at the door and takes her sneakers off. The tall boy follows suit.

"This is a nice place," he says as he kicks off his shoes.

"Thanks, we like it," Anna replies with a shrug and a smile.

"Anna?" She hears as she is taking her coat off. She tells her new friend to wait at the door.

"Andrew?" Anna yells back with surprise. She did not expect anyone to be home at 4 pm.

"Kitchen!" Andrew tells her.

She comes around the corner and smiles at the man standing by the sink.

"Hey! Is Emily back?" she asks. She opens the refrigerator and stares at it's contents, or lack thereof.

"Yeah she came in last night. She's at the grocery store right now," Andrew replies as he dries a plate and places it in the cupboard.

"Good, the fridge is empty," Anna informs him as she lets the door slam shut. She takes a bruised banana off the counter and peels it. She takes a large bite.

"How was Rachel's?" Andrew asks as he throws a towel over his shoulder.

"It was good, Mrs. Kim let us stay up until 9 pm to watch a documentary on climate change and then we discussed ways to reduce our waste and live more environmentally friendly lives. I think she's expecting an essay on sustainable practices," Anna replies with a mouth full of banana.

Andrew chuckles. "She sounds like a fun parent."

"Mrs. Kim is very Korean. It was an educational night but to add a little excitement we hid candy under the blanket and ate it when she wasn't watching," Anna says matter of fact.

"She just wants what's best for you girls," Andrew reminds her.

"Like everyone else," she groans.

As she throws the banana peel into the compost, her tall, male friend pokes his head around the corner. She had completely forgotten he was at the door.

"Who's this?" Andrew asks as he points at the stranger that has just entered the kitchen.

Brandon gives Anna an apologetic look.

"Oh no one, just a friend," Anna explains before the boy can say anything. She is not ready to explain the events of her day.

"Does your friend have a name?" Andrew asks like a concerned father.

Brandon steps further into the kitchen and extends a nervous hand to shake Andrew's.

"Brandon. It's nice to meet you sir," he offers cautiously.

Andrew takes his hand and smiles. "Oh, you don't need to call me Sir. Andrew is fine."

The boy nods and steps back awkwardly.

"So what are you kids up to?" Andrew asks as he goes back to doing the dishes.

"We're going to study, we're here to grab my books," Anna explains as she grabs a notebook and textbook off the counter.

She walks over to her friend and drops her books into his hand with a thankful grin.

"You can stay here. Don't mind me," Andrew says. He wants to supervise them because Anna doesn't bring boys around often.

"No it's okay, we going to a coffee shop," Anna insists. She can't risk anyone finding out that she's on academic probation.

She fills a reusable water bottle from the tap.

"Okay, don't stay out too late. Your mom needs to talk to you tonight." Andrew says.

"If you wanted me home on time, you should have left that part out of it," Anna says, giving him a look that dares him to disagree.

Andrew shakes his head. "Please stop avoiding your mother, she's not mad at you."

"I'm not talking about this again. Goodbye Andrew, see you tonight," Anna says as she runs out of the kitchen.

"Have fun kids!" he calls after them.

"It was nice meeting you, Sir... Andrew, Sir," Brandon stutters before he's yanked out of the kitchen by Anna.

"Goodbye Brandon," Andrew says with a chuckle.


	4. Chapter 4 - Ahoy Sailor

"You're home late," Emily scolds as her daughter drops her book bag onto the kitchen counter.

Emily is cutting bell peppers on the kitchen island for the salad she's making.

"Oh, yeah, I was at the library. I lost track of time." Anna lies.

Emily doesn't look up from her task. She's furious that Anna hadn't bothered to let her know that she would be out late. It's nearly 7 pm and Anna had agreed to be home for dinner at 6.

"You've been at the library a lot lately," Emily grumbles as she tosses the salad.

"Schoolwork waits for no girl," Anna says, trying to break the tension.

"Well, you can't go to the library tomorrow night. We have dinner with my parents," Emily tells Anna dryly.

Anna gives her mother a shocked look. "We do?" she asks as she pulls out a stool at the island.

"Mmhmm," Emily mumbles and nods but continues to avoid Anna's gaze.

"It's September. There are no major holidays that we celebrate in September," Anna babbles nervously. She's filled with anxiety over the idea of dinner with the grandparents.

"Look, it's not a holiday thing, just dinner okay," Emily snaps as she waves her knife in the air. She takes a deep breath and puts the knife down.

"Fine, I'm sorry," Anna apologizes softly.

Emily passes her daughter three plates and cutlery, and asks her to set the table.

Anna places the dishes on the table and picks her seat. Emily brings a pan with grilled chicken breast and a bowl of salad to the table and takes a seat next to Anna.

"So I ordered those cleats you wanted. I know you said the carbon fiber ones were too much but I wanted you to have the best," Emily says in a softer tone. She takes the salad forks from the bowl.

Anna severs herself and begins eating. She chooses to ignore Emily's comment about new cleats.

Emily frowns. She knows this is something her daughter wants. "Maybe you could give me a grunt of acknowledgment or something here."

Anna signs. "I just don't understand why we're going to dinner tomorrow night. Besides, you're probably going to get called into work, so what's the point?!"

Emily drops her fork, letting it clink against her plate. She swallows hard and tilts her head to the side, trying to control her emotions. "Are we doing this again?" Emily rebukes.

"What if I had plans? You never asked me," Anna argues.

"I would know if you had plans," Emily countered as she goes back to her meal.

"How?" Anna bites back.

"Because you would have told me. That's how this works," Emily explains as she takes a bite of salad nonchalantly.

"I don't tell you everything, I have my own things." Anna narrows her eyes at her mother.

Emily glares at her daughter; the tension between them is building but neither will let up.

Emily finally gives in. "Fine, you have things," she agree begrudgingly.

"Exactly, _my_ things," Anna insists.

Emily rests her elbow on the table and stares at Anna as she eats.

Anna gives her mother a confused look when she notices her eyes.

"You know, I had plans of being the only moody one at dinner tonight so this whole conversation is really throwing me for a loop," Emily recounts sarcastically.

"Just tonight?" Anna hisses as she rolls her eyes.

"What is wrong with you?" Emily snaps as she pushes her dinner away.

Anna exhales forcefully. "I'm not sure that I want to keep playing soccer."

"Where is this coming from?" Emily cannot believe what she is hearing.

"I don't think it's for me anymore." Anna shrugs.

"Not for you?" Emily touches Anna on the arm, begging for her daughter to look at her. "You love soccer."

"It takes up a lot of my time and it's expensive and very inconvenient for you," Anna explains uncomfortably. She pushes her food around her plate.

"I can't believe that you're actually saying that you want to give up soccer!" Emily exclaims in disbelief.

Anna bows her head, trying to avoid her mother's disappointed gaze. "It's still early in the year so they could fill my spot if I step down. I saw the forms, it must have cost you a fortune on top of what you're already paying for me to go to Maret."

"Oh, you have no idea," Emily mutters under your breath.

"I don't like you spending that much money on me," Anna says sadly.

"Money, is that what this is about? Because that is not something I want you worrying about. There is enough money, you never need to worry about that," Emily insists.

She takes both of her daughter's hands in hers and she gives her daughter a soft reassuring look.

Money has always been a touchy subject for Anna. Before she lived with Emily, she had nothing. She was accustomed to scrounging for cash and pickpocketing to keep herself and her mother off the streets. Living with Emily—an affluent and successful woman—is a culture shock, but it's also something Anna can use to her advantage to keep Emily from finding out the real reason she wants to quit.

"I still don't want to play. I don't even know if I want to go to Maret anymore," Anna admits as she pulls her hands away. The conversation she had with her headmaster is still ringing in her ears.

"Why?" Emily begs for a reasonable excuse.

"Because I don't," Anna whines angrily. She hates being prodded.

The doorbell rings, pulling both of them from their argument. Emily gets up from the table.

"I'm going to get that before I say something I regret. This is not over missy," Emily warns as she gives Anna a serious look.

Anna sighs. She sits silently as she listens to her mother greet their guest. She smiles when she recognises it to be Andrew.

"Hi Andrew!" Anna calls just before he enters the kitchen.

Andrew walks over to the table and smooths Anna's wavy ginger hair. "Hey kiddo, how was your study date?"

Anna's face instantly turns beet-red. "It was fine," she says dismissively.

"Date?" Emily asks, widening her eyes at Anna.

"Yes, with a male friend," Andrew teases as he makes his plate.

"What male friend?" Emily asks, letting her mouth hang open in shock.

"He seemed nice," Andrew admits. He laughs as Anna tries to hide her face.

"What's his name?" Emily asks as she paces around the kitchen. She doesn't love the idea of Anna having a boyfriend.

"Brandon." Andrew laughs.

He grabs Emily's hand as she passes by him, guiding her to her seat in hopes of getting her to settle down.

"This conversation is over," Anna groans.

"What does he look like? Does he look dangerous?" Emily asks seriously.

"On that note, I need to go," Anna says as she tries to escape.

"Not so fast, you haven't finished your dinner," Emily says, causing her daughter to stop in her tracks and come back to the table.

"You know I don't like spinach," Anna grumbles.

"It's good for you, now finish," Emily nags motherly.

"Do you see what I have to put up with?" Anna says, directing her comment at Andrew before she bites into a singular spinach leave. She makes a disgusted expression.

Both adults exchange an amused look.

"I thought you would be here earlier," Emily says to Andrew.

"Sorry, it took longer to pack than I expected," he admits.

"Where are you going?" Anna asks between bites.

Eimly wipes her lips with her napkin. "Anna we need to talk to you."

Anna sighs, "You better not be going on some kind of exotic vacation without me."

"We're not going on vacation without you," Andrew assures her.

"So I get to come?" Anna says with excitement. She's never been on vacation before.

Emily shakes her head and smiles at Andrew nervously. "No, there is no vacation."

Anna looks between both of them, unsure where this conversation will lead.

"Anna, we want to ask you if it's okay for Andrew to move in," Emily says, trailing off cautiously as she tries to read Anna expression.

"Oh..." Anna replies softly.

This is what Emily was worried about.

Anna looks down at her hands. She knew this would happen eventually, that they would decide to take the next step in their relationship, but she never expected that they would ask for her blessing. On one hand she likes having Andrew around—he spends most of his free time with them as it is—but on the other hand she doesn't know how this will affect her relationship with Emily. She's worried that having Andrew living with them will make Emily even more distracted. As angry as Anna is, all she wants is to feel like Emily loves her.

Andrew steps in, "It's okay if you're not comfortable with it. It doesn't need to happen right away."

Anna shakes her head. "No, that's okay with me. I just needed a second to think about it."

"Are you sure?" Emily presses.

"Yeah of course. It's about time," Anna says as a smile breaks across her face.

"You're telling me!" Andrew laughs and Emily shoves him playfully.

"Are you sure you're ready to give up your bachelor pad for our sorority?" Anna asks sarcastically.

"More than ready!" Andrew exclaims. He takes both of their hands in his and holds them tight.

"That's very ambitious," the teen teases.

"I'm taking a few days off to help Andrew get settled in and so we can get into a routine," Emily explains. She begins clearing the table, taking the empty salad bowl from the table.

"That's a bit excessive don't you think?" Anna suggests. While Emily is not looking she dumps the last of her spinach onto Andrew's plate.

He raises his brow but says nothing. Anna gives him a look that begs him not to tell.

"I also want to spend more time with you. I think we need this because you and I are on thin ice," Emily reminds her daughter as she takes Anna's plate.

'Thank you' Anna mouths to Andrew. He begrudgingly takes another bite of his salad. He too despises spinach.

Anna takes the last few dishes from the table and follows her mother to the sink. "I'm sorry that my recent life choices are upsetting you."

"Here we go," Andrew mumbles to himself with a sigh.

"I don't understand why you insist that there is no reason that you want to quit playing soccer," Emily says, going back to their previous conversation.

"You're quitting soccer?" Andrew asks, sounding disappointed. He likes watching Anna play soccer.

Anna forcefully rips a towel from where it was hanging on the stove. "Yes, I am quitting soccer. Why don't we shout it from the heavens. I gave you lots of reasons."

"None that are reasonable," Emily reminds her daughter. "Are you quitting soccer to spend more time with a boy?"

"There is no boy, well not in that way. We're friends, that is it. Trust me," Anna insists.

"Then why?" Emily asks again. She passes Anna a clean plate to dry.

"I don't want to talk about it. Can't you just accept that not everything I do will make sense to you?" Anna begs, hoping that they can move on for tonight.

"That is a good point," Andrew chimes in.

Anna smiles and hands Andrew a dry plate.

"Don't take sides unless you're taking mine here," Emily says, glaring at him.

"How democratic of you," Anna says sarcastically.

"Anna, please don't make such a rash decision! Especially if it's over a boy. You are sensible, I know it feels new and fun but you will be kicking your own butt later if you quit," Emily begs.

"Well it's my butt," Anna retorts.

"Good come back," Emily says in her monotone, disproving voice.

"Thank you." Anna grins proudly. Her sarcastic sense of humor and word play has come a long way over the past three years.

"I don't want you to make a mistake," Emily says sadly.

Anna groans. "I don't want to keep talking about this. I'm really tired so I'm going to bed. Goodnight Andrew."

Anna gives Andrew a hug as she passes the table.

He kisses her forehead softly before she lets go. "Goodnight Kiddo."

Anna grabs her bag off the counter where she had dropped it earlier and makes her way towards her bedroom.

"You have soccer practice before school tomorrow and you will be going. End of story!" Emily calls after her. She's hurt that her daughter didn't give her a hug goodnight.

"We'll see," Anna calls back before slamming her door shut.

"Yeah, we will," Emily mutters to herself.

"I think that went pretty well, don't you?" Andrew says sarcastically.

"She likes you better," Emily grumbles and she shoots him a glare.

Emily reaches up into the cupboard and pulls out a bottle of scotch. She pours two glasses and hands one to Andrew.

"This is how it is around here. Are you ready?" she asks him before taking a sip.

"I love it, dinner and a show," he jokes.

Emily takes a seat on the couch with Andrew close behind.

"This actually reminds me. We should talk about your role in all this," Emily says seriously.

"My role?" Andrew asks curiously.

"Yeah, I got thinking about it after our talk last night. I want you to be involved. I know if the roles were reversed, if you were the one with a daughter, and I had no say in parenting, I would go crazy. We need to have each other's backs, you know, be a united front when comforting hurricane Anna," Emily stammers nervously. She doesn't know what he will think.

"Are you asking me to co-parent?" His eyes light up.

"If you want this, I want us to do it together," she offers.

"Where did this change of heart come from?" he wonders aloud.

"I always expect things to fall apart but you make me feel like this might actually work. That means that you will be in Anna's life for a long time and I think she needs a father."

"I love your lack of confidence in us."

"Not us, just me," Emily laments as she swirls the last few sips of her scotch around in the cup.

Andrew wraps his arm around Emily and pulls her in. "We'll figure everything out with Anna together. It's all going to be okay."

Emily lets her head fall on his shoulder. "Thank you for being my rock."

Andrew runs his fingers through Emily's hair. "Thank you for letting me be your rock."

Emily places a kiss on his cheek. "Stop being sweet, we need to unpack your bags."

Andrew throws back the last gulp of his drink. "I think you're going to enjoy that."

"Why?" She finishes her drink as well.

"I bought a little something for you." He grins softly.

"Oh yeah?" Emily raises her brow quizzically. "What kind of something?"

"Why don't you help me unpack and find out." Andrew takes Emily's glass and places it on the coffee table before picking her up off the couch.

He carries her toward the bedroom as she giggles like a schoolgirl.

"Ah wait, aren't you forgetting something?" Emily asks him as they pass by the door and she notices several suitcases in the entryway.

"I have everything I need. We can deal with those later." he says.

* * *

Anna stares at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, watching as Emily sections off Anna's hair. This is a tradition they developed early on, Anna sitting on a stool in Emily's bathroom so she can do Anna's hair in a way that will meet the Ambassador's expectations. It started off because Anna was too nervous to do it herself the first time she met Emliy's parents, and now it's just how they get ready. Anna also suspects that it's a way for Emily to relieve some of her anxiety, being able to control one little aspect of the day.

"So they've never met Andrew?" Anna asks curiously as her mother brushes her hair.

"No," Emily says as she picks up the hot curling iron. She begins curling the ends of Anna's hair.

"Do they know he exists?" she asks, her eyes following the curls as they fall softly on her shoulders.

"They do now," Emily grumbles. She brushes through the curl, aggressively tugging on a knot that formed in Anna's hair.

"Are you embarrassed or something?" Anna asks cautiously.

"What? No," she says defensively. "It has never been the right time, that's all." She starts tugging harder, pulling at Anna's hair angrily.

Anna grabs her hair and leans forward. "Ow, I'm still attached at the head," she reminds her mother before she goes bald.

Emily pulls her hands away; she had not realized how forceful she was being. "Sorry, I'm a little worked up."

"I know," Anna says dismissively. She reluctantly allows Emily to continue.

"This is going to be a disaster. It's going to be like _The Amityville Horror_ without all the fun times and we are at the center of it," Emily babbles anxiously.

Anna smiles with amusement at her mother's nervous look. "We go there for dinner three times a year. That is like 9 opportunities for you to have introduced them."

"You're good at math," Emily says, like she's praising a 5-year-old. She's avoiding admitting that Anna is right.

"Thank you." Anna beams, playing along. "I think you could have saved yourself the stress by bringing him when you first you brought me."

Emily shakes her head, "I can only handle one introduction per dinner."

Anna laughs at her mother's excuse. "Coward…"

Emily begins pulling Anna's hair again, so she stands up quickly.

"Okay ow. You are officially off hair duty," Anna declares.

"Sorry," Emily apologizes. "What do you think?" she asks, hoping Anna likes her reflection.

Anna walks into the bedroom and stands in front of a full-length mirror. She admires herself for a moment. She is wearing a knee-length green and navy plaid dress, navy tights, and a forest green sweater. Her red hair is softly curled and half pinned up.

"I look like Blair Waldorf and Cheryl Blossom's love child." She frowns.

She turns back to Emily who is standing in the bathroom doorway, nervously biting her nails. She frowns back at her daughter and tilts her head as she looks her up and down. Emily walks over to her and pulls on the end of Anna's dress to straighten the wrinkles it had sustained while the teen was sitting down.

Emily steps back to looks at Anna once again.

This time she smiles proudly. "You look lovely, which is good. I cannot give my mother anything to criticize me for," she says sounding frantic. She runs back into the bathroom to finish her makeup.

Anna trudges after her. "I don't think making me look like a Rockefeller will change anything. Maybe you should let me wear sweatpants, ya know, give Elizabeth something else to talk about," she suggests.

"Okay get all of that sarcasm out before we leave," Emily requests.

"Oh that wasn't sarcasm. If you want sarcasm, I can tell you how excited I am about dinner," Anna jokes.

"Scale of 1-10," Emily prompts as she applies her mascara.

"Hard 11." Anna grins. "No one has ever felt this much excitement over what will surely be the most boring dinner of the year," she says dryly.

Emily gives her daughter a disapproving glare and hands the mascara tube to Anna so she can do the same.

"I wouldn't say boring. Do you remember the great turkey vs duck debate of Thanksgiving 2017?" Emily reminds her. This was one of their first dinners with her parents and one of the most eye-opening events for Anna.

"Everyone knows that you eat turkey on Thanksgiving," Anna says matter of fact.

"Not in the Ambassador's house," Emily replies with a roll of her eyes.

"That was a good one. I'm happy Richard let me watch football with him." Anna smiles. She likes Emily's father and he is quite fond of her as well. He took to her much faster than Elizabeth and has treated her as part of the family since day one.

"You hate football." Emily snorts.

"Yes, but I like European football," Anna reminds her.

Emly raises her brow. "I thought you were quitting that," she says snidely.

"It doesn't mean I hate the sport as a whole."

Andrew steps into the bedroom; the hostility is palpable. "Alright, ladies. How do I look?" He does a quick turn and flashes a cheeky smile. He knows he looks good. He's wearing a navy blazer with dark jeans and a white button-down. The top button is still undone and he's holding a burgundy tie in his left hand.

"Take me for a ride on your yacht sailor." Emily exclaims as she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him.

Anna shudders. "Eww. Get a room."

"Do I look rich and white?" he asks as he chuckles.

"Very rich," Emily assures him as she wraps the tie around his neck to help him with it.

Anna tilts her head as she watches them. "We're both too white to answer the other part of that question," she adds with a giggle.

Emily shoots her daughter a look that reminds her to watch what she says. She then returns to the bathroom to finish her own hair.

"Alright let's discuss topics that are off-limits," Emily yells to her family who is still in the bedroom.

Anna takes a seat on the end of the bed.

"Ooo me first," she calls back excitedly, like she's on a game show. "No talking about guns, politics, traveling, food, pop culture and, no swearing but that's more for me than anyone else," she lists on her fingers. She pauses trying to remember the rest.

Andrew makes a mental note of these topics as he too takes a seat on the bed.

"Right, and no talking about money or anything even mildly shameful in my life," Emily finishes the list before emerging from the bathroom, her hair now pin straight.

"So what do I talk about?" Andrew asks, holding in a smile at their dramatics.

"The weather, we love the weather," Emily babbles as she rushes to put on a pair of pearl earrings. They are not her style but her mother had given them to her for Christmas.

"You can use me as a buffer. Elizabeth loves to talk about me as long as you don't remind her that my mother was a drug addict. That falls under the "shameful" category," Anna suggests, using her fingers as air quotes.

Emily stops getting ready and turns to Anna. "Hey, you do not need to be ashamed of your past. I'm not ashamed of it," she says seriously.

"That's why you avoid that topic like it's the plague," Anna says as she nods sarcastically in agreement.

Emily sighs. "Can we not fight for one night?" she begs.

Anna clenches her jaw, "I don't know." she says skeptically.

"So what is Richard like?" Andrew asks trying to change the subject. He does not want to watch them explode again.

Emily shrugs. "He's there. Sometimes he looks up from his paper and nods."

"He likes golf," Anna chimes in.

"Good..." Andrew nods slowly, "I don't play golf." How is he supposed to make small talk if every topic is off-limits or he has no interest?

"Pretend like you do, just agree with him," Emily replies. "Okay, are we ready?"

"Yes ma'am," Anna replies dryly.

Emily looks between them nervously, she's trying to look for any flaws. She hates that her mother makes her so critical.

Andrew stands up and takes both of her hands in his. "It will be fine. Parents love me, I'm charming," he reassures. He would do anything to calm her anxiety.

"We'll see after tonight," Anna says in a sing-song voice, knowing there is no way to avoid the night breaking out into chaos.


	5. Chapter 5 - He's a Plastic Surgeon

"So do we go in?" Andrew asks cautiously as he watches his girlfriend.

She is blankly staring at the front door of her mother's house, though she says nothing, as if she doesn't hear him speak.

Anna leans towards Andrew, "We like to stand here and beg God for protection," Anna whispers with a straight face.

He gives her an unsure look, and she grins back at him.

"We're two minutes early," Emily says suddenly, more like she is reminding herself. She does not look away from the door.

"Those two extra minutes might kill Emily," Anna jokes.

Emily does not find this funny. "Okay, tonight I am Mom. Not Mother, not Emily. Mom. I know we're not exactly seeing eye to eye right now Anna, but I need you to be civil—at least through dinner—and then you can go back to being your usual self," she pleads. Tensions are high and it is hard to keep her emotions at bay.

"Okay, whatever," Anna agrees reluctantly. She feels ready to snap, but she knows it would do more harm than good.

After another moment of silence Emily clears her throat. "I am ready," she announces.

"It was nice knowing you," Anna says as she nudges Andrew playfully.

He shakes his head at her comment. "You two are overdramatic."

"You'll see," Anna replies before ringing the doorbell.

* * *

Elizabeth opens the door and smiles wide, however Emily can tell it's not sincere. "You are right on time," she greets.

The trio slowly steps into the entryway and Andrew closes the door behind them.

"Hi Elizabeth," Anna greets.

She extends a hand to shake the ambassador's, but instead Elizabeth shakes her head and laughs softly at the teen's actions.

She takes Anna under her arm. "Dear, I think it's time for you to start calling me Grandma," she suggests.

Anna nods in agreement but does not stay in her "grandmother's" embrace. She has never been one for physical contact, especially when it involves someone she doesn't really know.

Anna removes her coat and Elizabeth quickly puts it on the ornate coat rack a few steps away.

"Hello Mother." Emily does her best to muster up a convincing smile. She would be happy to see her mother if they had a healthy relationship, but as it stands, Emily is already on edge and they haven't even made it past the entryway.

Elizabeth turns to face her daughter, her usual displeased frown in place.

"Emily, I see you still don't bother to do anything with your hair. I'll give you the number for my stylist."

"It's nice to see you too," Emily mutters under her breath. "Mom, this is Andrew," she says louder. She puts her hand on his back and softly pushes him forward so that her mother can see him.

"Oh, well... look at you..." Elizabeth trails off as she gives him a once-over "It's nice to meet you," she says politely.

"Thank you for the invite." Andrew nods and offers a smile.

Elizabeth turns back to the other ladies without acknowledging Andrew's words.

"I can't tell you how excited we are to have you girls here," Elizabeth says with another smile, this one meeting her eyes as she looks at Anna.

"Well, we're also equally excited," Emily says, her tone flat; she is already struggling to control her anger and annoyance. She's not surprised that her mother is openly displaying her disapproval of Andrew but it still hurts.

Elizabeth picks up on Emily's slight hostility but chooses to ignore it, for now.

"So Anna, tell me all about school," she requests. She takes the young girl under her arm once again and leads her away from the other adults.

"It's good," Anna says softly, feeling uncomfortable. She looks back to her mother for reassurance.

Emily gives her a nod, letting her know that it's okay for her to go.

"We just started our community outreach projects," Anna continues.

"Richard, come see our granddaughter," Elizabeth calls as they walk into the living room, leaving Andrew and Emily lingering in the entryway.

"That wasn't so bad," Andrew says as Emily turns and rests her forehead on Andrew's shoulder. His arm comes around her waist as Emily groans.

"What are you talking about? She told me that I look like shit, and did you see the way she looked at you?" Emily looks up at him, unable to hide the sadness in her eyes. She knew bringing him here was a mistake.

"Yes I did," he replies with a sad smile of his own, "I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't have to be used to it," she argues, trying to keep her voice down so that her parents don't hear. She pushes herself away from him in frustration, but then turns on her heel and pulls his coat off his shoulders. She didn't miss the fact that her mother didn't offer to take their coats.

"Hey, everything is good," he reassures her. "I'm good, so take a moment and hang our coats, do what you gotta do, while I get you a drink. You're going to need it."

"Stoli on the rocks with a twist," she requests with a thankful smile.

"Only the best for you," he says with a nod.

* * *

The four Prentiss' and Andrew are seated around a large, mahogany wood table. Emily's parents are sitting at either end, Emily and Anna are on the left side and Andrew is sitting across from them on the right. The chairs are elegantly carved with high backs and red velvet cushions. The table is centered in the room, directly under a crystal chandelier. The table is relatively empty aside from a couple gold plated candle holders and the placemats that have been set in front of each of them. Silver cutlery is laid out on the placemats; there are far too many forks and spoons in Anna's opinion. The first time Emily had brought Anna to dinner she nearly lapsed into panic over which piece was used to eat what. She has since learned but it still makes her feel like she does not belong there.

"Thank you," Emily says to the server as she fills her glass with red wine.

She moves on to Anna. "Red or white?"

Anna looks around the table, unsure if she should accept the offer.

"Oh she's too young for wine," Emily says to the server as she places her hand on Anna's shoulder.

The server moves on to Richard but Eizabeth stops her.

"Nonsense Emily, of course she can have wine. You had your first glass when you were ten," Elizabeth says dismissively. She would find any opportunity to undermine Emily's parenting ideologies.

"Yes, and look where that got me," Emily mutters under her breath but Elizabeth does not miss this.

The ambassador sighs. "That wasn't the wine's fault. Hamena, please give the girl a splash of the white," she demands.

Emily catches her mother's icy glare. She stays there for a moment, narrowing her eyes slightly as she tries to assert her dominance. Elizabeth is more than welcome to tell Emily what to do but she has no right to make decisions for Anna.

Andrew chimes in, in an attempt to break the tension. "No, I agree with Emily. She's too young," he says, taking Emily's side.

Elizabeth looks across the table to her husband for some support. He shrugs, letting her know that she has lost this battle.

The older woman settles back into her seat. "Alright, Hamena please get a bottle of sparkling cider when you're done pouring our wine," she says snidely.

Dinner is brought to the table next. The servers lay quail dinners before each person. The meat is accompanied by a mushroom and spinach risotto and an array of colorful vegetables.

Anna pokes the small bird with her fork, not sure what to make of it. The risotto makes her stomach turn when she notices the green blanched leaves and thin-sliced mushrooms. She makes a displeased face before putting the smallest amount of rice on her fork. She knows she will not enjoy this meal.

"So, how long have you been seeing each other?" Elizabeth asks before taking a bite of carrot off her fork.

"About three years," Emily says.

Elizabeth pauses, her eyes wide and mouth falling open slightly. "Oh, so this is serious."

"Andrew just moved in," Anna says happily before taking a sip of her kid-friendly "wine".

"How exciting! Have you started looking at houses?" Elizabeth looks at Andrew but he glances at his girlfriend, unsure what to say.

"No, why would we?" Emily replies sharply.

"Your apartment is a bit cramped, that's all," Elizabeth says with an innocent-looking shrug. But Emily knows that shrug well, and knows that her mother won't drop the subject any time soon.

"You wanna see a cramped, I'll show you where I used to live..." Anna mutters under her breath but stops when she feels her mother kick her under the table.

"What do _you_ think?" Elizabeth asks firmly, directing her question at Andrew again.

Andrew nods. "It's a nice place."

"Where did you grow up, Andrew?" She sets her fork down, her gaze locked on Andrew.

"I'm from the area. I grew up in Brentwood," Andrew tells her.

"Oh, well no wonder you like Emily's apartment. That's a rough area," Elizabeth replies.

"Some parts are." He can see what Elizabeth is trying to do. She's trying to get a rise out of him, and judging as he defers to Emily. But Andrew refuses to play her game.

"Do you still have family living there?" Richard asks, finally joining the conversation.

"Yes, my mom," Andrew answers with a small smile.

"And you father?" Richard questions.

"I never knew him, he left my mom when I was a young," Andrew says.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Richard replies, and Andrew can tell his reaction is genuine.

"It was a long time ago," Andrew says simply before taking a sip of his wine.

Emily notices her boyfriend shifting uncomfortably in his seat and decides to step in. "Maybe we could cool it with the third degree," she suggests.

Andrew gives her a look to silently convey his thanks.

"Anna, why don't you tell everyone about your-" Emily tries to deflect the conversation from Andrew but she is cut off.

"No, I want to get to know your friend," Elizabeth insists.

Emily sighs deeply, wishing she could fast-forward through dinner. "Andrew is not just my friend, Mother."

"We've sure had some nice weather, don't you think Grandma? This fall has been very mild so far. I hope the leaves start changing soon, that's my favorite part," Anna babbles, trying to change the subject. Emily and her mother have forgotten they are at dinner and not on either side of a battlefield.

"Yes, we are having a nice fall," Elizabeth replies dismissively. "Now Andrew, where do you see this relationship going?" she says before taking a sip of her wine, eyeing him over the lip of her glass.

"We've moved in together. That's a good step for now," Andrew replies plainly. He wants more, but this is enough for right now.

Elizabeth is not satisfied with his answer, chuckling disdainfully. "Well Emily doesn't have the greatest track record with men, so I wouldn't hold out for too long. It's only a matter of time."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Emily tilts her head to the side and widens her eyes.

Richard clears his throat before he chimes in, "I think what your mother is trying to say, is that you do not tend to keep a man around for too long."

Elizabeth nods along in agreement. "When this doesn't work out, I have a friend with a son your age. He's a doctor." She would love to see her daughter marry a doctor.

"A plastic surgeon," Richard adds, sounding pleased.

"Yes, he's a very nice man. You know, you're not getting any younger. Don't you think it's time for you to settle down? You have a child to think about. Anna deserves a father," Elizabeth insists.

Emily wipes her lips with a napkin then pushes her chair back from the table and stands up. "Alright. I'm gonna get a glass of water. Or a knife," she excuses herself and storms off to the kitchen.

Andrew gets up to go after her. "I'll talk to her," he says, glancing between Elizabeth and Anna, who also looks hurt by Elizabeth's words.

Elizabeth waves her hand at him and shakes her head. "No, I'll go, you stay. I'll ask them to bring out dessert." She too heads off to the kitchen.

* * *

"Emily, come back to the table," Elizabeth demands, both hands firmly planted on her hips.

Emily does not respond. She is leaning over the sink with her back to the Ambassador. Her hands are gripping the edge of the counter and her head is hanging low.

"Come join us for dessert," Elizabeth continues giving orders to her daughter. She takes a few steps closer to Emily.

But Emily continues to ignore her. She turns on the faucet to drown out her mother's nagging voice.

"You're being unbelievably rude," Elizabeth scolds.

Emily has had it. She whips around to face her mother. "Is this what it's gonna be like every time you have us for dinner? I come over and let you attack me?" Emily growls, her tone wavering as she tries her best to control her anger.

Elizabeth rolls her eyes. "You're being very dramatic."

"Dramatic?" Emily cries but she quickly catches herself and lowers her voice. "Were we at the same dinner?" she says softly but forcefully.

Elizabeth sighs dismissively. "Yes, I was, and I think you've taken what we said the wrong way," she explains.

Emily exhales deeply; her fists are clenched in tight balls. "The wrong way? How could I have taken it the right way?! What was open to interpretation?!" she yells, this time she does not restrain herself.

"Keep your voice down," Elizabeth hisses in a low tone, hoping no one can hear their argument.

Emily fills a glass from the tap and takes a sip to help calm herself. "No, Mother. I can't take it anymore. Tonight has been a nightmare like always."

Emily's hand shakes with anger and water spills over the edge of her cup.

"You're dripping all over the floor," Elizabeth rebukes. She swiftly finds a rag and hands it to Emily in exchange for her glass.

Emily grits her teeth but allows her mother to take the glass while she cleans her mess. "Why do you pounce on every single thing I do or say?" she asks seriously before she tosses the cloth in the sink.

"That's absurd. I don't wait for you to make mistakes, you do that on your own. I just..." Elizabeth starts to explain, but Emily can't bear to hear another word.

"How can you sit there and undermine my relationship like that? Who are you to decide what is best for _my_ daughter?" Emily says, speaking over Elizabeth, who finally stops talking with a huff of indignation. Emily is tense with anger, her shoulders stiff and her lips tight. "How dare you."

The ambassador sighs. "I want to make sure that my granddaughter grows up with a father. You know that I don't approve of how you went about getting Anna. The only way that she will grow up to be a respectful young lady is if she has a mother and a father."

"Anna is an amazing girl. She is bright and kind and you should be proud to call her your granddaughter. It doesn't matter where she came from. And you know what else? She has a father, she has Andrew. He is a good man and he treats her like gold," Emily defends, nearly in tears.

The love Emily feels for Anna is overwhelming; something she never thought she would experience, and having her mother belittle her brave, beautiful, caring daughter enrages her. She should not have to defend her child, her boyfriend, or her life but here she stands, feeling like she will never win.

Elizabeth shakes her head. "That's preposterous, what could he do for her? He's from Brentwood."

"He does a lot more for us than you ever did," Emily bites back, making a dig at her mother's lack of presence in her life.

"What could a man like that do for you that we can't?" Elizabeth snickers.

"Excuse me?" Emily shouts, flabbergasted by her mother's comment.

"What?" Elizabeth says cluelessly.

Emily throws her hands up in defeat. How could her mother be so ignorant? "Wake up Mother, this is not the 50s. Get your head out of your racist, white-privileged ass. Andrew is also an FBI unit chief so he can take care of us—not that I need anyone to take care of me. You know what? I shouldn't have to justify any of this," Emily snaps. She is shaking with rage.

"That is not what I meant and you know better than to speak to me like that," Elizabeth scolds. She cannot believe the way Emily is treating her. She was kind enough to invite them over and feed them dinner. The least she could do is be respectful.

"No Mother, I'm done keeping my mouth shut. I love him and he loves me, isn't that enough?" Emily's voice breaks. For once she is happy, she has finally found the man of her dreams and she does not understand what is wrong. As difficult as their relationship is, Emily desperately wants her mother to accept her, she yearns for validation.

"I think you should leave," Elizabeth says seriously. Her stare is piercing.

"That is the nicest thing you have said all night," Emily snaps before she storms out of the kitchen to get her daughter and boyfriend.

They would never step foot in this house again.


	6. Chapter 6 - Or Something I Used To Be

Emily stands before her bathroom mirror as she splashes cold water on her face. She does her best to cleanse herself from the earlier events of the night, hoping that it will make her feel calmer. Her veins are still filled with rage—overwhelming rage—towards her mother and father for the way they had treated the people she loves, the way they treated her family.

She has since changed into yoga pants and an old FBI academy t-shirt. She pulls her hair back into a low ponytail, however, some whispy pieces have escaped the elastic and are framing her face.

She turns off the bathroom light, then the light to her bedroom as she heads out into the hall. She slows down when she passes her daughter's room.

The moment they had walked in the door, Anna immediately went to her room to start studying and had not been heard from since. This was unusual but Emily thought nothing of it. Anna clearly needed some to be alone after dinner and studying was a good enough excuse.

Anna's door is open a crack and Emily takes a peak but is surprised to see Anna sitting at her desk, buried in her school work.

Anna pushes her desk chair back and turns away from her laptop to let herself come up for air as she hears to door creak open slowly.

"Emily...?" Anna calls.

Emily stops in the open doorway. "Yes, Love?" she replies simply, leaning up against the frame.

"Did Andrew leave?" Anna asks. The apartment is palpably quiet.

"Yeah, he went home," Emily admits before pressing her lips into a tight line. They had both needed some space after dinner.

"I thought this was his home now. Is he okay?" Anna asks, seeming worried. She went directly to her room when they got home, not wanting to discuss what everyone was feeling.

"His old home," Emily corrects herself. "I asked if he would mind giving us one last night to ourselves," Emily says stretching the truth. Honestly, she could not bare to face him after everything her mother had said. She's still embarrassed.

Anna nods understandingly. "Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, everything is okay," Emily reassures Anna as she takes a seat on her bed. Everything was certainly not okay but she was in no mood to talk about dinner. Emily would not let her daughter see how small her mother had made her feel.

Anna bites her lip, hesitating before she speaks. "You and Elizabeth had a nice conversation."

"How much of that did you hear?" Emily asks.

Anna shrugs. "Not much."

"Not much?" Emily repeats skeptically.

"Just a little bit," Anna mumbles, chewing her lip as she gets up from her desk. She pulls the elastic out of her hair and brushes through her soft curls with her fingers, trying to act nonchalant.

Emily closes her eyes and runs her hand over her face as she lets out a sad sigh. "You heard everything didn't you?"

Anna nods slowly. "Yes."

"Well, I've never been good at keeping my voice down," Emily says, softly scolding herself for not controlling her temper.

Anna wanders over to her bed and stops directly in front of Emily.

"I heard what she said about me and Andrew. I'm sorry we aren't what they had hoped for." Anna glances down, feeling ashamed.

"Hey now, I never want you to feel like you aren't good enough. Nothing she said about you is true and I don't care what they think," Emily tells her softly. She reaches out and runs a palm over Anna's cheek as she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. She silently begs for her daughter to look at her.

"Sometimes I think your life would be a lot easier if I wasn't in it," Anna admits gently, she continues to stare down at the hardwood floor, refusing to meet Emily's eyes.

Emily's heart drops. "That's not true."

She instantly reaches out and pulls Anna into a hug.

"This isn't easy but I'd much rather have you around. I love you so much." Emily runs her hand over Anna's head, smoothing her hair.

Anna exhales and gives her mother the smile that she knows she needs to see, albeit a very small one. "I love you too."

With everything they have been dealing with these past few weeks, Anna has a hard time ignoring how hurt and neglected Emily has been making her feel as of late.

Emily squeezes Anna a bit tighter and rests her head on top of Anna's head. "I wish that we came into each other's lives in a different way but I feel like you were meant to be my daughter. I know we still have a lot to figure out but I think we'll be okay." Emily places a soft kiss on Anna's forehead, reassuring her that there is hope for them.

Anna relaxes into her mother's chest. "I don't know where I would be if it wasn't for you."

"Don't think about that." Emily exhales loudly and shakes her head. She runs a comforting hand over Anna's back.

"My hair hurts," Anna complains, referring to all the poking and prodding she had endured to get her looking ready for dinner.

Emily runs her hand through Anna's hair once again. "I know. I promise you'll never have to do that again," Emily says.

Anna wrinkled her nose and shakes her curls.

Emily stands up from the bed. "Put your pj's on and we can watch a movie in my room."

Anna tilts her head. "Only if you promise not to kick me out of your bed if I fall asleep." She too gets up from the bed and pulls a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and an oversized hoodie from her dresser.

Emily shakes her head slowly before turning around so Anna can get changed. "I don't know. You move around a lot. Last time I let you sleep in my bed I woke up with a black eye."

"At least you had a fun story to share at the office." Anna shrugs as she pulls her bottoms over her legs.

Emily throws her hands up in defeat. "Yes, for once I had an injury that wasn't caused by a serial killer."

Anna pokes her head through the opening of her hoodie before walking past Emily and out of the room. "Oh please, you cut yourself at least once a week while you're making dinner. You've had more poultry related injuries than work-related ones," Anna laughs as she heads into the kitchen to grab a snack. She is starving after having hardly touched her dinner.

"Do you like to eat?" Emily replies dryly as she raises an unimpressed brow.

"Yes, but I also like takeout," Anna shoots back. She reaches into a high cupboard and pulls out two bags of microwave popcorn.

Emily watches curiously as Anna takes the plastic wrapping off the bags and places both bags in the microwave. Anna begins punching in the time but Emily steps in. She takes one bag out of the microwave and gives her daughter a perplexed look. "Really?"

"I don't cook," Anna defends.

"This is not cooking," Emily assures her. She starts the microwave with only one bag in it.

Anna moves to sit on a stool at the kitchen island. "What movie are we watching?"

Emily shrugs before she opens the pantry. "Oh just pick whatever you want. Preferably something we haven't seen. I can only handle _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ so many times."

Emily throws two boxes of cereal and a bag of skittles on the island.

Anna reaches across the counter for the Cheerios. "Judy Garland is a American treasure. Cherish her," Anna says before reaching into the box and pulling out a handful of dry cereal and filling her mouth.

Emily give Anna a puzzled look. "Judy Garland wasn't in that movie. Good try."

"She wasn't?" Anna asks, sounding embarrassed.

"It's Audrey Hepbern, Hun," Emily says as she empties the first bag of popcorn into a bowl.

"What difference does it make?"

"A big one…" Emily pauses to eat a handful of popcorn. "I'm shocked you don't know this," she mumbles with a full mouth.

* * *

They are sitting on Emily's bed, surrounded by boxes, bags and bowls of snack food. Anna is snuggled under the covers, resting against a pile of pillows. Emily is still sitting on top of the sheets, knowing she'll fall asleep if she gets too comfortable. Anna is scrolling through movies on Netflix, and she pauses momentarily on a movie title that catches her eye.

"Oh, oh, what about _Blackkklansman_," Anna says excitedly as she lets the trailer play.

Emily sighs. "After tonight? You pick a movie about racism?"

"Good point," Anna agrees. She continues to scroll. "_A Star is Born_?" Anna suggests, stopping on another movie cover.

"Oh baby, that's too close to home for you. Pick something a little less heartbreaking," Emily says sadly. She watches as Anna's hopeful expression fades.

"Point taken. _Mission Impossible_?" Anna suggests again changing the subject quickly. She knows that Emily prefers action movies.

"Unrealistic!" Emily exclaims. She does not want to spend the night picking apart the validity of Ethan Hunt.

"You would know," Anna mocks skeptically.

"I would. It doesn't work like that," Emily says, shaking her head.

"What? Were you a spy or something?" Anna asks raising a brow.

"Or something." Emily shrugs.

Anna rolls her eyes. "Liar."

She nudges Anna playfully. "Hey! There are a lot of things you don't know about me."

Anna takes a pillow out from behind her back and throws it at Emily in retaliation.

Emily catches the pillow just before it hits her. Her mouth falls open in shock. She tilts her head and laughs before threatening to fight back.

Anna giggles, making Emily's smile grow in size. She loves hearing her daughter laugh and she misses the time when their relationship was more about spending time together and less time fighting.

"Maybe we should just spend the night talking about that instead," Anna proposes curiously. Until tonight she had no reason suspect that there was more to Emily than what she currently knew.

Emily reluctantly hands the pillow back to Anna and sinks into the bed. "Not tonight, ask me again in the morning." She yawns pretending to be tired. She needs time to come up with the right way to explain her past. She needed to find a way to sugar coat her time with the JTF.

"I'll hold you to that," Anna guarantees with a wink but Emily chooses to ignore it rather than feeding her curiosity.

Emily glances at the clock on her bedside table and notices the late hour. "There has to be at least one movie on there that we can agree on," Emily huffs, realizing that they've wasted 20 minutes discussing movie options.

"I'm just making suggestions, you're the one shooting them down," Anna defends as she starts scrolling again.

"Fine, give me that thing," Emily says as she reaches to take the remote from Anna's hand.

Anna quickly pulls her hand away and holds the remote above her head so that Emily cannot reach it. "Ask nicely."

"Please," Emily groans.

"Thank you," Anna nods in satisfaction.

"Here, it's perfect. _Zodiac_," Emily says as she lets the trailer play.

Anna sighs with annoyance. "You spend every day chasing serial killers and you choose a movie about a serial killer?" she mutters in disbelief.

"Well look who's shooting down ideas now," Emily laughs, shaking her head as Anna gives her a disapproving look.

"Leave your work at the office lady," Anna groans before she takes a handful of popcorn and tosses it at her mother.

"Stop! I have to sleep in this bed!" Emily shrieks as she picks the popcorn out from between the sheets and places them back in the bowl. She knew she would regret letting Hurricane Anna eat in her bed again.

"I don't!" Anna says throwing another piece of popcorn, this time hitting Emily in the face.

"Quit it," Emily warns sternly. "We're watching _Mama Mia_. Not up for debate."

Emily instantly hits play before Anna can protest the decision.

"Oh no, that's actually good. We've seen it so you're breaking the rules but it's been a while. Good choice, very fitting for girls' night." Anna leans back, satisfied with the movie choice. She pulls the duvet over her body and curls her knees up to her chest.

Emily pulls the covers over herself and snuggles close to her daughter. In response, Anna moves so that her head was resting on Emily's shoulder.

"That's exactly what I was thinking," Emily agrees before she wraps her arm around her daughter.

* * *

The movie is nearing its end. Meryl Streep is slowly climbing the stairs to the chapel where her daughter is to be married, the part both Emily and Anna have always found to be the most boring. Emily notices that Anna is struggling to keep her eyes open.

"Please promise me you won't get married until you're 30," Emily says suddenly. They usually don't talk while watching movies but this scene is not their favourite.

Anna begins to stirs in response. She lifts her head from where it had been resting comfortably throughout the movie.

"How about I don't get married until after you do?" Anna suggests as she rubs her eyes. She has done her best to stay awake but with every moment she feels herself drifting off more and more.

"You're going to be waiting a while then," Emily chuckles.

Anna sits up and looks at Emily seriously. "You don't think Andrew will ever ask you to marry him?"

Emily purses her lips as she shakes her head. "I guess I just never thought about it," she says before she pulls the elastic out of her hair.

"You guys don't talk about your future?" Anna asks, sounding genuinely baffled. She sees them getting married, she has always expected it to happen until now.

Emily looks into Anna's hopeful eyes and sighs as she runs a hand through her hair. "We do, but lately it's been all about moving in together," she explains.

Anna is not satisfied with Emily's excuse. "If he asked you tomorrow would you say yes?" she presses with a soft grin.

"I'd have to think about it," Emily responds thoughtfully.

She tilts her head to the side as she watches Anna's smile fade; she never expected Anna to be so disappointed. She has always tried to protect her daughter from being hurt by her relationship with Andrew, because Anna is more important to her and she's already lost enough people in her young life. Besides, Emily doesn't need marriage to be committed to someone, and she had given up on her dreams of a big wedding when she was Anna's age.

"What is there to think about?" Anna groans as she falls back onto her pillow in frustration. She wants answers but she feels like Emily is avoiding her questions.

"I've gotten used to the idea of never getting married. It's okay, really," Emily insists with a nod and a reassuring smile. She gently runs her hand up and down Anna's arm.

Anna shakes her head, not willing to accept Emily's answer. "Have you ever been engaged?"

Emily swallows hard and tilts her head to the side. "Kind of," she replies hesitantly. She doesn't want to lie to her daughter.

Anna frowns. "There are only two possible answers to that question and _kind of_ is not one of them," Anna says sounding displeased.

Emily buries her face in her palms as she takes a long, laboured breath. "It goes along with the "or something" that I used to be," she admits.

Emily peaks between her fingers to get a look at Anna's expression.

Anna sits stunned, confused that she had been living with Emily for nearly three years and had never heard about her mysterious past. "I really know nothing about you," she says, sounding shocked and hurt.

Emily has trouble finding words. She feels like she has misled Anna, and she knows that this will not help with Anna's undeniable trust issues. She has been very open about every part of her life, except for the time she spent working for the CIA. It never felt relevant to share until now.

"No Annie, you know me. I was a really bad person back then, or at least, I did a lot of bad things because of the person I had to be. I'm not that person anymore," Emily says softly trying to dance around the truth. There is no easy way to tell your daughter that you slept with an arms dealer for a case.

Emily reaches for Anna's hand but she pulls away.

Their night had turned around over the last few hours, but Emily can't help but feel like she's ruined it again.

"What did you do?" Anna begs, needing answers to stop her mind from racing.

Emily sighs. She pauses as she searches for the simplest way to explain her past. "I hurt people because it was my job. I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't."

Anna's eyes narrow as she processes this information.

"And it's all over now?" Anna asks softly, hoping for some reassurance.

Emily reaches for Anna's hand once again and this time Anna does not resist her touch. She squeezes her hand lightly. "Yes, I'm never going back to that life," she says with a nod.

A mix of emotions flood Anna. She feels weighed down by fear and disappointment upon learning that the one person she truly felt she could trust had hid something so big. But, she also feels relieved. Relieved that this is over and that she will never have to see that side of her mother. "Okay, I'm happy that you told me, and that you're done with that kind of work."

"Me too, it almost killed me," Emily mumbles under her breath. She instantly regrets what she's said.

Anna bows her head. "I'm sorry."

Emily wraps her arms around Anna. She can feel the tension in Anna's stiff body. "I'm on the straight and narrow now. You don't need to worry about me," she says before placing a kiss on her daughter's head.

Anna is glad that Emily can't see her face. She can't see the terror in her eyes and the tears she's fighting back. Tears that she doesn't understand.

Anna stays there, trying hard to compose herself. After a few moments, she struggles to get free, avoiding Emily's eyes. She won't let her see that she is crying. She quickly wipes her eyes and clears her throat. "I think I'm gonna head back to my bed. I'm tired."

"No, Anna please stay," Emily implores as Anna stands up from the bed.

Anna gathers her things and begins closing the cereal boxes. "I'll just end up kicking you in your sleep and then you'll pull some kind of spy move on me," she rambles, making excuses for herself.

"Don't be ridiculous." Emily laughs at Anna's humourous remark, however, she stops when she notices that Anna is clenching her jaw. Her eyes are glossy.

"Sweetie look at me. I would never hurt you, you know that. What's gotten into you?" Emily asks with genuine concern.

Anna shakes her head. Not willing to comply. "I'm just tired."

"Stay here tonight," Emily begs. "I promise I'll hold you until you fall asleep, just like I used to when you first moved in."

"I'm a little old for that," Anna insists, finally looking up.

"Never, you will never be too old for me to hold you. I need to make up for all the years I missed." Emily holds her arm open and wiggles her fingers like she's trying to encourage a toddler to let her pick them up.

Anna reluctantly climbs back onto the bed and finds her way into Emily's embrace.

"My mom was a good mom. She used to hold me when she was upset. It helped her," she whispers.

Emily sighs, knowing where this will end. "You're a good daughter," she tells Anna sincerely. "You took such good care of your mom and now me. How did I get so lucky?" Emily asks, trying to lighten the mood before Anna implodes into a full-fledged meltdown.

"Thank heroin," Anna says frankly as she begins to sniffle.

"What?" Emily asks sadly. She heard what Anna said but it threw her off.

"Well actually it was fentanyl," Anna shugs.

Emily holds Anna tighter, resting her chin on the top of Anna's head as she buries her face in the crook of Emily's neck. Anna begins to cry softly so Emily murmurs, "It's okay. I've got you."

* * *

"Hey," Emily says as Andrew walks into the kitchen. "I think Anna needs a few days to adjust to everything. Would it be okay if you stayed at your place again tonight?" Emily looks at him apologetically, feeling bad for asking that of him.

She's been worried about Andrew spending the night since he told her he was on his way over earlier. They had talked earlier in the day to try and clear the air after Friday's disastrous dinner, but things were still a little off between them, and she needed to put Anna first right now. She'd been sitting at the table, tearing napkins to shreds as she worried about Andrew's reaction.

"What happened?" Andrew asks as he settles into a seat across from her at the table.

"She had a little breakdown last night. It's okay. She just misses her mom a lot right now." Emily replies as she rips another piece from the napkin in front of her.

"One step forward, two steps back." Andrew sighs.

"Exactly." She nods. "Oh God, I feel like I'm trying to compete with a dead woman," Emily admits.

"You won't win that one," Andrew replies with an apologetic look of his own.

"I feel horrible," Emily says, dropping what was left of the napkin onto the pile on the table.

"Where is she?" Andrew asks with a glance down the hall.

"Library with Rachel," Emily replies quickly.

"Is that a good idea?" Andrew sounds skeptical of her decision to let Anna out on her own.

"Of course," Emily says. "Rachel's her best friend. I think Anna needed a distraction right now and Rachel is the right person for that."

"I don't know if distracting her from her problems will make any of this better," he says with a furrowed brow.

"Well, I don't know what else to do," Emily snaps; she's starting to get tired of defending her parenting choices. "I try to talk to her and she breaks down or shuts down. Everything is downhill. I wish she would just talk to me."

"Maybe she should talk to her psychologist again," Andrew suggests.

"Getting her there is like pulling teeth," Emily tells him.

"Have you considered asking Tara to talk to her? That helped last time, right?" Andrew asks.

"Yeah it did, but I can't always go to Tara when I need help fixing Anna," Emily replies, trying to keep her voice calm.

"You need to start accepting more help. You have options here," he reminds her.

"Not viable ones." Emily pushes away from the table, done with this conversation. "I need to run to the office to pick up some paperwork. I won't be long." She needs space from him because she can tell she'll keep getting snippy with him if she stays.

"I just got here," Andrew says, sounding dejected. "Do you really need to go to work right now?"

"I need to review a case file before tomorrow morning and it's in my office," she tells him as she starts to leave the kitchen.

"Can't you do it tomorrow?" he asks as he follows her.

"No, Andrew." She sighs as she turns to face him. "Please, just stop."

"Okay," he replies as he walks towards her slowly, his voice low and soft. "I'm done trying to convince you otherwise."

Emily slowly backs down the hall, still facing Andrew. She hesitates, watching as he steps closer to her. She stops and leans against the wall as she narrows her eyes at him.

"There is no reason for us to keep wasting time, fighting about work. You're here now, we have a few minutes to ourselves and I like that." He gives her cheeky grin.

Emily closes her eyes and turns her head to the side as he stops before her. She takes a deep breath, smelling his cologne. He is right there, everything she missed all weekend was right in front of her, but she could not bring herself to give in.

"You know how busy I am. I need to go over this case before tomorrow," Emily explains as she avoids his longing gaze.

She tries to slip away, to continue down the hall, but he reaches his arm up and places his hand against the wall, keeping her in her spot. She's trapped; she could turn the other way but she doesn't want to leave. Palpable tension builds between them and Emily bites at her lip as he leans over her.

"I'm done talking about this," Andrew whispers before he gently tucks her hair behind her ear, and starts placing soft kisses down her neck.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" Emily mutters in disbelief. The frustration she had felt moments ago makes her want to pull away but his lips feel like magic on her skin.

Andrew lifts his head to look at her. "Is that what I'm doing?" he asks innocently before diving back in. His lips continue dancing down her neck and towards her collar bone.

Emily bites her lip, trying to control herself. "It's not working," she says dryly as she tilts her head to the side, allowing him to keep working.

"I think it is," he breathes between kisses. He slips his free hand up her waist, pulling at the bottom of her shirt. His fingers smooth over her bare skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Emily's heart is racing, her breathing getting heavier with each kiss.

"Anna is going to be home any minute," she warns as she pulls her shirt back down to cover her hip.

"Nothing like a little thrill to spice things up." Andrew tilts his head and reaches his hand under her shirt again. His hand slowly runs up her hip and across her rib cage, stopping just below her breast.

"Are you insane?" Emily swallows hard, doing her best not whimper. She won't let him win so easily.

"Not usually, but you drive me crazy," Andrew whispers in her ear before he gently bites her earlobe. He pulls his teeth away slowly and moves across her cheek down to her throbbing lips.

Emily complies, melting into his mouth as she bites his lower lip in return. She pulls away, pushing him back slightly. "If we do this," she starts through heavy breaths, "you have to stop giving me a hard time about work."

Andrew nods in agreement. "Fine by me." He reaches both hands under her shirt, trailing them along her back until he reaches her bra, pinching the buckle to undo it.

Emily rests her arms on his shoulders, clasping her hands behind his neck. "I'm still mad at you. I'm only doing this to get off."

He bursts out laughing as he finally removes his shirt. "Whatever you need."

She too pulls her shirt over her head as they twirl across the room towards the couch. They are completely lost in each other's touch, discarding more clothes as they explore their partner's body. Warm skin meets warm skin, and their eyes close as they relish in the feeling of being so close to one another, of being so intimate.

* * *

"This is pointless," Anna groans as she drops her head into her hands. They had been studying for what felt like an eternity, but she isn't remembering any of it. Nothing makes sense and the more she struggles, the more anxious she feels.

She looks up at Brandon and gives him a look that shows she's giving up. She needs to go home soon because she can't risk having her mother find out that she's not with Rachel.

"You're doing really well!" Brandon says with a grin. "You got the last four questions right."

"Yes, but I got the 8 before that wrong," she reminds him, "my quiz is on Tuesday."

"You'll do fine, just keep practicing," Brandon replies as he places the practice test on the table between them.

"I also have two extra credit papers due on Monday," Anna informs him, resting her chin on her palms, making no move to pick up the paper and add it to her pile of homework.

"Please tell me that you've started them," Brandon says, his eyebrows shooting up.

"I was a little busy last night," Anna mumbles, looking away from him.

"Anna, you don't have a lot of time," he reminds her.

"I know that. Jeez." Anna leans back in her chair, defensively crossing her arms at the direction the conversation is taking.

"You'll have to stay up late tonight to get them done," he continues lecturing her, ignoring her attitude.

"I'm already exhausted!" Anna exclaims "I can't focus as it is."

"I know something that could help you with that," Brandon says with a devilish grin.

"Don't tell me you're selling ADHD meds on the side?" Anna asks incredulously as she leans toward him.

"No not me, but my friend does. They helped me get through finals last year," He shrugs, as if it wasn't a big deal.

"My mom would roll over in her grave and I don't even want to think about what Emily would do," Anna says, shaking her head at him.

"Do you want to be kicked off the soccer team? Because I really don't see a lot of options for you," Brandon replies.

"How much does it cost?" Anna asks skeptically. She can't believe she is seriously considering this, but he's right, she needs to get her work done and in her current state she is way too exhausted. She can't afford to fail another test and have anyone know that she's struggling.

"I have some in my bag, I'll give them to you for free," he answers as he reaches under the table for his book bag. "You can try it out this weekend."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Anna says, trying to talk herself out of it more than anything.

"Come on, everyone does it. It's not like I'm trying to get you to do Speed," Brandon replies with a roll of his eyes as he hands her a bottle labeled _ibuprofen_ but they both know that's not what's inside.

"I heard that they cause seizures and stuff," Anna muses as she turns the bottle over in her hands.

"That's super rare," Brandon waves away her worries. "I've been using them for years to get through my AP classes and I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Anna looks up at him, still a little unsure this is a good idea.

"Of course! They help," he replies with a nod.

"Fine, but just this weekend," she tells him. "If Emily catches me, I'm dead."

"Then don't let her catch you," Brandon says with that same grin on his face.


	7. Chapter 7 - Nightmares

The day is passing slowly, as most Mondays do; Emily has only been at work for a little more than an hour but already she is ready to go home. She's tired, cranky and longing to be back in bed next to Andrew. He is still not completely moved in but most of this belonging have found their way to her apartment, or rather their apartment now. She bites back a soft smile as she is reminded of how he groggily kissed her goodbye and whispered he loves her as she walked out the door. He is gentle with her, never pushing while always letting her know that he is there to share the load when she is feeling overwhelmed. He does his share, especially when it comes to taking care of Anna. He works near her school and drives her every morning so that Emily can be at work on time, and he often gets home first. When Emily walks in the door after a long day she is greeted with warm food and soft kisses. She will never get old of having him cooking for their family. Everything is starting to feel right in her life for the first time in a long time.

She stands alone in the kitchenette, holding her mug as she stirs a pack of artificial sweetener into her coffee, staring blankly across the bullpen. The normal, cheerful mood of the BAU—the small talk and the jokes—is missing. No, today there is a gloomy aura about the office. It's eerily quiet aside from the clicking of computer keys and the scribbling pens as each of her teammates focus on paperwork with their heads down.

Emily watches as JJ turns in her chair and stands up with an empty travel mug in hand. She too is heading for caffeine to help get through the morning. Emily cracks a small half-smile in greeting and steps back from the coffee machine to give JJ some room.

"This will be my 2nd, you?" JJ asked dryly as she places her mug on the counter and starts filling it from the pot.

Emily sighs. "You're doing better than me. This is my 3rd," she says before involuntarily taking a sip.

Her usual morning at home starts around 5:30. She gets up, goes for a run if she feels up to it, then showers, packs lunches for the day, makes breakfast, and does dishes. She often throws a load of laundry into the wash and leaves a note for Andrew or Anna to move it into the dryer before they leave. To get to the office by 8:15, she needs to leave no later than 7 due to traffic, and living in the city makes for a lengthy commute. By this time most days, she is at least 2 cups deep but today she feels particularly tired. She needs all the help she can get.

JJ laughs as she too takes a sip of her coffee. "What ever happened to you quitting caffeine?" JJ asks curiously as she raises her brow. They both know that was wishful thinking while trying to balance this job and having kids.

Emily shakes her head, about to answer when she notices an unfamiliar woman enter the bullpen. She is of average height and build, with short, dirty blonde hair and she looks to be in her late thirties or early forties. She has a book bag on her back and a reusable grocery bag in her hand. She looks lost.

Emily places her mug on the counter and smiles as she approaches the woman.

"Can I help you?" she says kindly.

The woman smiles back nervously as she nods. "I hope so, I'm looking for Agent Prentiss."

"You must be my 10 o'clock. Nice to meet you, Sheriff Thompson." Emily extends her hand to shake the other woman's hand.

The woman seems frazzled as she throws a paper-stuffed, reusable grocery bag over her shoulder to free up her right hand. She shakes Emily's hand politely. "My apologies, I'm a bit early."

Emily shakes her head nonchalantly. "That's no problem. I'm just making coffee but if you'd like, you can head up to my office."

Emily points to her office; the door is ajar and the lights are on.

The woman nods in reply. "Alright." She begins to walk away.

Emily calls out to her before she leaves, "would like anything to drink? Coffee, tea, water?"

"Water please." The woman smiles and nods thankfully.

"Perfect, I'll be right up." Emily nods and smiles in return, trying to make the woman feel more comfortable.

"Em, who's that?" JJ asks as Emily opens a cupboard to grab a glass.

"A sheriff from Oklahoma," Emily replies.

"Wow, long way from home. What's she here for?" JJ opens the refrigerator and passes Emily the Brita.

Emily fills the glass with water as she speaks. "I'm not quite sure. It seemed urgent. I was supposed to read over her files last night but I got a little side tracked," Emily replies, followed by a shrug and a tiny smirk.

JJ doesn't miss it and nudges Emily with a smirk of her own. "What exactly had you so distracted, Agent Prentiss?"

"That information is none of your concern, Agent Jareau," Emily says as she leaves JJ standing in the kitchen.

* * *

Emily walks into her office, her coffee in one hand and a glass of water in the other. She uses her heel to close the door after herself.

Sheriff Thompson is standing by the window. She has since dropped her bag on a chair and is now admiring the view. She hears the door shut and quickly turns around to face Agent Prentis. She seems nervous and somewhat agitated as she takes a few steps towards the FBI agent. She's out of her element at Quantico, she's used to being in charge but standing before Emily she feels inferior.

Emily hands the glass to the sheriff with a smile. "Here you go," she says, then she motions for Sheriff Thompson to take a seat and she rounds the corner of the desk to her own.

"Thank you," the woman replies as she moves her bag of files to the ground and takes a seat in one of the chairs across from Emily's desk.

Emily clicks on her mouse to turn her computer on and enters her passwords so that she can pull up the emails she received from the sheriff. "I saw that you sent me a file but I didn't get a chance to look at it."

The woman nods slowly as she tries not to look as disappointed as she feels. "That's alright, it was just a summary of my files," she replies nervously. She is skeptical of the federal government but she is also desperate for help. After putting her glass on Emily's desk, she leans down and pulls a few folders from her bag. She places them on her lap, not yet ready to hand them over.

"What can I do for you?" Emily says as she leans forward, resting her elbows and clasped hands on her desk. While she knows very little about why this meeting was arranged, Emily didn't miss the way the sheriff's hands shook when she held the glass earlier. She sees how Thompson is protectively gripping the files in her lap, which gives Emily the impression that she is extremely invested in the outcome of this meeting.

"I believe there is a serial killer in my county," she states. "I've tried to get other sheriffs on board but they don't agree with me."

Emily nods. "What evidence do you have to support this theory?"

The sheriff instantly hands her files across the desk. "In the past year, we've had countless overdose deaths. I know what you're going to say, but they weren't accidents." Her desperation causes her voice to waver as she speaks.

Emily flips through a folder, scanning the pages, quickly trying to make sense of the material she has been given. She skims over autopsy details and crime scene reports looking for something to jump out at her, anything that will support the validity of the sheriff's claims. Aside from the vast number of reports, nothing gives reason for concern.

Emily closes the last file folder after a long moment of review and leans back in her chair. "With all due respect, that is a hard sell. It's not unusual for rates of drug use to increase in small towns. With the opioid epidemic, there are a lot of drugs being laced with harmful fillers."

"But that's the thing, the rates have gone down. The recent deaths have deterred the younger population from experimenting. Somehow there are less drugs and more deaths. I went into the schools and taught the kids how to use naloxone kits but it's not kids that are dying, it's adults. It's moms and dads and school teachers. A few months ago I lost one of my deputies," Sheriff Thompson explains before glancing down at her hands.

"How many deaths in total?" Emily asks.

"In my county, we have had 5 in the past two months, but 37 this year," Sheriff Thompson replies.

"That is concerning, but I would need to consult my team to decide if this is a good use of our resources," Emily says. She realizes her mistake as soon as Thompson's eyebrows shoot up in disbelief.

"A good use of your resources!?" Thompson exclaims. "29 children have lost their parents this year, 8 of them have been orphaned. These kids deserve answers that I can't give them. Why don't you tell your team that?"

"I shouldn't have said it that way. I apologize." Emily says softly. "This team takes cases based on priority. We have hundreds of cases that we're being asked to look at, so please try to understand that we want to help but other people need our help too."

The sheriff sighs as she leans forward. Emily believes that she is reaching for the glass of water but instead her hand goes to the picture of Anna on Emily's desk.

"Is this your daughter?" Sheriff Thompson asks thoughtfully.

"Yes," Emily replies cautiously, wondering where she is going with this. Still, she can't help but let a small smile tickle the corner of her mouth as she thinks of Anna. It still feels unreal to be able to answer that question with a yes.

"She's beautiful. How old is she?" Thompson goes on to ask next.

"Fifteen," Emily informs her. She lets her guard down slightly at the sheriff's compliment but she is still weary of her intentions.

"Agent Prentiss, I have 19 children her age and younger who wake up every morning knowing they'll never see their mothers again because of this guy. Please help me," Thompson begs. "I promised these kids that I would find out who did this."

The desperation is written across the sheriff's face, and Emily lets her head tilt to the side as she relents with a small nod. "I'll see what we can do."

* * *

The few days roll by quickly. Emily has been in Oklahoma for a week now, leaving Andrew on his own with Anna but he feels that he is managing well. Of course he misses his girlfriend, however, he has no problem stepping in when she's away and it helps that he has become quite fond of being a father. As far as he's concerned, Anna is just as much his daughter as she is Emily's at this point.

Andrew is standing in the kitchen sipping a cup of coffee as he leans over the island. He is scrolling through newspaper articles on his phone; he does his best to stay up to date on current events. He finishes his coffee quickly and is cleaning the mug when he realizes the time. It is nearly 8:15.

"Annie, we've gotta go," he yells down the hall before he grabs his coat from the entryway. He grabs his keys from a bowl by the door and heads towards Anna's bedroom. He hasn't seen her yet this morning, and he starts to worry that she isn't awake yet.

Just as he approaches her room, the door flies open. Anna frantically runs past him and into the bathroom across the hall while she buttons the polo that she has to wear as part of her school uniform.

"Sorry, I'm almost ready," she says. She doesn't bother to close the door as she's only brushing her teeth and hair.

"This is getting a little ridiculous," Andrew tells her as he watches her wash her face. Last Thursday and Friday were the same making this the third day in a row that she has woken up late.

Anna puts toothpaste on her toothbrush and wets it. "I have a lot of work to do," she explains, trying to justify her tardiness before she shoves the toothbrush in her mouth and aggressively scrubs her teeth.

Andrew sighs as he glances at his watch to check the time. She has ten minutes to get to school and although her school is not far from the apartment, she will be cutting it close.

"You also need to eat and sleep," Andrew reminds Anna but she shakes it off.

He wants to help her get ready so she won't arrive at school late and get in trouble. He's not as worried about Anna getting in trouble as he is about himself. This is his chance to prove that he can handle watching Anna while Emily is away; he can't let her down.

"Where is your bag?" he asks.

"It's in Emily's office," she says as she brushes her hair and pulls it back into a high ponytail.

Andrew heads down the hall with Anna close behind. "What were you doing in there?" he asks. He went to bed before Anna last night and they both know that Emily prefers that Anna stays out of there.

Anna groans, expecting Andrew to reprimand her. "I didn't touch her work stuff. Her chair is just way more comfortable than the ones at the dinner table."

"Can't argue with that logic," he mutters to himself as he grabs Anna's book bag off the floor. He notices her binder and pencil case are still on the desk so he gathers her belongings and puts them in the bag. He sees a bottle of Ibuprofen on the desk and tosses it into the bag as well.

Andrew throws Anna's bag over his shoulder and heads to the front door.

Anna is sitting on the bench in the entryway, lacing up her sneakers. She looks up at Andrew when he comes around the corner. "Maybe we don't need to tell her I was in there," Anna suggests with a pleading smile.

Andrew shakes his head and chuckles softly. "I'm not protecting you from that one."

"I should call her and tell her about dinner last night. I'm sure she would love to hear that we started with dessert before moving on to healthier options," Anna says with a devilish grin. She gets up from the bench and puts on her blazer before opening the door and heading into the hallway.

"That was a one-time thing. Stop trying to blackmail me or I won't drive you to school anymore," Andrew warns as he closes the door behind them.

"Fine," Anna huffs before running down the hall.

Andrew chases after her once the door is locked. They run down the stairs and into the parking garage below the building. Andrew's car is near the door and they quickly pile in. Anna puts on her seat belt then grabs a granola bar from her bag and throws her bag at her feet.

Andrew's phone rings as they are pulling out the garage.

"Speak of the devil," Anna says when she sees Emily's name appear on the center console display.

Andrew presses a button on the steering wheel to answer the call. "Hey babe, you're on speaker, I've got Anna here with me," Andrew informs Emily so she knows to keep things PG.

"Hey hun, you guys are running late today," Emily points out sounding slightly unimpressed.

"I overslept," Anna admits through a mouthful of granola.

"What time did you go to bed?"

"Around 2," Anna lies, truthfully she fell asleep sometime after 6 but she would not let either of her parental figures know that she is running on less than two hours of sleep.

"No wonder. You need to go to bed earlier tonight," Emily tells her sternly and Anna is quick to roll her eyes in response. It is a good thing that Emily cannot see her.

"I will. I gotta go," Anna whines as they pull up in front of her school, already reaching to unbuckle her seat belt. The warning bell is ringing in the distance as Anna tugs the handle to allow the car door to crack open.

"Have a good day at school. I love you," Emily says sincerely as Anna is stepping out of the car.

"Bye Emily," Anna replies and with that she slams the door and runs off.

Andrew drives off in silence. Emily has not hung up and Andrew knows what she is about to say but he waits for her to speak. He knows how overwhelmed she is with the current case she's working and he does not want to push her by trying to make excuses.

After a moment she sighs. "You let her stay up until 2 a.m. on a school night?" she asks, sounding disheartened. She wants to be able to trust him with Anna.

Andrew could just apologize but he needs Emily to know that he can do this. It will take some time to get used to all of the little things but he is determined to get this right, for both of them.

"No. Not intentionally. She was working on an assignment at the dinner table when I went to bed. She said she was almost finished. That was at 10," he explains confidently. Aside from not getting up in time, he had gotten Anna to school on time and she ate something. That was a victory in itself.

Emily sighs once again. She wants to forgive him because she knows Anna can be challenging but she wishes she were home. This would not have happened if she were home.

"You need to check on her, she can't keep track of time when she's studying," Emily reminds him. Over the past few weeks all Anna does is study. She studies with her tutor Brandon, with Rachel and when she is at home, she can usually be found studying at the dinner table.

Andrew does not want to upset Emily but based on their talk the previous night, she is struggling right now.

"How are you doing today?" he asks seriously.

He hears Emily's voice breaking as she speaks. "I'm starting to lose it. This morning a woman overdosed in front of her 12 year old daughter. All I could think about was how much she reminds me of Anna. I broke down in the SUV on the way back to the station," Emily admits. She has never been terribly open about her feelings but Andrew is her confidant. She is comfortable because she knows he will never judge her.

He hates to hear her upset. If she were home, he would hold her and make her feel loved but that is hard over the phone.

All he can say is, "you'll be home soon."

Emily takes a deep breath to calm herself. "Not soon enough."

"Wrap it up and come home safe. We'll be waiting for you," He reminds her as he pulls into the parking garage down the street from his office building.

She scoffs. "I'll do my best," she mutters before they lapse into silence again.

Andrew's car is parked and he is sitting solemnly in the garage wishing he could be with her right now. Neither of them are ready to end the call but they both have jobs to do.

She is the first to say goodbye. "I need to go, but I love you. I'll call you tonight."

Andrew follows suit. "I'll be looking forward to that call. I love you," he says. He never gets tired of saying those three words.

* * *

The bell declaring the end of the 4th-period rings. Anna and her classmates all burst from their seats and race out of the class as the teacher is yelling to remind them of upcoming assignments. Anna steps into the hall and is greeted by Brandon, who is leaning up against the lockers just outside the door. Without missing a step he pushed himself into a standing position and walks right alongside Anna as she heads to her locker. They only have a short break between classes. The pair walk together down the hall, ignoring the looks they are getting from other students. They're not the kind of people to be handing out together; they come from different walks of life.

Brandon is rich and smart. He is neat, proper and polite which is why everyone at school is his friend, or at the least, an acquaintance. Most importantly, he is very intelligent to a point that almost gets him in trouble but he likes to take risks. Anna, on the other hand, is poetically imperfect. She is an athlete but she is not a jock by any means. She has few friends but the ones she does have she keeps close. She is a messy individual, very rough around the edges, and she struggles in school. They are polar opposites and in high school that is an unusual friendship.

"How did your quiz go?" Brandon asks sincerely.

Anna shrugs as she hands the paper she is holding to him. "B+," she mutters feeling that he'll be disappointed in her. They had spent so much time studying together and still, she could not pull off an A.

Unexpectedly, Brandon smiles proudly. "And your papers?"

"I got a B and an A-," Anna tells him watching as his face lights up once again.

He nods his head. "Respectable."

The slow their pace when they reach Anna's locker. She turns the lock in the correct pattern and unlocks it then she pulls her bag off her back and rest is against the locker below. She starts taking books out of her bag and replacing them with others. All the while, Brandon is leaning against the locker watching her. He can't help but stare and grin.

He leans in and whispers, "I guess they worked for you," making a devilish smile cross Anna's face.

"Yeah, can I get more?" she asks in a whisper of her own.

Brandon frowns and pulls away back, then he looks down the hall, nervously scanning for teachers. "Not at school," he says. His smile is gone. He understands the risk involved with taking medication to enhance academic performance. Just like steroids in elite sport, ADHD medication was taboo even though a lot of students were doing it.

Anna zips up her bookbag and frowns when she notices his distinct change in behavior. "I thought you said that everyone does it. What's the problem?"

Brandon's eyes grow wide. He's baffled that she is still talking about this so openly. He leans in and in a hushed, harsh voice he warns, "Do you want our teachers to know? Do you want to be expelled?"

Anna lets her playful smile fall when she realizes the fear in his eyes. "Brandon I need this," she says seriously.

He shakes his head, silently chastising himself for what he is about to say. "I'll let my guy know. He'll call you." He can't stop himself from giving her what she wants.

"Thank you," Anna replies and she turns away from her locker and heads to her next class.

Brandon races after her, trying not to bump into other students as he catches up. Anna is much smaller so she can weave through the hall without effort. Brandon on the other hand is tall and lanky. His long body makes him uncoordinated when it comes to any kind of physical challenge. Chasing after Anna was no different.

"Do you want to study tonight?" he says to her when he finally reaches her.

Anna simply shakes her head. "My team has a home game, I'm expected to be there to watch."

"Well, maybe we could catch a movie instead?" Brandon asks nervously, avoiding Anna's smug look.

At that Anna makes a b-line for the closest free wall-space and stops dead in her tracks. She looks up at him as she tilts her head to the side. "Like a date? That sounds like a date?" she says in a mocking tone. She's not oblivious to the feeling Brandon has started to develop for her but she has not decided if she feels the same way.

Brandon reaches his hand up and rubs his neck as he cranks it to the side to avoid Anna's eyes but unfortunately catching looks from passersby. He gulps. "It's not a date if you don't want it to be," he assures her.

To Brandon's surprise, Anna takes his free hand in hers. He turns back to her to find a warm smile there to greet him. "I'd like that but I can't tonight. I have a lot of homework and my turning points essay is due in a couple of days," she says thoughtfully before she continues walking still holding his hand. She pulls him along.

Brandon smiles, larger than he thinks he ever has. Yes, she shot him down but she showed some interest.

"I hated writing that. It's like they're grading you based on how traumatic your life has been," he says scornfully.

"Yeah I don't really know what to talk about," Anna agrees. She is nearly at her class but they still have few moments so they stop by a water fountain.

"Oh common you must have something. Why don't you talk about your mom," he says seriously. Anna has started to open up to him about her life over the past couple weeks. She told him about how she came to live with Emily and how she felt about being there.

She likes having someone else that she feels comfortable with other than Rachel. Brandon is easy to talk to but it still makes her uncomfortable that he throws around the M word like it's nothing.

"I'd feel like I'm using her story for a grade," she replies hesitantly as she pulls out her water bottle and starts filling it.

"It's about you. Something that happened to you that changed your life. I wrote about my grandpa's heart attack," Brandon tells her to help give her ideas.

Anna shrugs as she screws the lid onto her bottle. "I don't have a grandfather to write about."

"No, but you've been through a lot," Brandon continues.

Anna knows where he is going with this and she silently begs for him to stop. "I think I'll just write about soccer," she says simply in an effort to sound unbothered.

"Oh come one, dig a little deeper. If my mom died, my life would change," Brandon says bluntly.

He instantly regrets it when he sees the slightest glossiness of Anna's eyes. "Sorry," he apologizes immediately.

Now it is Anna's turn to look uncomfortable. She looks down at the floor. "It's fine. I'll talk to you tomorrow, I need to get to class," she says to excuse herself before she gets upset.

As she steps away, he calls after her, "See you later. Good luck at the game!"

She instantly forgives him. Anna looks over her shoulder and smiles as she shakes her head. "I'm not playing so don't give me that."

"You will be soon if you keep it up," he says with a big smile. The warning bell rings and without saying bye he runs in the other direction as quick as possible. His class is on the other end of the school.

"Bye Brandon," she says to herself softly as she watches him disappear down the hall.

* * *

Later that night, Anna is laying on top of her bed already dressed in her pajamas with her laptop open in front of her and a notebook full of scribbled ideas beside her. She sighs deeply for what may be the hundredth time as she flips the page of her notebook over, ready to start over. She pulls the pen that she has been gnawing on out of her mouth and starts writing, forcing herself to come up with an opening paragraph for her essay. She is at a loss for how to start her essay but she is running out of time. She cannot write about soccer, no, she needs to dig deeper. She needs to write about her mother. Anna is desperate for a good grade but is it fair for her to share her mother's story? It's my story too, she reminds herself continuously but it does not help settle her guilty conscience. These essays are supposed to be about learning to tell a story and evoke feeling but like Brandon had said, they grade you on how traumatic your life has been. Anna life is certainly notable in that category. She needs a way for her essay to encompass all the hurt in her life while still showing that her mother was a good person. Part of her also feels like she's betraying Emily every time her mother crosses her mind, like acknowledging her mother is, in some way, undermining everything that Emily has done and continues to do for her.

With her mind swirling once again, she rips the page from her notebook and scrunches it into a tight ball before tossing it across the room. It ricochets off the wall and lands among a pile of similar-looking paper balls. She groans and lets her body fall flat on the bed in frustration, planting her face in the sheets. She wants to scream.

She stays like this for a few moments. Her eyelids are heavy and she feels her body sinking further and further into her bed. She is feeling the full weight of sleep deprivation creeping up on her.

A knock at the door startles her. She pushes herself up onto her elbows and quickly shuts her laptop before announcing that they can enter.

The door slowly swings part-way open and Andrew peeks his head in. "Bedtime, okay?" he says softly with a smile. He can see exhaustion written on Anna's face as she yawns in response.

She puts up no fight. She moves her laptop and notebook to the floor then simply slips under the covers and rolls onto her side so that she is facing the door.

Andrew asks her if she has set her alarm and she responds with a simple nod. That's all she can manage now that she is snuggled into bed and on the verge of slipping into an unconscious state.

Her eyes are already fluttering when she hears Andrew whisper goodnight. Over the past few weeks, she has finally come to realize that her relationship with Andrew is all she has ever hoped for, someone to be there all the time. She never needs to worry that Andrew will have to leave without warning for work like Emily does so often. He has become a constant in her life, the consistency that she has always longed for. She takes comfort in knowing that he will still be there when she wakes up.

She mumbles the same goodnight in response then he flicks her lights off and shuts the door behind him. As he walks down the hall to the room he shares, he gives himself a mental congratulations because tonight he has done everything right. Emily has no reason to worry.

* * *

Anna wakes up, startled by the sound of activity in the apartment. She sits up in bed, feeling disoriented as she looks around her room as if she is expecting someone to be there. She sees nothing but darkness so she carefully lifts her body out of bed and stumbles to her door in a haze. She slowly turns the doorknob and gingerly pulls the door open, silently begging it not to creak as it moves.

The noise is a mix of muffled, erratic thumping coming from the living room, almost like someone is hitting the furniture, giving Anna the impression that the couch and coffee table are both being continuously bumped into.

There is only one other person home right now and she knows that he would be a lot more careful not to wake her at 3 a.m. What the hell is Andrew doing? Anna thinks as she walks down the dark hallway, bracing herself with one hand gripping the wall.

When she reaches the end of the hall she is astonished by what she sees, or rather what she is not seeing. She doesn't know what she expected but to her surprise there doesn't seem to be anyone in the living room. But the sound is becoming louder. She scans the room with her eyes, trying to find what is making the noise. Her vision is blurry so she starts to squint, looking for something out of place.

That's when she sees the feet.

On the floor, sticking out from between the couch and the coffee table, a pair of sock covered feet and bare ankles twitch uncontrollably. She cannot tell who they belong to but she knows that they are not Andrews. The feet are too small, the ankles are pale in colour, and far too bony.

They belong to a woman.

Every sane part of Anna is screaming for her to find her pseudo-father but something draws her in, almost like she's in a trance, she needs to see who it is. There is a familiarity to this moment but she cannot understand why, she just needs to know who it is.

With light footsteps she approaches the couch from behind and with caution she peers over the top. She still only sees part of the body that lies on the floor, though she can tell it's a dark-haired woman. Every inch of her body is convulsing, her knees banging the legs of the table and her head bouncing off the floor and the side of the couch. She can see the woman's face but Anna's eyes are playing tricks on her. She stares for a short moment but still she cannot recognize the blurred face; it is as if all of the distinguishing features have been wiped clean.

Anna knows she should get help right now. This is the point where adults get involved but once again she lets reason fall by the wayside. She needs to know who it is.

Without any more consideration, she rounds the corner of the couch and drops to her knees instantly. This scene is one she knows too well.

The rubber band tourniquet and the needle still stuck in the woman vein, hanging from her skin. The uncontrollable shaking that can only be attributed to a seizure. It's the clenched jaw and the foaming saliva around the woman's mouth that makes Anna break. The blurred face finally becomes clear and all she can do is stare at it as tears cascade down her cheeks.

She's not able to move, not able to help.

She is frozen and forced to watch as Emily overdoses.

Anna has seen this before, from a young age she learned what to do when her birth mother had taken too much of a drug but right now she is at a loss. Never did she expect that this would happen again and with Emily of all people.

Anna leans forward with her palms on the floor to support herself as waves of pain wack her body. She sinks into the floor and curls into herself, finally looking away as the convulsing subsides. She doesn't need to check, she knows that the stillness of Emily's body means that she's gone. She screams and cries in agony because once again someone she loves has let her down.

In an instant, her life is crumbling around her.

She hears a familiar voice yelling in the distance. Someone is calling her but she cannot make out what they are saying. They sound like they are underwater. The yelling gets louder and she starts to understand what they want but she can't leave Emily. She reaches out and grasps Emily's rigid, lifeless hand.

It's still warm.

Again she hears someone calling her name. They're right beside her now.

Suddenly she feels two hands reach under her arm. She is being pulled off the floor but she continues to hold Emily's hand as someone attempts to drag her away. Her fingertips slip across the back of Emily's hand as she fights to keep her hold but with one more forceful yank of her body, she loses contact. She swings her legs and throws her arms but it is no use.

She whales as she is whisked into darkness. "Mom!"

Anna's eyes finally flash open. She's in a confused daze, still fighting to be free of the hands that are now tightly holding her wrists and she's still crying heavily. Her watery eyes are making it hard to see straight. She screams for Emily, for her mother, begging her to rescue her but all Anna can hear is a man's voice in reply.

When Andrew sees her eyes open he tries to smile through his own fear to reassure her that she is okay. He loosens his grip on her arms in hopes that she will settle down and he quiets his voice so that he is no longer yelling. He speaks low and soft, reminding her that she is safe. It was only a bad dream.

Emily has mentioned Anna's nightmares from time to time. She had not had one this bad in a long time but of course, it would happen while Emily is away. Emily never went into too much detail because she respects Anna's privacy but right now Andrew is wishing he had truly understood the full extent of the problem. He doesn't know how to calm her—how to help her—and it's breaking his heart.

Slowly Anna notices the lights are on and her eyes lock on Andrew's. He reaches out to put his hand on her back but she pulls away, scooting to the other side of the bed to get away from him. She wrapped her arms around her body as she shakes uncontrollably. Her crying is still panicked and delirious and Andrew does not know what to do for her.

He takes a step back, allowing her some space all the while he repeats softly, "It's okay, you're safe."

Andrew doesn't even know if she recognizes him. He needs to call Emily but this will only make her more upset right now because she can't drop everything and come home. This will make her feel more helpless. He wants to prove to her that he can take care of Anna. For their relationship to work, she needs to be able to trust him with Anna and that means telling her when something is wrong.

Andrew can't leave Anna like this but he needs to make this call.

Looking around the room he sees Anna's phone on her nightstand. He explains to Anna everything he's doing, so she is not startled. He takes her phone off the charging stand and goes to the emergency contact screen, then clicks on Emily's contact.

He pulls the phone up to his ear as it rings. "Come on, answer your phone," he whispers to himself desperately.


	8. Chapter 8 - Tape Me Up

Andrew steps into the hallway. Anna's bedroom door is still open and he can hear her heart-wrenching sobs as they echo through the apartment.

The line continues to ring and he silently begs for Emily to answer. He bows his head when the ringing ceases and the answering machine picks up.

"Damn it, Emily," he whispers to himself. He pulls the phone away from his ear and instantly redials her number. She has to be sleeping. She wouldn't ignore this call.

Once again the line rings and he anxiously waits for her to pick up. He lets out a breath that he did not know he was holding when the ringing suddenly stops and he hears movement on the other end of the line.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Emily says, her voice laced with worry.

"Did I wake you?" Andrew asks in response.

She's surprised to hear his voice. Her caller ID had shown Anna's name moments ago. She sits up in bed and flicks the bedside table light on.

"Andrew? What's going on?" she asks. It's late, neither of them should be awake right now.

Andrew sighs, knowing how upset she will be. He knows she won't be mad at him, she'll blame herself which makes him more reluctant to tell her the truth. But, he can't lie and he can't solve this problem without her help.

"Anna had a nightmare. It's bad. What should I do?" he asks remorsefully.

Emily's worried demeanor shifts quickly to despair. "Can I talk to her?" she asks softly.

He runs his hand over his face before he responds, "You can try. She's not listening to me. She won't let me near her."

"You need to suppress her nervous system," Emily says within an instant. She's comforted Anna after many nightmares and she knows how terrifying it can be to see her in a state of panic.

"What?" Andrew has no idea what that means.

"She needs deep, constant pressure," she explains hoping that he will understand.

Andrew glances over his shoulder at Anna who is still sitting on the far edge of her bed with her arms wrapped around her knee and trembling in fear.

"You want me to hug her. She won't let me touch her, she keeps backing away from me," he says harshly as he lets his emotions take over. He doesn't mean to be upset but he feels powerless.

Emily exhales loudly, trying her best not to get upset with him because it's not his fault that he doesn't know what to do. She knows that she should have told him what happens when Anna has nightmares. If she were there she would be able to make Anna calm again.

"Just grab her. It's going suck and she's going to fight you at first but she'll calm down eventually. Put me on speaker," Emily instructed with a sense of urgency. She spoke like this when they had met, while they were hunting the machete killer. It demanded attention and he had found it sexy then but right now it is making every hair on his neck stand up straight.

He steps back into Anna's room, causing her to jump at his presence. He moves slowly towards the bed with his hands up to show her that she is not in danger but she continues to inch away from him until she is sitting with her back against the wall. She's trapped.

He places the phone on the nightstand but not before he taps the speaker button so that Emily can hear and be heard. He tells Emily that Anna can hear her so Emily begins to speak.

Once again her voice completely melts. "Hey Annie. It's me. I need you to let Andrew help you," she says in a gentle, motherly voice. Andrew can almost hear her soft smile.

Anna begins to cry loudly when she hears Emily's voice.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Andrew reassures Anna as he continues moving toward her. He remembers what Emily told him about the possibility of Anna mistaking him for the man that had hurt her many years ago.

Anna presses herself into the wall; any harder and she will leave a body shaped dent in her wake. She begs Andrew to leave; all she wants is her mom. She desperately needs to see Emily.

Before Anna can escape, Andrew grabs hold of her arms and pulls her into a tight embrace as he lifts her off the bed.

"No, no I don't want this," Anna screams and thrashes in his arms.

Andrew holds her tighter. This went against everything that he had been told about dealing with Anna. Emily always told him to let her initiate any physical interaction.

"It's okay honey. Don't fight it," Emily tells her daughter. Anna's blood-curdling cries are piercing her ears through the phone, she flinches at the heartbreaking sound. She would do anything to be with Anna right now.

"Let go, I don't want this," Anna begs through tears as she claws at Andrew's sweater but he does not give in to her cries.

Anna's wails are excruciating for Emily to hear. Her heart is crumbling in her chest with every sorrow-filled sound.

"Anna focus on me. Focus on my voice. You're okay. Can you tell me what happened?" Emily says calmly although she is far from calm as she paces around her hotel room. She wants to crawl through the phone; she should be the one holding Anna right now.

Anna continues to cry, ignoring Emily's question. She's preoccupied with her need to fight her way free of Andrew's embrace. She kicks her legs and swings her arms erratically, accidentally hitting him over and over. She doesn't mean to hurt him but she feels trapped and unable to breathe.

Her hand flies up and hits Andrew in the eye, causing him to groan in pain.

"I think she's made it clear that she doesn't want to talk about it," he says to Emily harshly. He bites his tongue as the words leave his mouth. This is not Anna's fault.

"Give her a moment," Emily tells him in a warning tone. Her only concern is Anna right now.

Andrew holds Anna firmly against his body. He reminds her repeatedly that she is safe and slowly her pounding heartbeat and hyperventilating begin to subside. Her crying has softened into pitiful whimpering as she rests her head on his chest. They stand like this in near silence-only Anna's soft cries can be heard-as Andrew rocks back and forth on his feet in an effort to soothe her. She melts further and further into him until her cries have faded to soft sniffles.

Cautiously he moves her back onto the bed but he does not let go. She is now gripping onto him tighter than he is to her.

On the other end of the line, Emily is blinking away tears. "Sweetie you're safe now. Please tell me what happened," Emily says sadly.

"You died. Just like my mom. I found you and I watched you die." Once again, Anna cries as memories of her nightmare flash before her eyes. She tries to blink the image away but it's no use.

"Hey hey, I'm okay. I'm in my hotel room and I'm okay," Emily assures her daughter. "How did I die in your dream?"

"Like my mom." Anna sniffles.

Emily closes her eyes and purses her lips. "I'm so sorry you saw that Anna."

Anna is still struggling to get a grip on reality. She needs to see Emily and hug her. She needs tangible proof that what she saw was not real. "Where are you? Please come home. You're supposed to be my mom and I need you."

Emily runs her hand through her hair and sighs before shaking her head to herself. "I wish I could. I would give anything to be with you right now but I have to work," Emily's voice breaks in anguish.

But it's not enough. Not for Anna.

Anna finally lets go of Andrew and pulls away from him completely. She feels like she is about to start crying again but now for a different reason. "Why can't you be here when I need you? Why does everyone else come before me?"

There was a time when Emily was always there but as their relationship became more comfortable and Anna grew to need her less she let her job take over.

Emily is now filled with guilt. She blames herself constantly for not giving Anna enough attention but to hear her say that she feels like she's the second fiddle is unbearable. "That's not true. I know it feels that way but I promise that you come first," Emily pleads.

"Then come home," Anna cries.

"I will, as soon as I'm done," Emily promises but it does not ease Anna's pain.

* * *

An hour has passed since Anna had woken up and she is now calmly sitting on the edge of her bed in a daze, staring at the floor, lost in thought. Andrew has taken Emily off speaker so that they can talk more privately and is now standing in Anna's doorway watching her. He tells her he will be right back.

"How did you know that would work?" Andrew asks as he makes his way down the hall.

"You're going to laugh," Emily mumbles.

"I won't. I promise," he replies as he steps into the kitchen.

"Grey's Anatomy," she says and instantly she can hear him trying to suppress his laughter. "See you're laughing."

"Sorry. I'm sorry it's not funny. It worked." He leans over the counter and lets out a tension-filled breath he didn't know he had been holding in.

Andrew swallows hard to try and get rid of the lump that has formed in his throat. He doesn't want to overstep but Anna needs her mom. "There's no way you can come home?"

"I'll make a call to the director in the morning but she's not very understanding when it comes to family emergencies," Emily replies hesitantly. She doesn't want to get his hopes up because she knows that she will not be allowed to leave.

Andrew sighs. He understands but he was hoping for a better answer. "Are you almost done?"

"I hope so. We have a lead. If it pans out I think we'll be home in a couple of days," Emily explains.

"She can't wait a couple days," he says solemnly. He turns around to find the kettle so that he can make tea.

Emily runs her hand over her face and shakes her head. She knows he means well but she doesn't need to be reminded that she's letting Anna down again. "I know that but I have no choice. Please try to take care of her until I get back. I'm making her an appointment with her psychologist in the morning."

Andrew nods to himself as the kettle starts whistling. "I should let you go. I need to try to get Anna back to sleep. She has school in the morning."

"She might be better off staying up at this point," Emily offers with a light chuckle to lighten the mood.

Yet the tension does not subside. Emily swallows hard as she waits anxiously for his response.

"I wish you had told me how bad her nightmares are," Andrew says, his tone laced with disappointment.

"I know that I should have but I thought that she was doing better," Emily defends but she knows that this is her mistake.

He fills two mugs with hot water and drops a tea bag in each one. "Has she ever had one like that before?" he asks while he waits for the tea to steep.

"About me dying?" Emily shrugs to herself. "Not that I know of but it's my fault that this is happening again."

"No it's not. She's got a lot of psychological trauma. That's not on you," he replies seriously.

It's not enough to stop her self-deprecation. "It feels like it is," she says.

* * *

Anna's been struggling to get through the day but finally, the last bell has rung and she is free. She is standing in front of her locker when she hears her phone ring. She expects that it's Emily again which she will not answer. She's been dodging her mother's calls all morning.

"Hey Andrew," Anna answers sheepishly as she pulls her phone to her ear. She's thankful it's him but she's still embarrassed about her nightmare.

"I'm just checking in. How was school?" he asks.

Anna yawns. "Long. I almost fell asleep a few times."

Andrew yawns as well and they both laugh at how exhausted they are feeling. "You're almost done. I noticed you have a game at 4:30."

"Yep against Colonial High," Anna replies as she continues to pack her school bag.

"I'll be there! I haven't been to a game in a while," Andrew says with excitement.

Anna's eyes widen. "Oh no, you don't need to be there." She tries to brush him off.

"I like soccer. I'm happy you didn't quit," Andrew tells her.

"It won't be an exciting game, we always beat them by a lot and I hurt myself in Phys Ed today. I won't be playing," Anna lies, out of panic. She had managed to keep being benched a secret for so long and she was so close to having the grades to play again. She couldn't risk Andrew finding out the truth now.

"What did you do?" He asks, sounding worried.

"Rolled my ankle but it's okay. I'll be fine in a few days," Anna continues to lie in an effort to make her excuse believable.

"Do you want me to make you an appointment to get it looked at?" Andrew offers.

"No," Anna blurts out hastily, "I mean it's fine. It's taped up."

"Okay, I'll still come watch. Maybe you can sit with me," Andrew says hopefully.

Once again, Anna shoots him down. "I'll be on the bench with the team."

"I guess I'll just call Em during the game," he says.

Anna rolls her eyes at the mention of her mother. "She won't have time for a play-by-play."

"Just a few more days and we'll have her back," Andrew reminds her but Anna is not convinced.

"Will we?" Anna asks skeptically. She pauses to wait for his response but before Andrew can reply Anna sees her friend down the hall. "I see Rachel. I'll see you later."

"Okay, see you later kiddo," Andrew says but Anna has already hung up.

Anna pulls her soccer bag and the rest of her things from her locker, then closes it before she runs to meet Rachel at her own locker.

"Rachel, Rachel Kim?!" she calls out as she approaches her friend.

Anna drops her soccer bag at her feet and leans up against the locker next to Rachel's. However, Rachel does not look up to greet Anna.

"I am in dire need of your help," she says dramatically as she places her hand on Rachel's shoulder.

Rachel shakes Anna's touch off and continues to gather her books. When she is done, she slams her locker shut and turns to face Anna. Rachel gives her an unimpressed once-over.

"You look like shit," Rachel says bluntly.

Anna frowns. "I had a bad night, cut me some slack."

Rachel shakes her head, realizing that she is being petty. "Sorry, what do you need."

"I need you to tape my ankle," Anna says with a hesitant smile.

Rachel's eyes instantly fly to Anna's feet. "Why, what did you do?" She doesn't notice anything wrong.

"Nothing." Anna waves her hand dismissively. "Andrew is coming to the game and he doesn't know I can't play," she explains.

"Anna you have to tell them," Rachel says seriously.

Anna groans. "Not until I'm officially kicked off."

Rachel glances at her, briefly frowning. "You need to stop lying to everyone."

"I know. I'm sorry. How many times do I have to apologize to you? I'm embarrassed about this," Anna says as she looks down at the floor.

"I could've helped you," Rachel reminds.

Anna looks up and catches Rachel's sympathetic gaze. "I know, I'm sorry. Again," Anna says genuinely.

"It's okay. We don't have a lot of time. You go buy tape and I'll youtube it," Rachel says, instantly pulling her phone from her pocket.

"I'll be right back," Anna says before throwing her bag over her shoulder.

* * *

Anna races down the front steps of the school. She can hear loud footsteps behind her but she's in a hurry so she does not take the time to see who it is.

Anna hears a familiar voice calling after her.

"Hey Anna, you busy?" Brandon asks as he tries to keep up.

"Kind of why?" she replies shortly without slowing her pace.

"I have a present for you," he says with a smile and a lot of hope for her to stop walking so fast.

Anna slows briefly. "I'm heading to CVS, do you have time for a walk?"

"This isn't walking," Brandon says.

Anna stops, resting her hands on her hips. "You coming or not?" Anna asks sharply as she ramps up her pace once again.

Brandon reluctantly agrees as he chases after her. "Sure. You seem more flustered than usual."

"Andrew is going to catch me," Anna says through laboured breaths.

Brandon glances at Anna to gauge her emotion but he's still confused. "I don't follow."

Anna closes her eyes and shakes her head. She doesn't have time for this. "Emily and Andrew don't know that I've been sidelined. He's coming to the game so I said I hurt my ankle. That's my excuse for why I can't play so now I'm running to the pharmacy to buy athletic tape and Rachel is watching videos to learn how to tape an ankle and I haven't slept because I'm certifiably insane and now I'm going to get caught," she rambles breathlessly.

Brandon wraps his arms around Anna so that she will stay still for a moment. "Okay. Take a breath."

She begrudgingly complies.

Brandon looks down at her in his arms and instantly lets go. He's never done that before.

"Sorry," he blurts out. He stares at her horrified but to his surprise, she has a blushing smile plastered on her face.

"It's okay," she says as she takes his hand and they continue walking, this time at Brandon's pace.

"Why don't you tell your parents the truth?" he asks seriously.

Anna sighs and rolls her eyes. "I'm already in too deep here so that's not really an option."

Brandon lets go of her hand to reach into his bag. "Here, open your present, it might help."

He pulls out a Costco size bottle and hands it to her.

"A giant bottle of ibuprofen?" she asks as she examines the bottle. She knows exactly what it is but she is shocked that he has given it to her.

Brandon rubs his hand across his neck. "Yeah, take a chill pill," he jokes.

"I see what you were trying to do there," Anna replies with a wink and a grin.

Brandon nods. "They'll keep you awake and focused."

Anna's smile fades. "Why are you doing this?" She didn't ask for more.

Brandon shrugs. "It's a refill. That should last you a while. By then you'll be back on the team full-time."

As much as she knows better, Anna can't help herself. The first bottle had done wonders for her grades. She needs to get back on her team before Andrew and Emily realize that she's on academic probation.

Anna bites her lip. "You are going to get me in so much trouble."

She then unscrews the lip and pours the contents into the hand. She stares at the pills for a moment before reluctantly tossing two pills into her mouth.

She opens her soccer bag and removes her water bottle to wash the pills down. She replaces her water bottle in her bag and digs to the bottom to hide the medicine bottle. Hopefully this will be the last time she will ever needs a refill.


	9. Chapter 9 - Therapy

Anna sits calmly on a tan leather couch. She stares at a glass of water that is resting on the coffee table in front of her, completely transfixed. Adjacent to her is an older woman; she's middle-aged with short greying hair. She is tall and big-boned however her presence is gentle and compassionate.

Dr. Lewinski, or Sandra as Anna has come to know her, has been seeing Anna for several years. She is one of many therapists that Anna has seen, or rather tried, but she has always had the most success with Sandra. She is not the most gentle therapist but she is compassionate and she asks the right questions. Anna responds well to her.

"So you were saying that you watched your mother…" Sandra continues softly as she watches her patient shift in her seat uncomfortably.

Anna's eyes snap up and away from the glass.

"_Emily_," Anna corrects in an annoyed tone and she knows that her therapist is testing her.

The therapist nods understandingly as she makes a short note for herself. "_Emily_ died and then you woke up?" she asks as she looks back up at Anna.

"Someone dragged me away from her while I was screaming for my mom and then I woke up," Anna says with a shrug.

"Were you screaming for your mom?" Sandra prods and Anna tilts her head to the side slightly as she recalls her nightmare once again.

"Yeah I think so," Anna says unconvincingly with a slow nod of her head. Her eyes wander around the room as she reflects.

Sandra interlaces her fingers and rests her clasped hands in her lap. "Was there any possibility that you may have been screaming for Emily?"

"No," Anna responds sharply, without hesitation.

"You were quick to dismiss that," Sandra remarks.

Anna narrows her eyes. "She's not my mom."

"I guess that depends on what you think the word "mom" means. I've noticed you refer to Emily as your mom occasionally, are you aware that you do that?" Sandra asks, then she glances down at her notepad and clicks her pen to start writing.

"She's _not _my mom," Anna reaffirms harshly with a clenched jaw. Her therapist knows better than to throw around the "m" word so casually.

"I'm sensing a lot of hostility toward you being here today. Is there any particular reason?" Sandra presses calmly in response to Anna's aggravated demeanor.

Anna leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees and sighs. "I have been seeing therapists for years and I don't feel any better."

Sandra offers a soft smile and a nod. "You have to be fully accepting of this process to see changes in yourself."

Anna shoots up from her seat on the couch. "Do you think I want to be like this? That I want to feel like this?" The words pour from Anna's mouth more harshly than she has intended as she begins to pace back and forth.

"No, but I think there is something holding you back from being completely open with me." Sandra calmly motions with a wave of her hand for Anna to sit down. She has become accustomed to Anna's sudden outbursts and defensiveness.

Begrudgingly, Anna complies. She takes a deep breath as she tries to settle herself again then she pulls a throw pillow into her arms and hugs it tightly against her chest. "I've told you everything that happened to me."

Sandra smiles sadly. "There is a difference between reciting history and telling a story, and that difference is emotion. When you told me about your abduction you shared your feelings. You told me that you were panicked and you feared for your life. When you talk about your mother, you lack expression."

"She wasn't perfect and she didn't make good decisions but I miss her and I love her."

Sandra sighs, knowing that what she is about to say might be difficult for Anna to hear. "You're sugarcoating the truth. You said that she made bad decisions then you followed it with "but," as if how much you miss her or love her somehow justifies everything that she put you through. Did you love her every time she disappeared for days on end? What about when she lied to you and when she didn't feed you or keep a roof over your head? Did you love her when she overdosed?"

Sandra watches as Anna's eyes begin to glaze over. She notices the way the young girl bites her lip as she tries to contain her emotions.

Anna wipes under her eyes and shakes the tears away in an effort to refocus herself.

"I was mad at her but I still loved her," Anna whispers through quivering lips.

Sandra offers an understanding look. "Anna, your mother may have loved you but she also loved whatever drugs she could get her hands on. Your childhood was a series of unfortunate events that were imposed on you by someone who did not love you the way that you deserved to be loved."

Anna feels tears stinging at the back of her eyes once again. She breathes deeply as she swallows her shaky reply. She ops for a slow nod of agreement instead of retaliation.

Sandra leans forward. "Her actions placed a tremendous burden on you. One that you did not ask for. Mothers are supposed to take care of their daughters, not the other way around," she says in a soothing tone but it does little to keep Anna's emotion at bay.

Anna refuses to acknowledge the tears that stream down her cheeks. She clutches the pillow tightly in an effort to shield herself.

"She did the best she could." Anna sniffles.

Sandra nods and smiles sadly. "That's all anyone can do but Anna, that does not make it fair or right."

Anna stays silent, refusing to meet her therapist's eyes. She stares at the glass of water once again as she tries to block out what Sandra is saying. Anna knows that Sandra is right but it does not make it easy for her to accept.

Sandra reaches for the glass. She picks it up and passes it to Anna to offer her a drink but Anna simply shakes her head and turns her gaze to the window beside her.

Sandra sighs, knowing that she cannot force Anna to listen to her. "I can see that you're trying to find a way to excuse your mother's actions. That's okay but I hope you know that you don't need to defend her when you are in this room. You're allowed to be mad at her."

"It seems pointless to hold grudges," Anna says softly. Her words are empty and meaningless but she doesn't know how to explain how she feels in any other way.

"So you're completely forgiving?" Sandra asks seriously.

Anna pauses. She wants to believe that she is but if she were, then she would not be here today.

"No," she says solemnly.

Sandra nods in agreement. "I think that some of this anger that you have projected onto Emily is meant for your mom. It's easy to take your feelings out on Emily because she's here and your mother is not."

Anna shrugs in response but she is still focused on the window.

"Have you tried to talk to her about feeling as though she's not giving you enough attention?" Sandra asks to shift the conversation, knowing that their time is limited and she needs to find something that will help Anna move forward.

Anna glances back at Sandra. "I've mentioned it before but she doesn't listen. I know that she's trying but other things end up being more important."

"Why are you less forgiving of Emily than you are of your mother?" Sandra asks another trying question.

Rather than avoiding the question, Anna pauses to consider. "Because Emily promised me that my life would be better with her but it's not better it's just a different kind of let down."

"Describe what Emily does that makes you feel let down," Sandra requests now that she sees they're back on track.

Anna shrugs, "She's never there when I need her and she doesn't keep her promises."

"Do you think that your mother was more present?" Sandra asks.

"I think that she tried harder… I just want to feel like Emily loves me. I want to feel like if I asked her to walk away from her job she would because I matter more than her career but I'm not sure that I do," Anna says sadly as she sinks into the couch.

Sandra nods as she takes note of what Anna has expressed. "Would you have asked your mother to give up drugs for you?"

"If I knew that she could then of course."

"Have you considered that Emily's job might not be something she can give up right now?"

"I guess I never looked at it that way," Anna says, glancing down at the floor. She's beginning to realize that she is thinking selfishly. She feels her chest tighten with guilt as she waits for Sandra's reply. For the first time, she's annoyed with herself for letting her emotions cloud her relationship with Emily.

Once again Sandra offers an understanding look. She can see that Anna is taking what she's said to heart.

"Our time is almost up but I'd like you to think about that until we meet again. I can't speak for Emily but I think that she cares about you a lot more than you realize. I know that you have now had two mothers but you are the only daughter that Emily has ever had, so that must count for something. Relationships with parents are complicated but holding onto the pain that your mother caused is going to hold you back from having a meaningful relationship with Emily," Sandra says in an effort to summarize the session.

"That's all I want," Anna agrees quietly but she's still lost in her own self-deprecating thoughts.

"If you're willing, I would like to see you next week," Sandra tells Anna as she pulls out her schedule and pencils Anna into the same time slot the following week. Then she flips back to her notes from the session.

Anna nods and picks her school bag up off the floor next to her feet as she begins to get up.

"One more thing before you go," Sandra says without looking up from notes.

Anna reclaims her spot on the couch.

"I want you to do one thing per day that will help you form a better relationship with Emily. I'm not asking for anything extreme, just little things like tell her about your day or help her make dinner. Spend time with her," Sandra says as she looks up from her notes.

Anna laughs dryly at the request. "That's not as easy as you think," Anna laments.

"I have faith that you can find a way," Sandra says firmly as she smiles.

* * *

Andrew is sitting in his car in the parking lot checking emails on his phone while he waits for Anna to finish her appointment. He forcefully clicks the document he's trying to open with his thumb but his phone's screen is frozen. He's already anxious and this is only adding to his irritation.

He has reason to feel this way. He's worried about Anna.

She had said very little to him after her soccer game the previous night. She had barely touched her dinner and she stayed in her room for the rest of the evening. He knows that she did not get a lot of sleep once again as he too struggled to rest. He heard her in the kitchen at 3 am.

This morning she was gone before he woke up. When he had called her frantically to make sure she was okay, she sent him to voicemail. He was ready to call in reinforcements to help find her when she finally sent him a text to let him know she was at school. It helped settle some of his nerves but it did not provide him with the reassurance that she was truly okay.

Now he has to wait and hope that this session will provide her with some peace of mind.

A few moments later Andrew spots Anna making her way to his car. He can see the puffiness of her eyes as she approaches. Her cheeks are still glistening; she hadn't bothered to hide the evidence.

She opens the door and climbs in without saying a word.

She is still visibly upset and Andrew knows better than to ask about the session but the tension between them is trying for him.

"Your ankle seems okay today," Andrew says as he pulls out of the parking lot.

"It's taped up good," Anna says with a nod while keeping her eyes forward.

Andrew glances at Anna. "It would be nice to see you on the field sometimes," he says with a doting smile.

"Maybe next game." Anna shrugs off Andrew's affectionate gaze as they draw into silence.

"I'm making pork chops for dinner," he announces without prompting, causing Anna to groan.

She sinks further into her seat. "Not again…"

"What do you mean _not again_?" he asks.

"That's all we eat," Anna whines with a scowl plastered across her tired face.

Andrew chuckles at Anna's expression.

"We eat pork chops with apple sauce and barbecue sauce and if we have leftovers you throw it in pasta and call it a new dish but it's not," Anna snarls, counting the ways on her fingers as she lists them. She then pulls the hood of her coat over her face and huffs.

She has never been good at hiding her emotions, much less when she is tired or already upset. In this case, both factors are playing a part.

"Sorry. I didn't realize you felt so strongly about pork chops," Andrew says dismissively. He does his best to hide his grin. Regardless of how she is feeling, there is no reason to take her emotions out on pork chops.

"They're full of fat and taste like cardboard. Can't we just have chicken every night like normal people?" she huffs then she crosses her arms and forcefully leans back in her seat with her hood still hiding her eyes.

Andrew looks between Anna and the road before letting go of the laugh he's been holding back. He shouldn't laugh but it's hard when Anna is being so melodramatic.

"That can be arranged, although you need all the fat you can get," he says.

Anna's face emerges once again from the side of the hood. "What do you mean?" she asks as she pulls the end of her skirt down so it covers more of her legs.

Andrew does not miss this.

"Anna you're fading away here," he tells her as he reached across the center console to grasp Anna's boney knee. He squeezes it slightly making her flinch.

"I didn't think it was possible for you to get any skinnier but I think you have," he points out before letting go.

Anna gives a very teenage eye-roll in response. "I play soccer every day. I'm not just going to magically start putting on weight," she defends.

"Hold on there, I'm just concerned. You don't need to be so snippy."

Anna rubs her eyes. Her irritation is boiling over. "I'm not snippy," she yells but she catches herself and lowers her voice before continuing. "I just don't see the problem."

Andrew sees no point in arguing with Anna right now so he leaves her be.

"What are the plans for tonight?" she asks once the tension dies down.

Andrew shakes his head. "No plans. I'm not feeling great."

"Okay good. Because I have a lot of homework," she throws in, "Not because you're sick."

"I'm not sick. I just have a pretty bad headache because I'm tired," he yawns before giving Anna a sympathetic smile.

"Join the club," Anna mumbles. She lets her head fall back and her eyes close.

* * *

Andrew unlocks the door to the apartment and holds it open for Anna. She kicks off her shoes and drops her bag by the door and without saying another word she disappears down the hall.

She needs to be alone right now and Andrew respects that so he heads to the kitchen to start dinner. He pulls a pan from below the oven and places it on the stove then he looks through the refrigerator for something to make.

As he rummages through the well-stocked shelves a container of leftovers falls to the floor. He bends over to pick it up and instantly regrets it.

The headache he has been dealing with all day is back with vengeance.

He rubs his temples slowly, trying to ease his searing headache but it is no use. After finally replacing the container back on the shelf he closes the door and heads to the bathroom for pain medication.

He opens the medicine cabinet and is happy to see a bottle of Tylenol sitting on the lowest shelf. He takes it into his hand and shakes it only to realize that it is empty. He tosses it into the garbage as he curses the women he lives with for not restocking when they had run out.

He closes the cabinet and heads back to the kitchen, trying to remember where else he has seen pain relievers. It dawns on him then that Anna has some in her bookbag.

He finds her bookbag where she left it by the door and opens the front pocket. He then pulls the bottle out, opens the lid and empties the few remaining pills into his palm.

He looks at them and pauses.

The tiny, orange and white pills are not the Advil he was expecting.


	10. Chapter 10 - When You Return

Anna stands at the window in her bedroom. Both of her hands are grasping the windowsill as she watches strangers pass by the apartment. From above, she sees couples walking hand in hand, teenagers with their friends, businessmen on cell phones in a hurry for meetings, and cars zooming by. Nothing stands out to her.

There is nothing unusual about today and yet everything feels different.

A woman comes into view on the sidewalk and she catches Anna's attention. The woman stops and turns to look behind her as she reaches her hand out as if asking for someone to take it. A moment later she is joined by a young girl. The girl looks to be only a few years younger than Anna and has similar features to the older woman.

The child smiles widely as she takes—what Anna can only assume is— her mother's hand and they continue on their way. They chat as they walk by, both laughing hand in hand and Anna wonders why they look so happy, how they got so lucky to have each other.

No one ever reached their hand out for Anna to take.

Anna halts her thoughts. That isn't true.

Someone did. Emily did but Anna was too selfish to realize what she had been given.

The full weight of the shame Anna is feeling is now resting on her shoulders and she cannot bear it. All she can do is blame herself. She should have been more accepting; more grateful that she was given a second chance at being loved. She imagines what her life could have been if only she had let Emily be her mother instead of pushing her away.

They could have been happy just like this woman and her daughter.

Anna's mind is consumed by hurt filled memories of shutting Emily out. All at once she recalls every argument she started, every time she picked hanging out with friends over being there when Emily came home and every time she scrutinized Emily's decisions. She was feeling let down but how did this make Emily feel?

That was the problem. Anna never considered how Emily felt. While Anna pulled away from her new mom, Emily was doing everything she could to hold on.

Anna can't conceptualize Emily's behavior. She doesn't understand why Emily continues to show her love when all she does is push her away. She spent the past three years denying herself love but she also denied Emily the chance of having a daughter. For that, she does not feel that she can ever be forgiven.

"I'm sorry," Anna whispers to herself but it is really meant for Emily. She blinks hard and the tears that had been welling in her eyes begin to stream down her cheeks. Anna wipes the tears as she turns away from the window and slumps down on her bed.

She would give anything for a third chance at getting this right. She knows that no amount of guilt can turn back time but she hopes it's not too late to fix their relationship. She needs to do this for both of them.

Anna's phone—which is lying face down next to her on the bed—buzzes. She turns it over to see a new text message has come in from Emily. She unlocks her phone to read it.

Emily: _On my way home. See you in the morning. I love you. _

This is one of many texts that Anna has received over the past few days. Like the rest, she will not reply but now for a different reason. She ignores this one, not because she is angry but because a short _I love you_ text seems too small. Emily deserves more and Anna needs time to figure out what she can do.

While tossing her phone back on the bed, she gets up. If she finishes her homework before Emily gets home then they can spend time together tonight. Yes, Emily will be mad that Anna waited up for her but she will understand.

Anna wipes her eyes one last time before looking in the mirror and sighing. She looks like hell but she feels it's deserving.

She reaches into her soccer bag and pulls out the new container of medication that Brandon had given her. She takes two and washes them down with a swig of old Gatorade then she heads out of her room. She walks down the hall to retrieve her bookbag so she can start her homework. She rounds the corner to see Andrew sitting at the table, hunched over.

He's staring at his hand with a perplexed and somewhat sad look on his face. Anna averts her eyes and makes a b-line for the front door. Any other day she would ask what's wrong but she doesn't have time.

"Anna," he calls.

Anna picks up her backpack and throws it over her shoulder. "Yes?" she replies cautiously as she pokes her head around the corner.

"Can you come here for a moment?" he asks.

"I'm kind of busy," she says as she starts back towards her bedroom.

"Anna, this is more important," he says. His voice is distant and alarming.

Anna pauses. Assuming that he wants to talk about her session, she replies, "please not right now."

Andrew stands up and calmly walks over to Anna. She notices that he's struggling to meet her eyes as he approaches her.

"What is this?" he asks softly. He opens his closed palm to reveal several white and orange tablets.

Anna fakes a puzzled look but does not reply.

"Anna," he presses sternly. He stares into her eyes with a pleading look. He hates this just as much as she does.

"Ibuprofen," she says finally and she turns to walk away.

Andrew follows her. "I know that this is not Ibuprofen," he says. He did some research and easily found that the pills were in fact Adderall.

Anna throws her bag on her bed and unzips the main pocket. "That's what the bottle says," she replies nonchalantly.

"I want you to be honest with me here. I can't help you if you don't tell me the truth," he tries to leverage. He stands in her doorway and watches her pull books from her bag.

She turns around abruptly. "I'm not lying."

"Fine. We can talk about this again when Emily gets home... Maybe you'd rather take this up with her," he says and he turns to leave when he hears Anna murmurs something he can't quite make out.

He cranes his neck. "What?"

"I said, I'm not taking them," she lies again. She is taking them and they are currently coursing through her veins but she cannot let him know. She doesn't want the first conversation she has with Emily to be about another thing that she has done wrong.

"Do you know what these do to you? How they can hurt you?" Andrew says, his voice seeping with concern.

Anna rolls her eyes. "Nothing has happened to me. I'm fine," she replies harshly.

"You don't sleep, you're hardly eating. No wonder you've lost weight," he counters.

Anna huffs in frustration. He doesn't understand. "I don't have time. How am I supposed to keep up? How is anyone expected to get their assignments done and get good grades and play sports and be a good daughter without a little help," she rambles before falling back to sit on her bed. She hunches over and covers her face with her palms as she starts to cry.

Andrew takes a seat next to her and he places a hand on her back. "That's not an excuse. I'm so disappointed in you right now but I'm hurt that you chose drugs over talking to us," he says sadly as her crying gets louder.

"I'm sorry," she says softly once her crying has subsided. Emotionally, she is completely drained. She wonders how she managed to cry again.

"I want to say that it's okay but this is not okay. You're stopping this now. I'm getting rid of these and you won't get any more," he says sternly.

Anna looks up at him incredulously. "That's it? You're not going to tell Emily?"

Andrew stands up. "Of course I'm going to tell her. Promise me you won't do this again," he pleads.

"I won't but, please let me tell her. I have a lot that I need to say to her and I think that this should come from me," Anna says. She needs to buy herself some time. She needs to fix everything before it all falls apart again.

"Okay, but if I find out you didn't tell her there are going to be some serious consequences," he agrees.

"Andrew wait," she calls after him and he turns back. "I'm sorry," she apologizes again knowing that this will not be the last time that she disappoints him.

* * *

Anna is sitting at the counter in the dim kitchen light. Andrew has long ago gone to bed so she is alone and stewing in her thoughts. She has completed two assignments and now she is trying to finish her paper, the same one she had been working on the night she had her nightmare.

Her essay topic had changed slightly but she is certain of what her story needs to be.

Regretfully, she has taken two more pills since she promised to stop. Her heart is racing and her head is pounding but she keeps typing. Her paper is due in the morning and she wants to finish before Emily is home.

She takes a sip of water then rubs her tired eyes. She still has a lot to do.

She hears keys rattling in the lock and jumps from the stool. She rushes to the door and before Emily can fully make her way in, Anna throws her arms around her. Anna nearly knocks the wind from Emily's chest. Emily drops her bag at their feet and kicks the door closed.

She stands still and stunned for a moment before she wraps her arms around Anna in response.

"What are you doing up? It's 3 am," Emily says as she squeezes tightly. She's so happy to see Anna that she can't be mad.

"I missed you so much," Anna whispers as she tries to hold back tears. After all the anticipation of this moment, she wasn't prepared for how it would feel.

"I missed you too," Emily says as she places a kiss on Anna's forehead.

"Thank you," Anna says and the flood gates are released.

This catches Emily off guard. A puzzled look crosses her face. "For what?"

"For adopting me. For being my mom. Just for everything that you do for me," Anna says as she looks up at Emily with tear-filled eyes. She then nuzzles back against Emily's chest.

Emily feels tears stinging her eyes but she quickly blinks them away. She tightens her arms around Anna and she rests her cheek on the crown of her daughter's head. "Anna where is this coming from?" she asks quietly.

"I've been so mean to you and I'm sorry," she mumbles into Emily's chest.

"Oh Annie," she whispers, "you don't need to apologize. It's okay," Emily says as she rubs soft circles on Anna's back.

Anna sniffles as she clings to Emily. "No, it's not. You're amazing and I don't deserve you."

"That's not true." Emily pulls away from Anna, holding her out in front of her as she cries. Emily tries to meet Anna's eyes but she lowers her gaze, she's completely guilt-ridden.

Emily reaches up and with her thumb, she wipes Anna's tears dry. Emily lets go of Anna with one hand—the other hand gripping Anna's—and slips her coat off that arm then she changes hands with Anna and removes her coat fully. She hangs it on a hook and kicks her bag so that it's not in the middle of the entryway. She then slips off her shoes.

She smiles sadly before taking Anna under her arm and leading her into the living room. "Let's sit down, we need to talk."

Anna complies and the pair settle onto the couch, still intertwined in each other's arms. Emily stares into Anna's eyes. They're bloodshot and her under eyes are black. They look bruised and her skin is paler than usual.

"You look so tired. Are you sleeping?" Emily asks softly. She winces internally, knowing that Anna obviously has not been.

Anna slowly shakes her head as her cries worsen.

Emily sighs and pulls Anna back into her chest. "Shh, It's okay," she coos and she runs a soothing hand along Anna's hair.

Anna's head is pressed against Emily's chest, she can feel her racing heart. "I'm sorry," she whispers, knowing that her actions are only making Emily worry more.

Once again, Emily tells her, "there is no need to apologize."

Still, this does not help settle Anna's remorse.

Anna starts to hyperventilate and Emily's hold tightens as she tells Anna to breathe. Slowly she calms and her eyes shut as she snuggles in further.

Emily looks around the living room and kitchen and notices that Anna's laptop is sitting on the island along with a pile of textbooks and papers.

"What were you working on?" Emily asks.

Anna lifts her head and lets her gaze fall on her pile of homework. She sighs, "English paper, it's due tomorrow."

"I thought your paper was due on Friday," Emily says, looking down at Anna.

Anna's face scrunches, genuinely confused. "Yeah…" she trails off in a wavering tone.

"Anna, what day is it?" Emily asks more firmly than before.

Anna shrugs. "Friday?" she answers with a frown. She doesn't understand what Emily is so concerned about.

Emily purses her lips. "No, it's only Thursday."

Anna's lost track of time, her mind is playing tricks on her. She knows that Emily would not lie to her but this feels like it can't be true. She shakes her head in protest as she tries to rationalize what is going on. She thinks back to the previous day, trying to think of the events of the week.

Her nightmare happened on Monday. The next day she had soccer and she saw Brandon. Yesterday she went to therapy and Andrew found her old bottle of Adderall. Now it is 3:30 am on Thursday. How did she make this mistake?

"Talk to me, what are you thinking about?" Emily asks in a worried tone when she realizes that Anna is lost in thought.

Anna snaps back to reality. She tilts her head, ashamed that she was confused.

"I thought it was Friday," she says solemnly and she bows her head. She's dizzy, partly from exhaustion and partly from the amount of Adderall she had taken this evening.

"Hun, you need to sleep. You can't function like this."

"I know," Anna agrees sadly.

"Have you slept at all since Monday night?" Emily presses fearfully.

Anna shakes her head. "Not really."

Emily closes her eyes and runs her hand over her face as she lets out a sad sigh. "Is this why you pretended that you hurt your ankle? Were you too tired to play?" Emily asked, referring to Anna's sudden and questionable injury.

"How did you know?" Anna asks incredibly. She shouldn't be so surprised, Emily is not above profiling her daughter.

"That you were faking?" Emily lets out a breathy laugh and adds on, "because you're a bad liar." Emily nudges Anna playfully, trying to lighten the mood, but Anna does not find this funny.

If only Emily knew.

"I'm so tired but I can't sleep," Anna whines desperately.

Emily nods understandingly. She knows what it's like to be afraid of your own imagination. "Your mind is deceiving you and that must be terrifying but this will never get better if you don't try to rest," Emily tells Anna.

"I'm scared," she admits.

"I know but it's going to be okay. You're not alone." Emily exhales loudly and shakes her head. She runs a comforting hand over Anna's back.

"Let's get you to bed," Emily says then she takes Anna's hand and gently pulls her onto her feet.

Anna teeters in place, the full extent of her exhaustion has finally caught up with her. Her body is protesting and Emily can see this so she wraps an arm around Anna's waist to help hold her up. The teen takes a few aided steps forward and starts to crumble as her legs give out.

"I've got you," Emily says softly as she catches her daughter's arm. She turns Anna's unresisting body sideways, places one arm around Anna's back and the other arm under her knees, then lifts her up. Emily smiles when Anna wraps her arms around her neck and lets her head rest against Emily's chest. Her smile slowly fades when she realizes how thin Anna feels. She can feel each of Anna's ribs through her shirt.

How had this happened so fast? She blames herself for letting Anna's health deteriorate so quickly.

Emily carries her daughter down the dark hallway, careful not to make any noise and risk waking Andrew. Thankfully Anna's bedroom door is open so Emily can easily get to Anna's bed without having to put her down. She enters the bedroom and gently places Anna on the bed.

Emily walks over to Anna's dresser and bends down to pull out a pair of pajamas. She turns around and rushes back to Anna's side when she sees that she has tried to stand up. She's wobbling in place as she pulls at her covers. She sits down abruptly and Emily hands her the pajamas.

While Anna is changing, Emily pulls back the covers. She then helps her climb into bed and tucks her in. Her eyes are already closed and Emily smiles fondly before leaning in to kiss Anna's forehead. As Emily pulls away again, Anna reaches out and grasps the bottom of Emily's shirt as she tries to leave.

Emily pulls at her shirt but it's no use. A small sound escapes the back of her throat when she realizes what Anna is asking for.

She wants Emily to stay.

Unprotesting, Emily lies down on her side and stretches out as she nudges Anna over. Now that Anna is confident that Emily will not leave she releases the shirt and rolls over to face her mother.

Emily runs her fingers through Anna's hair as she watches her slowly falling asleep. Anna's eyes flutter open momentarily and she smiles.

"I love you Mom," she whispers then she curls into Emily. She rests her head on Emily's shoulder.

Emily's breath hitches. Anna doesn't use the "m" word often, much less to Emily's face.

Emily moves onto her back so that she can accommodate Anna's silent request for comfort. She then wraps her other arm around Anna and rests her head on Anna's head.

"I love you too," Emily whispers back with tears in her eyes.

Neither of them would get much sleep but it felt nice to be in each other's arms after being apart for so long.


	11. Chapter 11 - Trip Slip Fall

Emily had spent most of the night stroking Anna's hair and staring at the ceiling riddled with worry. _Perhaps Anna has the flu_, Emily thought at one point before kissing her forehead to check for a temperature but it felt fine. This should have been resuring but it only made Emily worried that this might be more serious than the flu.

Emily had longed for the moment when Anna would finally accept her and she always expected to be overjoyed. Instead, she found her heart was silently breaking. With Anna curled into her side and her head resting on her shoulder, Emily couldn't help but feel apprehensive towards Anna's sudden change of heart. Every time Anna moved—which was often because she's a restless sleeper—Emily held her breath, silently begging for her to settle and hoping another nightmare wouldn't break out. Luckily none had but every movement made Emily's skin crawl as she waited for screams that never came.

She's pulled from her thoughts when Anna finally rolls over and lets go of her. Emily takes her opportunity to leave; she pushes herself into a sitting position cautiously, listening to Anna's steady breathing for any signs of disturbance as she lets her gaze drift around the dimly lit room. The sun is slowly starting to rise above the neighbouring apartment building and peaking through the edges of the drawn blinds.

Emily's eyelids are heavy and her vision slightly blurred but she is accustomed to this sleep-deprived state as she makes her exit. She gingerly swings her legs off the bed and tiptoes to the door. She carefully closes the door behind her before heading to the kitchen.

Now in the hallway, she can hear the faint sound of a running shower in the ensuite off her bedroom. _Andrew, _she thinks as she smiles softly to herself. She cannot wait to see him.

* * *

Andrew emerges from the bedroom, nearly dressed and ready to start his day. He adjusts his tie with one hand, the other hand holding the collar of his suit jacket as he heads for the kitchen.

He smiles fondly when he sees his girlfriend rummaging through the fridge. She is still dressed in her work clothing making him wonder if she is only just getting home. He notices her bag and shoes have been left in the middle of the entryway; it is unlike her not to put her things away.

He enters the kitchen and hangs his folded blazer over the back of a stool. He is quiet and she doesn't see him so rather than announcing himself, he creeps up behind her. He swiftly wraps both arms around Emily's waist and leans down to place a soft kiss on her neck.

Emily tenses at his unexpected embrace but slowly melts into his touch. She turns to face him, still wrapped in his arms. She kisses his lips then says in a hushed and longing tone, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Andrew replies with a smile. He lets his forehead rest against hers as they stare into each other's eyes, neither of them wanting to let go. Andrew can see the exhaustion exuding from her face but thinks nothing of it. She's had a grueling week.

"Coffee?" Emily asks and when Andrew nods, Emily wiggles free to fetch two mugs.

She fills their mugs and wanders to the dinner table with Andrew close behind. She places the mugs on the table and takes a seat, while doing so she also hands Andrew the paper. He unfolds it and removes the first few pages that contain politics and current events. He then hands the rest of the bundle to Emily who immediately flips it over so she can start the crossword. This is how they started most mornings when she's around, it had become routine.

After a few minutes of reading, Andrew glances at the clock. He notices that it's getting late and he has not seen Anna yet this morning. He lowers the paper and looks across the table.

"What, no Anna?" he asks.

Emily shakes her head nonchalantly without looking up. She doesn't seem concerned that Anna is still in bed.

"She was up really late," she explains as she attempts to fill in the puzzle. She doesn't have the mental capacity to do so but she wants him to think that she's trying.

When Emily does not get up to go wake Anna, Andrew shoots her a puzzled look.

"Should I go wake her? She's going to be late," he says as he rises from the table.

Emily places her hand on his forearm, silently telling him not to go. "Let her sleep. She needs a break," Emily says sadly. She glances towards Anna's room and sighs.

Andrew takes his seat. "She's had a rough week," he says in agreement.

Emily runs her hand through her hair and lets out a worried breath. This does not go unnoticed by Andrew. He reaches across the table and takes her hand in his supportively.

Emily feels culpable for Anna's current state and Andrew is sympathetic.

"We talked for a while last night, or this morning I guess. I need to talk to her about last night because she's really worrying me," Emily says, clearly distraught and Andrew squeezes her hand as he nods along knowingly.

He wants to ask what they had talked about in hopes that Anna had been completely forthcoming with her mother but he knows not to. Emily would never tell him what Anna has said in confidence. He resents this, how she treats her relationship with Anna as something they don't share, but he tries to be understanding. Emily will tell him when she's ready.

"Is that why you didn't come to bed last night?" he asks instead.

Emily purses her lips then bows her head. "I'm sorry, we were up pretty late chatting and she was having a hard time getting to sleep."

"It's okay. I was just worried when I woke up and you weren't there," he laments.

Emily gives him an apologetic look but she is already forgiven.

"Are you taking the day off?" he asks when he realizes that she is not getting ready for work. By now she would usually be long gone.

Emily shrugs and lets go of his hand. "I have to run in for a couple of hours but I can take Anna with me. I'm sure everyone would be happy to see her."

"Especially Penelope," Andrew says as he gets up from the table to put his mug in the dishwasher. He picks up his blazer, puts it on, and pulls at the ends to straighten it out.

Emily chuckles at his comment as she follows him with her mug in hand. It feels good to laugh.

"Oh, do you mean the founder of Anna's fan club?" she jokes.

"That very one," he replies with an equally amused look.

She leans over the counter as she watches him gather his things. "She's been begging to see Anna and it has been a while," she says before taking another sip of coffee.

He steps closer and kisses her cheek. "I've gotta go but call me if you need anything or just want to talk," he says knowingly.

She nods and before he can pull away Emily yanks on his tie, drawing him back in for another kiss. This time on the lips.

"You know I will," she whispers as they let go.

* * *

After Andrew had left, Emily changed and showered. She is now quietly cleaning the apartment to kill time while she waits for Anna to wake up. She needs to occupy herself to keep her mind from spiraling. She has wiped down the kitchen counters, did the dishes that were in the sink and now she is emptying her go bag and sorting loads of laundry on her bed. She has wireless earbuds in her ears, the music is helping take her mind off her worries.

She takes the first pile of clothes into her arms and heads down the hallway, humming along to the song that is playing. She opens the closet where the washing machine is hidden and she stuffs the clothing into a front-loading washer. She adds a lid full of laundry detergent and fabric conditioner then closes the door.

As she heads back down the hallway she opens Anna's door and peeks in. She finds Anna wide awake and sitting on the edge of her bed. She still seems lethargic, she's zoned out and staring at her skirt that is crimple on the floor where she left it last night. Emily wonders how long Anna has been like this.

Emily removes her earbuds. "Did you get any sleep?" Emily asks when Anna finally looks up to acknowledge Emily's presence. Her eyes are glassy and distant, like she's looking through Emily.

Anna bites her lip and shugs. "Some, did you?"

Emily leans up against the door frame and yawns. "Not much. Someone kept kicking me."

Anna blushes. "I wonder who that was?" she says innocently with a grin and a breathy laugh as she starts to become more lively and alert.

Emily smiles, hearing her laugh. It's one of her favorite sounds.

Anna becomes quiet again. She gets up slowly and Emily watches nervously, ready to step in if Anna needs her help.

Anna takes a few steps, they're slow but stronger than last night. She pulls a sweater out of her closet and puts it on.

"What time is it?" she asks. She hasn't checked the clock but she suspects that it's still early if Emily is not making her get dressed yet.

"Almost 9… don't worry I called the school. You're mine today," she says. She tries to maintain her smile because spending time with Anna is something she has not been able to do for a while but she wishes the circumstances were different.

Anna raises her brow as she approaches Emily. "Thank you."

"I'm worried about you." Emily's voice softens.

Anna shifts uncomfortably; she hates that she is scaring Emily.

"I know and I'm sorry," she replies quietly as she bows her head, not wanting to meet Emily's eyes.

Emily lifts Anna's chin forcing their eyes to meet. "I think we need to talk some more. Not right this second but today," she says, gently but firmly.

Anna nods understandingly. Every fiber in her being is telling her to pull away, to close herself off like usual but she ignores it. Instead she pulls Emily into a tight hug. It's the simplest of gestures but speaks volumes of how hard she is trying to mend their relationship.

"I love you," Anna says before letting go. She steps back and gives Emily a sheepish smile.

Emily cups Anna's cheek in her hand.

"Words can't describe how much I love you," she replies with a shaking voice. She laughs nervously at herself when she notices that her eyes are watering. She quickly blinks them away and pulls Anna back in for another tight hug.

"Okay," Emily says after a moment, when she's sure her voice won't give out on her. "That's enough crying." She grins, placing her hands on Anna's shoulders.

"Are you hungry? I'm too tired to make anything but we can go out for breakfast and then head to the BAU for a bit..." Emily says as she lets the last part trail off.

Anna rolls her eyes at the mention of the BAU. It's not the people, the place, or what the job stands for that upset her. It's what the BAU had taken from her. She doesn't want to aim her anger at Emily anymore so she chooses the only other option, her job.

"Too tired to cook but not too tired to deal with serial killers?" Anna groans but she's quick to apologize. She doesn't want to fight about this. "I'm sorry."

Emily bites her bottom lip and nods understandingly. "I have a lot of paperwork that I didn't finish last night. You can sleep on my couch or..."

"I'll find Garcia when we get there," Anna says knowingly.

"Why don't you take a shower and then we can head out," Emily says with a pat to Anna's arm.

Anna nods in agreement as Emily heads for the door to let her get ready for the day. Anna emerges from her room twenty minutes later dressed in black legging, a white t-shirt and a beige teddy zip up. Her hair is a damp, curly mess but Anna doesn't care about how she looks. Unlike Emily, Anna has never been terribly concerned with her appearance.

Breakfast was more of the same. They walked to a cafe down the block from the apartment. Emily ordered her third coffee of the day and a greek omelet and Anna got waffles that she barely touched. Emily tried to get Anna talking but focused on lighter topics like Rachel and school. The conversation never went deeper but Anna was more pleasant and willing than usual. Anna told stories about the kids at her school. The first was about a senior named Heath who got stuck in a locker after his friend bet him $50 that he wouldn't fit. His friend was right. The second was more scandalous about a girl named Sophie who was in her junior year. Sophie suddenly stopped showing up to school and rumor has it that she got pregnant and was set to live with her grandparents. Emily stayed quiet after that story until eventually, they headed home.

"Why don't you grab your homework, you can do it at the office," Emily says as she closes the apartment door behind them.

"Okay." Anna kicks off her shoes and heads off to her room.

Emily sighs as Anna passes her. Anna's hair is a tangled mess now that it's dry. Without any product or a blow dryer and diffuser, Anna's hair air-dries into a rats nest of sorts.

"Please brush your hair or put it up," Emily calls after her as she disappears around the corner.

Anna shuts her door behind herself and takes a seat on the bed. Exhaustion is wearing on her again and she feels herself sinking into the bed. She wants to climb back under the covers and she knows that if she did, Emily would let her sleep but she's afraid to be left alone while she sleeps.

She takes a pile of books off of her desk and as she's heading back across the room her foot gets caught in the strap of her soccer bag but she doesn't notice. With another step, she trips and falls to her knees. Her book flies across the room, slamming down on the hardwood and the content of her bag pours out on the floor. Her jerseys, cleats, water bottles, and the container of Adderall are now sprawled across the floor. She pauses for a second as she curses the bag, then she unhooks her foot and inspects her knees. Her leggings are ripped and her knees will be bruised but they will be fine. She looks around the room and sees the bottle of Adderall that had been in her bag has emptied onto the floor and her heart stops.

She can hear Emily approaching her room and calling out to make sure she's okay.

She yells, "I'm fine," as she frantically tries to funnel the pills back into the container with her hands.

She hears the door handle rattle, she's out of time. In a last-ditch effort to hide the pills, she throws her jerseys over the pile and tosses the container under her bed. Anxiety fills her body, she's nearly shaking as the door swings open.

Emily rushes over to Anna who is still on the floor. "What happened?"

"I tripped," Anna says, trying to seem as casual as possible.

"You need to be more careful," Emily says as she offers a hand to help Anna to her feet. Anna stands quickly and is instantly dizzy. She teeters in place as Emily wraps a supportive arm around her. Emily can feel the tension in Anna's body as she holds tightly, hoping that she won't collapse as she did the night before.

Once Anna is steady she lets go but Emily's gaze is still filled with worry. Anna has hardly eaten or slept and Emily wonders if she has fainted.

"I'm fine, really," she assures with a smile.

Emily is still unconvinced.

Emily helps Anna gather her books while Anna keeps herself firmly between Emily and her pile of jerseys.

"Do you mind putting these in my bookbag?" Anna asks as she hands Emily the books. "I'm going to clean this up and change into jeans."

Emily nods dubiously, Anna is acting unusual—almost suspicious—but she cannot understand why. She narrows her eyes at Anna causing Anna to frown.

"I'll be quick, I promise," Anna assures.

Emily hesitates but she has no idea what Anna could be hiding so she complies. "Okay, we need to get going," Emily says as she heads toward the kitchen.

Anna rushes to shut the door. She pauses, leaned up against it, and allows herself to release a sigh of relief. She has dodged the bullet once again.

She reaches under her bed and pulls out the container and quietly fills it. She gathers the pills in her hand and lets them roll across her palm as they fall into the bottle. Then another handful and another until the floor is no longer littered with the tiny capsules.

She stops, tightly gripping the last few pills in her hand. She stares longingly at them in her palm. She's tired and she knows that they will help, even if it is only a short term fix.

She leaves two pills in her hand and allows the rest to fall into the container then she closes the lid. She piles her jerseys, cleats, shin pads, and water bottles back into her bag and zips it shut. Then she takes the Adderall bottle and her bag to her closet.

She takes another look at the pills in her hand and without thinking tosses them into her mouth and swallows hard. Without water, she can feel them sliding down her throat.

Emily calls for her to hurry up so she swiftly changes into a pair of baggy ripped jeans and runs to the door.


	12. Chapter 12 - The Office

Around 1 pm they arrived at the BAU. With a ding, the elevator doors opened and the pair stepped off. Emily goes first with her purse in tow then Anna with her backpack hanging on one shoulder. She fidgets with the visitor's pass that is clipped to the collar of her sweater, not paying attention to her surroundings as they head towards the glass doors that lead into the bullpen.

JJ appears to their right with a pile of files in her arms as they approach the doors. She calls out to Emily and shifts the files to one arm to give Anna a small wave.

Anna smiles and waves back. They stand in the hallway chatting, mostly talking about why Anna is at the office instead of in school. Anna follows the conversation and nods along but she stays quiet. She fidgets uncomfortably when JJ asks her questions directly and gives only short answers. She doesn't mean to be rude but she can't help being shy.

She knows the team well but she doesn't see them often. Each time they interact it takes her several minutes to warm up to them again. She tends to stick close to Emily on these odd occasions where she's brought to work by staying hidden in her office. The only exception is to visit Garcia. She has always treated Anna like a friend more than the daughter of a friend. She has never been patronizing like the rest of the team; it's not their fault that they still see her as a victim. Garcia did not know her back then. They started with a clean slate and for that reason, Anna has never struggled to connect with the technical analyst and will often camp out in Garcia's office until it is time to go.

They head through the glass doors, falling into step with each other. Emily and JJ are still talking but Anna is focused on the chaos surrounding her. The frantic sound of typing and agents moving about the bullpen is more unsettling to Anna than usual. She notices agents looking at them, some she knows and some she does not.

Tara who is standing by the kitchenette refilling a reusable water bottle. She sees Anna and sends her a warm smile but Anna's wide eyes are too busy darting around the room to notice. She is desperately searching for something familiar that she can focus on until her eyes suddenly meet Tara's. Anna looks away quickly as Tara approaches her and instantly she feels the urge to leave. Anna tucks herself in behind Emily and JJ but it's not enough to settle her nerves.

"I'm going to go see Penelope," she blurts suddenly as they reach Luke's desk.

Emily turns to her. She had not been paying attention but now she can see that Anna is overwhelmed. She rests her hand on Anna's arm as she speaks.

"Do you want me to walk with you?" she asks.

Anna shakes her head no. Her eyes widen as an agent briskly walks behind her. She takes a step forward to get out of the way, stumbling slightly. The BAU is a hectic place and she always forgets how it makes her feel until she's there.

Emily gives her a reassuring smile, trying to soothe her anxiety. "I'll try to be quick. Be good and if she tries to take you anywhere _please_ tell me first this time," Emily says, slightly pleading. Garcia has a tendency to act on a whim and forget to inform others when she's excited. Last time it was only a trip to the cafeteria but the time before Garcia took Anna to the mall. This resulted in 45 minutes of searching the building and several panicked phone calls to Garcia and Anna's phones.

"I love you," Emily says, brushing a rogue bundle of curls behind Anna's ear and she blushes in response.

Tara, who is now only a few feet from the group, watches Anna curiously.

Anna chews her bottom lip nervously, noticing Tara's eyes. She wants to say it back, she needs to but she feels embarrassed. She looks between JJ, Tara and Emily then out across the bullpen before taking a deep breath. _It's now or never._

"I love you too, Mom," she says with a quick hug before turning and walking out the glass door as fast as her legs can take her.

Emily's gaze follows Anna out the door and lingers on the window as she hurries away.

It's only for a split second but this small gesture takes Emily's breath away. Anna is gone before she can see the bright smile break out across Emily's face. It doesn't make sense, this sudden change of heart, but it makes Emily happier than she ever expected.

The smile slowly fades when Tara pulls Emily out of her thoughts.

"Is she okay?" Tara asks, bringing attention to Anna's uncharacteristically frantic behaviour.

Emily turns to Tara and gives her a wary look but says nothing. She doesn't know what to say anymore.

Tara raises her brow, giving Emily a knowing stare of concern. "She's not herself," she says seriously.

Emily nods in agreement. "She is just very overwhelmed right now," she explains.

Tara gives Emily a sympathetic smile. "If you need anything let me know," she says then she pats Emily's arm and heads to her desk.

JJ had observed the interaction but said nothing because she was caught up on one tiny moment.

"Did I miss something? Did she just call you Mom?" JJ asks incredulously as they continue walking towards Emily's office.

Emily shrugs, trying to play down what JJ just witnessed. "Did she?" she asks casually, she tries to hide a small grin.

They slow down at JJ's desk so she can drop the stack of files.

"Oh don't pretend you didn't notice," JJ says, groaning at Emily's nonchalance.

Emily sighs before heading up to her office, not willing to entertain JJ's inquisition.

She opens her office door, drops her purse on the desk, and turns on her desk lamp. JJ quietly takes a seat on the couch as Emily settles in.

While Emily is booting up her laptop, Garica comes racing past the office window, waving her arms and mumbling furiously. She stops in the open doorway abruptly, still stammering to herself. She had been in the round table room and saw Emily at JJ's desk and needed to vent about the latest problem in her life.

"New Guy forgot to charge his tablet again. I think it's time for some repercussions," she says, nostrils flaring and fume billowing from her ears. He drives her insane.

JJ shoots Emily a look of amusement to which she rolls her eyes in response.

Emily sighs. "I already told you I'm not suspending him for this," she says, sounding slightly annoyed. It is like dealing with a bunch of toddlers sometimes.

"But how will he learn?" Garcia groans.

"Just let it go, it doesn't matter. I forget sometimes too," Emily laments.

"He does this every single time!" she complains. "Someday I'm not going to notice and then he won't have his tablet during a briefing and he will have no idea what is going on. That'll show him."

"Exactly," Emily agrees. "Let him figure it out for himself. Now is there anything else you need? Because you have a visitor waiting for you in your office."

"What?! who?!" Garcia asks.

"Anna came to say hi," Emily informs her with a smile.

Garcia begins to light up but her expression quickly melts back into a frown. "Why did you not inform me that my favorite curly-haired BAU princess would be visiting today? I'm not prepared."

Emily gives a puzzled look. "BAU Princess?"

"Yes, Princess, as in the daughter of our Queen. Do you not understand monarchy?" Garcia replies with an exasperated eye roll.

"Of course, I'm sorry," Emily apologizes.

The conversation lulls as Emily starts answering emails. She tries to ignore her friends so she can get her work done as quickly as possible.

"_Soo_," JJ starts as she gets up from the couch and approaches Emily. "When did she start calling you Mom?" she says as she takes a seat on the edge of her desk.

"What do you mean?" Garcia asks with wide, hopeful eyes as she looks between Emily and JJ and steps further into the office.

"It's nothing," Emily assures her as she shoots JJ a stern look.

JJ rolls her eyes and grins. "Anna called Emily "Mom" in an unironic way," JJ clarifies like she's tattling.

Emily shuts her eyes and lets out a breath as she rubs her temple.

Garcia gasps. "Oh that's a big deal," she says, her jaw dropping to the floor.

"Guys," Emily groans, "it's not a big deal. She said it last night too."

"Have you talked to her about it?" JJ asks.

"No, should I? I don't want to make her uncomfortable..." Emily's gaze drops to the laptop in front of her.

"It might be a good idea," Garcia agrees. "How do you feel about this?"

"I want to be happy because this has been a long time coming," she answers with a sad smile. "But it's hard not to worry that there might be something else going on."

"Maybe she's starting to move on," JJ suggests. "It's been three years."

"I hope that's it. I'm going grey because of this kid," Emily replies with a grin.

"That's highly unlikely," Reid says from the doorway, causing the women to turn to him in surprise. He had come to deliver a file but felt inclined to join the conversation. "As you age, your hair follicles die leading to fewer pigment cells and less melanin in the hair. You are more likely to lose your hair from stress but there is no verified connection between grey hair and stress," he continues matter of factly.

"Great, I'm going to be bald," Emily says with a groan as she lets her head fall into her hands.

JJ gets up from the desk to leave. As she passes Ried, she jabs him in the side with her elbow. "Way to be reassuring Spence."

* * *

"How long has it been?" Garcia says as she bursts into her office. "Where do I start? What's new? Anything exciting? Tell me everything," she asks, erupting with delight to see Anna.

Anna, who has made herself at home in one of Garcia's spare desk chairs, does her best to stifle a grin. "Penelope, you need to calm down. I can't keep up." Anna chuckles at Garcia's excitement as she pats the seat of Garcia's chair, asking her to sit down.

"Sorry! I only get you for a short period of time, these visits are not enough," Garcia says as she takes a seat.

"I see you more than anyone else," Anna reminds her. Garcia comes by the apartment more than anyone else, she takes Anna shopping at least once a month and she watches Anna when Emily and Andrew want some alone time.

"It's still not enough," Garcia replies with a pout before quickly changing her expression to a happy one. "Okay school, start there. How are your friends? How are your classes? Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Still too many questions," Anna says, sounding exasperated.

"Right, okay, ah…" Garcia bites back a small squeal as she clenches her fists in an effort to control her excitement. "How is soccer going?"

"It's fine," Anna replies with a small smile.

"Just fine?" Garcia asks, giving Anna a sympathetic look.

Anna shrugs. "We've been losing a lot and I don't get a lot of playing time," she says, bending the truth.

"You will," Garcia tells her. "I'm still trying to find time to come to a game."

Anna's eyes widen slightly. "You really don't have to do that. They're not that exciting to watch. Don't worry about it," she insists.

They lapse into silence.

"Soo, any boys I need to cyberstalk?" Garcia asks after a moment.

Anna begins to shake her leg nervously. "I've been talking to this guy but he's not my boyfriend."

"Why's that?" Garcia asks with a frown.

Anna shrugs, trying to seem unbothered but her fidgeting says otherwise. "I don't know, he's older for one thing which will not go over well with my mom."

Garcia's smile widens when Anna says the forbidden three-letter word but turns to a frown when she finally registers the full extent of what Anna has said.

"How old are we talking? Is it legal?" Garica says with concern at what she might be uncovering.

Anna laughs and shakes her head. "Of course, he's only a year older."

Garcia leans back in her chair as she lets out a sigh of relief. "Oh well, then I wouldn't worry too much about your mom. You'll find that she's a lot more understanding than you think. I'm definitely not supposed to tell you this but from what I've heard Em was a bit of a wild child in high school there's not a lot you can do that she hasn't already done."

Anna laughs again but sinks back into thought after a short moment. She stares at the ground and sighs deeply. She bites the inside of her bottom lip, her knee is still bobbing up and down vigorously.

"That's not the only problem. We're very different and I don't know if he sees that. It's going to be a problem."

"How so?" Garcia asks.

"I had nothing and now I go to private school with a bunch of snobby rich kids and he's their king. I already feel out of place there and I don't want to pretend that I'm like him. His family has the kind of money that makes rich people look poor. I'm scared that if I ever met them, they wouldn't accept me."

"That's ridiculous. They would have to be crazy not to like you," Garcia insists with a reassuring smile.

Anna shakes her head. "We're nothing alike. He doesn't like sports and that's the only thing I'm good at. He plays the piano better than anyone I've ever met and I'm completely tone-deaf. He tried to team me, it didn't go well. He's smart, I'm stupid," Anna rambles, starting to get frustrated. She hunches over in her chair, letting her face rest in her palms as she huffs.

"Anna, you're not stupid," Garcia says. She rolls her chair closer to Anna and rests her hand on Anna's knee, silently telling her to relax. "School isn't for everyone. I dropped out of college and taught myself to code, now look where I am. You will find something that you're good at and that you love. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself right now because high school is such a small part of your life. In the long run, no one cares what you got on a science test in your sophomore year."

Anna looks up, meeting Garcia's eyes. "My school does, like way too much. But you're probably right," Anna agrees sadly as she sits up.

"I am right. You and this boy may not have much in common but I wouldn't let that stop you from getting to know him. Ya know they say _opposites attract_," Garcia says in a sing-song tone as she turns to her keyboard and begins typing.

"That's why you and Luke are best friends," Anna teases.

Garcia stops typing abruptly and whips around dramatically with a gasp. "In this room, we don't say his name. AND we are not _friends _but he's becoming a bit tolerable," she says as she rolls her eyes.

Anna stifles a laugh at how easily Luke's name can set Garcia off. "I would hope so by now, he's been around almost as long as me," she reminds.

Garcia shakes her head. "I liked you from the beginning. I will never like _him. _Enough about New Guy, I want to hear about this boy."

Anna tilts her head. "There's not much to say. Brandon's nice to me and I think we're a 'thing' but we're not putting a label on it."

"Do you _like_ Brandon?" Garcia asks.

Anna pauses, thinking about how to respond. She's never thought about her friendship with Brandon this seriously, much less said it out loud. After a moment she nods slowly but refuses to meet Garcia's hopeful eyes.

"He's a really good person. He does stupid things but he cares a lot. He's a good listener, he's always there when I need someone. He even helps me with my homework sometimes, that's how we met," she says, trying to avoid going into detail.

"That doesn't really answer my question. Do you like him so much that you wish he was your boyfriend?" Garcia asks, more seriously.

Anna sighs. "Sometimes I wish we were dating but it doesn't make sense. The way he looks at me makes me feel like he thinks I'm perfect but I'm so far for perfect. I don't mean that in a self-deprecating way it's just that he treats me so well that I start to feel like I don't deserve to have him. It's like there is something about me that will never be good enough for him," Anna mutters. Her gaze is fixed on the floor and tears are welling in her eyes. She laughs dryly at herself before wiping her sleeve across her eyes. At this moment she feels pathetic and vulnerable and she hates it.

Garcia takes Anna's hands in hers and squeezes. "Look at me," she begs and when Anna complies, she is surprised by the fierceness she finds there.

"You need to get that out of your beautiful head because you are perfect. There is nothing wrong with you and you deserve all the good that life has to offer including a guy that treats you like you're his entire world."

"Thanks for saying that but I don't even know if I'm ready to have a boyfriend."

"That's okay. You don't have to have a boyfriend right now. You'll know when you're ready but you can always come to me about boys or anything else," Garcia tells her.

"I know, thanks Penelope. I really appreciate it," Anna says thankfully. She feels relieved that she's gotten this off her chest but there is still a lot to be said.

"Anytime," Garcia reminds her. She gives her a meaningful look and Anna gives her the slight nod she's waiting for.

Anna bites her lip uncomfortably and Garcia does not miss it. She gives her a look, pressing for her to spill.

"Do you mind not telling my mom? I don't want her to know about Brandon until there is something worth knowing," Anna says as she bows her head. It feels wrong to hide Brandon from Emily but she's not ready for the explosion that will follow.

Garcia nods understandingly. "I'm very bad with secrets but I'll try my best. You should talk to her about him. She would love to know."

Anna shrugs, a slow shake of her head. "I'll think about it. I have a lot I need to tell her."

"Don't wait too long," Garcia says sincerely.

Anna is about to speak again when there is a knock at the door. She turns to face it, startled by the sound. The door slowly opens and she relaxes instantly when Emily walks in, coat on, and purse hanging over her shoulder. Emily stops beside Anna and runs her hand over her hair.

"Time to go," Emily says softly.

Garcia stands up quickly. "Oh but we were just starting to have fun. Please let me keep her! I'll bring her home after work," she bargains desperately.

"Anna has homework and you have work to do," Emily reminds them both.

Anna gives Garcia a sympathetic look as she lifts her bag off the floor and throws it over her shoulder.

"You, Emily Prentiss, are no fun." Garica pouts.

Emily rolls her eyes. "Anna, say bye to the crazy computer lady," Emily says dismissively with a grin and a wave as she leads Anna to the door.

"Bye Penelope," she says as she steps into the hallway.

"Wait!" Garcia yells as follows quickly behind them.

They both stop to turn to face her.

"You can't leave without giving me a hug," she says as she wraps her arms around Anna without warning. After a moment she releases and holds Anna at arm's length as a brilliant smile breaks out across her face. "Don't be a stranger and remember what I said," she tells her with a wink.

"I will, thanks," Anna affirms with a smile before catching up to Emily.

Emily is standing by, watching them curiously. "Thanks for watching her Pen," she says sincerely.

"It was my pleasure," she replies. She waited until they were out of sight to head back into her office.

* * *

They step onto the elevator in silence. Emily reaches to press the ground floor button as the doors begin to close. She steps back so she's next to Anna and looks down at her. Anna doesn't notice, she's pulled her phone out and is busy reading texts from Rachel.

"What did she tell you?" Emily asks, craning her neck to try and read the texts over Anna's shoulder.

"What?" Anna asks as she looks up. She catches Emily's eyes on her phone and glares at her before turning it off and slipping it into her pocket.

"What did Garcia tell you?" Emily presses again as Anna stares at the elevator door in front of her.

Anna shrugs. "Oh nothing. Just that you were crazy in high school so I have a lot of leeway," she says simply, trying to hide a grin.


	13. Chapter 13 - Enough

After returning home, Emily continued tidying the apartment while Anna sat quietly at the kitchen counter studying. She had pulled out her laptop and went to work the moment they walked in the door. The apartment was quiet, almost eerily, as they worked, neither one wanting to disturb the other. Andrew had made last-minute plans to grab dinner and drinks with friends from work so he would be home later, giving them ample time to talk although they had not yet.

As Anna works away at her paper, she can feel Emily watching her, slowly circling the kitchen, needlessly cleaning things for the second time that day. Anna hopes that Emily will continue on with her tasks instead of initiating the conversation Anna has been putting off all day. She doesn't have the time or energy to lie again and she isn't ready, to tell the truth. She can't bear the truth.

Emily runs her hand over Anna's hair, pulling Anna from her thoughts. "Hey, are you hungry?"

Anna looks away from her laptop screen and shakes her head. "I'll eat when I'm finished this paper," she groans before continuing typing.

Emily peers over her shoulder at the screen, trying to read a few lines. "Do you need any help? I could edit for you when you're done," she offers with a smile.

Again, Anna shakes her head. "That's okay, I think I've got it."

"Let me know if you change your mind, okay?" Emily says, stepping back.

"I will," Anna agrees before putting her head down and continuing on with her paper. She is still far from finished.

Emily rounds the counter, her eyes still on Anna. She stops on the other side, directly across from Anna, and clears her throat to draw the young girl's attention.

"I don't want to put more pressure on you right now, but we still need to talk," Emily says softly.

Anna chews her lip and shifts in her seat but does not look up. "Can we talk tomorrow? Rachel sent me today's homework and we have a lot of reading," she says.

"Anna, you can't keep putting this off. I gave you all day to relax because I know you're stressed but now we need to talk," Emily says, her tone more firm.

Anna narrows her eyes, the annoyance in her face is not unfamiliar to Emily but it still hurts.

Anna has tried to be nicer. She promised herself that she would work to rebuild their relationship albeit knowing it would be difficult. Emily is pushing her over the edge; she needs to get her paper done so she can do her reading. She doesn't have time for this.

Without another word, Anna stands up from the stool and starts gathering her things off the counter.

"What are you doing?" Emily asks incredulously.

Anna piles her notebooks and laptop into her bookbag and zips it shut. "I have way too much work to deal with this right now."

Emily raises her brow. "You can spare half an hour. Have a snack, we can talk and then you can go back to your paper. You'll feel a lot better."

"I can't do that. I'm going to be up all night as is," Anna says as she throws her bag over her shoulder before storming away.

Emily gives her a stern look as she follows. "No you're not, you're going to bed at 10 regardless of whether you're done."

Anna whips around. "Why are you like this?" she snaps.

"Because I'm worried about you. You're not sleeping or eating. Something is obviously wrong and I hate seeing you like this," Emily says softly.

"I'm fine," Anna insists with a groan and an eye roll.

"No, you're not. Please talk to me, I want to help," Emily says calmly but Anna is already heading down the hall to her bedroom.

"The only thing that can help me right now is getting my work done," Anna yells before entering her room.

She turns to slam the door, to end this argument before it has the chance to explode but Emily is there, one arm outstretched and holding the door from swinging shut in her face.

"Why?" she presses.

Anna throws her bag on her bed forcefully before turning back to face Emily. "I'm not doing well in school. Okay? I can't keep up and my grades are really bad. If they get too low I can't play soccer. Are you happy now?" she shouts.

"Honey, why didn't you say something sooner?" Emily asks softly, immediately moving towards her.

Anna steps back, not wanting comfort. "Because I knew you'd be mad," she cries, wiping her tears away in annoyance. She can see how much it hurts Emily to deny her touch like that, but her chest is pounding and she feels like she's going to explode.

Emily shakes her head, her eyes softening as she watches Anna begin to break. "I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed that you didn't ask for help," she says.

Anna starts to pace, as frustrated tears continue to fall. "I can't ask you for help. You don't understand, you did well in school. You speak like 10 languages and…" Anna rambles.

"6," Emily corrects modestly.

"What's the difference!" Anna screams, both hands coming up. "You're smart, you went to Yale. I don't even know if I'll get into college."

Emily pushes Anna's bag to the other side of the bed before taking a seat and settling in. "I don't expect you to be like me," she says looking at Anna sympathetically, "we're very different people and that is okay. Anna, you have three years to bring your grades up. You have time."

Anna shakes her head. "I feel like I'm always letting you down. I'm not the daughter you wanted," she says, letting her eyes soften and gaze drop to the floor.

"What would make you think that?" Emily tilts her head as their eyes meet. It's only for a split second but the sadness displayed in Anna's eyes is excruciating.

Anna sniffles as she looks away and her pace slows. "I feel like you had this idea of what your kids were going to be like and then you settled for me. And every time I fight with you or do something that doesn't live up to your standard it reminds you that this was a mistake. I'm not good enough for you..."

"Hey," Emily cuts her off, catching one of Anna's hands as she passes by. Emily guides her to sit down on the bed next to her.

Anna stifles a sob and tries to escape Emily's grasp, but Emily tugs her again, forcing her to sit on the bed. Anna's body is rigid as she squirms, not wanting comfort but Emily is unrelenting and eventually, Anna gives in. Emily wraps Anna in her arms, pulling her close with an embrace.

"I didn't settle for anything. I picked you because I knew, from the moment I met you, that you were meant to be in my life. This isn't the most conventional situation but you know that I love you so much, right?" Emily says, looking down at Anna with doting eyes.

Anna does not look up but nods slowly, her head in the crook of Emily's neck as she cries. The pressure that has built up over the past month is now overflowing, releasing in waves of violent insuppressible sobs. She feels like she's being choked by her cries. She gasps for air, each time taking in the scent of Baccarat Rouge, of jasmine and saffron, and slowly it soothes her as it has many times before.

Every sob makes Emily's heart tighten. That sound claws at her and makes her eyes sting as she tries to blink away her own tears. She rests her head on top of Anna and strengthens her embrace.

They stay like this, intertwined in each other's arms until Anna is calm. Once her breathing is more regular and her body is more relaxed, Emily smooths Anna's tear-soaked hair from her cheeks, tucking it behind her ears. She kisses Anna's head before giving her another small sympathetic smile when finally Anna looks up.

"I want to tell you a story," Emily says.

Anna shakes her head. "I don't have time," she says as she tries to wiggle free.

"This is more important," Emily insists firmly and Anna settles instantly.

Anna snuggles closer as Emily runs a soothing hand over her head, repeating the motion absentmindedly as she speaks.

"When I was your age, I was…" Emily pauses, searching for the right words. "I was lost. We had just moved again and I was _so mad_ at my parents because they never considered how I felt." Emily takes a deep breath before continuing, "I hated my life. My mother was very hard on me—which I'm sure comes as no surprise. She put so much pressure on me to act and look a certain way because she had my entire life planned out so that I would be just like her.

"But I didn't want that, it drove me insane, so I rebelled. If they asked me to do anything, I did the opposite and I pushed them away." Emily grins bitterly. "God, they had no idea what to do with me."

Anna frowns. "Are you trying to tell me that you don't know what to do with me?" she asks looking up.

"No, of course not," Emily replies quietly. "Let me finish, please?" Anna nods for Emily to keep going.

"I would sneak out to meet up with friends or go to parties, and I dated guys that I knew my parents wouldn't like just to get back at them. After a while, they stopped trying." Emily swallows, dropping her gaze down to her hands.

"They stopped caring and I thought that was a good thing because I felt like I was finally free. For a little while, I thought that I was finally in control of my life... until I found out that I was pregnant." The tears that Emily has been trying so hard to hold back finally well in her eyes.

Anna pulls away, her wide eyes blinking in disbelief. Her heart is racing and her head is pounding as she tries to grasp everything that was just said. "What did you do? Did you tell your parents?" she asks.

"No," Emily whispers, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "By then, I had pushed them so far away that I stopped being able to ask them for help. To this day they still don't know. Luckily, I had a good friend who took care of me, but looking back I wish I had felt comfortable confiding in my parents." Emily finally looks back up at Anna, the fierceness in her eyes shocking Anna.

"I don't want you to feel like there is ever anything you can't come to me about," Emily says. "There is nothing you can't tell me. I might get upset but I hope you know that I would do anything to make sure that you're safe, healthy, and happy. That is all I want for you."

Anna nods understandingly but slips into silence. She doesn't know how to respond or how to be sensitive but she needs to know.

"What happened to your baby?" Anna asks shyly, clearly uncomfortable with this question.

"I didn't have it. I wasn't ready to be a mom," Emily admits.

"Do you ever regret it?" Anna asks.

"Sometimes I wonder what could have been but no, I don't regret it. If I had had that baby then I probably wouldn't have adopted you and you're pretty great."

Anna wraps her arms around Emily's waist, causing her breathing to hitch. "You're a good mom. I'm lucky to have you," she says.

"And I am lucky to have you," Emily says as she wipes her eyes one last time and stands up. "Now, I'm making you a grilled cheese, you're going to finish your paper and then I will edit it while you do your readings," she pauses, giving Anna an uncertain look before continuing, "Unless there is something else you want to talk about…?"

Anna blinks quickly and shakes her head. "No, that's it."


End file.
